Shit! I’m late! I’m soooo sorry, I've been really busy lately and, wait, what do you mean you didn’t notice?
It is a customary practice of mine to conclude any given year around the mid-to-late December point, honouring said 365 day company with one of these very news pieces. However, my integrity got lost in the mail this round while I was busy slivering bits of skin off my fingertips and picking white shit off my teeth just to provide enough fuel to complete all the other regular items. Such a melodramatic scene is the reason why this little bit of vomit could only be wrapped up and presented to you at this moment, and it’s also probably worth mentioning that I’ve never been very good at wrapping things. I don't really giving a shit any more. I’ve taken two sleeping pills and I’m tired.
If you’ve never met one of these such blabberings before, allow to me introduce and educate you as to what it is. You see, it's not just one of your regular trash can dumping grounds where I desperately try to convince you to check out the shit you may have recently missed in Jared World, but it also holds the unique title of attempting to predict what the up and coming year (2015, in case you’re lost) might have in store. I always get it wrong, but here I go anyway, armed with a cape super-glued to my shoulder blades and an ID sized photo of my puppet monkey in my pocket, reminding me what is important.
JUICE NOTHING
This has already happened:The Rise And Fall Of Modern Day Feminism
Not really a blog per se, more of a rant I spat out in one sitting, but I had this very confused feminist demon living inside of me for a while, contradicting itself at every mention of the topic and upsetting my tummy. I tried to please it and I tried torture it just to get it the fuck out of there, but in the end I think this piece was the final exorcism, so read it, don’t read it, I wouldn’t read it.
10 Worst Album Covers of 2014/10 Best Album Covers of 2014
As per every year since last year, I gave a much deserved shout out to my 10 favourite album covers of 2014, as well as demeaning the 10 I deemed to be the most shitworthy. While I did so, I wore a monocle and spoke with a French accent, convinced I was an art critic just for one day.
The Top 50 Albums of 2014
Without going on about it, this yearly piece is consistently my highest praised work, and I think the reason for this is that people can smell my tears in between the lines. Still, I'm very proud of the outcome once again and the response has been very flattering to say the least (thank you!), so it’s probably the one thing you should take away from here.
Dear 2014,
This one was published very recently, and is part of my longest running regular series to date, growing like an energetic cancer, now so ridiculously over-detailed that I am always floored with how many people (claim to have) read it. If you have any interest whatsoever in all the amazing/horrible things that happened in EVERY area of the year (complete with an unhealthy gaping wound looking into my personal life), then this one is for you, honey.
JUICE NOTHING 2015
What sucks about being able to see into the future is that I have already planned every single blog piece which will be written this year, even if I probably have no idea. What’s worse is that I'm very precious about maintaining some element of surprise, and am not willing to reveal all that much to you, sorry. However, here are some clues as to what you could expect, maybe:Two or three “Best to Worst” bits.
A kinda more specific version of that 20 Greatest Songs Of All Time wank.
A tainted spin-off from my very old (but hugely popular) 20 Hottest Girls Ever piece.
The Death Trilogy.
Greatest TV Shows Ever.
Bands I Hate.
The Greatest Things on the Internet.
How To Get Laid Using Facebook.
Songs I’ve Cried To.
And then, of course, November 2015 onwards will be the usual best-of crap, because routine keeps the brain competent at Tetris. Anyway (and by the way), if there are any of these ideas you like more than others, please do let me know, because I exist from the interest of others and there will be a better chance it’ll surface sooner if you’d like.
JUICE NOTHING v3.0
Over the last two years or so, I have spent countless hours redesigning the main Juice Nothing hub page, and then all of a sudden, I didn’t give a fuck any more. I wanted it to be so special that the amount of effort required outgrew my interest, and slowly it became the stock project to push aside when I need a spare hour or so. But what I will say is that while it may not appear any time soon (or ever), my focus on the webby area of life will not be completely lost, rather re-designated towards things like, for example, the overall design of this very blog. My crystal ball claims that this will happen by the end of Feb at latest, but it has a crack down the center and only displays in black and white, so I’m not convinced it works. It might even just be a television, I’m not sure.COMING DOWN HAPPY 2015
As always, a lot planned here, some stuff I refuse to talk about, but I am happy to elaborate on my 100% rap project, the Sex is Disgusting EP, which is priority. The loops are complete minus the frills and the rough lyrics are around 31.25% written or so, so it is moving. Admittedly, I’ve been slack in recent times, but if you're keen, you can keep an eye on my unusually revealing studio blog, set up to give you more information than you could ever want.For my own reference sake, I also want to overshoot myself and say there is potential for more than 14 songs to be released in 2015 (a bit of extra info further down). It will never happen, make no mistake of that, but I said potential, meaning there is hope, and sometimes hope is all we have. And once these are out of the way, there is only one thing left to do. The final EP completing the cartoon musical. But that’s 2016’s problem.
One final thing: There is a new section opening up on the Coming Down Happy website within the first half of 2015, I’d say. It’s the kind of section which no one would get excited about until I become famous (note the misguided certainty), but I feel it's very important because it has been in the works for like ... 15 years? It’s surprising I only thought to get it done now. You won’t care though. If it seems like I'm being a downer, it's because I have to live with me.
THE GOAT’S NEST 2015
Of all the outlets in the grooves of my brain, this area is probably the most promising in 2015. For the love of God I can’t believe it’s taken so long, but my debut novel This Is Your Brain On Drugs (as I have previously reported) is completely written and edited and formatted, missing nothing but a few illustrations before the pdfs piss on the printing machines. With so much work and effort riding on it, I am as nervous as I am excited, which is exactly the right place to be with anything worthwhile. Don’t quote me, but let’s propose a second quarter 2015 release date. It fucking better be, in all fairness.Besides this thing, the sequel to The Triangular Theory of Love is 50%ish complete in rough, and I think it has stumbled into quite a solid direction, different than any of my other previous fiction. I can’t wait to finish it up, but considering how far it has already raced ahead of schedule, there is no need to to rush it, and I see it jumping effortlessly out the door by mid-year. What could possibly go wrong.
You know, the coolest thing about The Goat’s Nest children, is that I know pretty much everything that is going to happen for the next ten years, from four other novels to at least three other short stories in movement. It’s fucking mental in my head right now, time itself the only enemy. But keep your mouth open, and I will drip feed you until you are full, I promise.
THE FUNPOWDER PLOT 2015
I’m always unwarrantably optimistic about this film collaborative team, because almost every year it seems to bear minimal fruit despite all the water I throw at it. But as always, it’s still a machine with eager cogs turning, and at least three projects are being seriously discussed on a very regular basis, meetings in real life and everythang. Two of these projects I won’t be revealing at this point, but the other one is (gasp) the ever elusive Coming Down Happy music video. I talk about it a lot, I know, but the difference now is that we have chosen the song, we have a script, and above all else, we have motivation. Oh my God, you think it’ll happen this year? Something will.CODE NAME: FOX TAIL
As reported before, this secret project may very well be dead and this could be its final mention. But at the same time, it also may not be, so I’ll just leave this here in case.I’M IN A BAND NOW
Three very cool people and myself built a band from the ground up and we have been jamming regularly with some very interesting material taking some sort of a shape, albeit not a regular shape, more one of those shapes no one knows how to pronounce. Incidentally, we don’t have a name yet either but, I swear, I am having more fun with these guys than any band I’ve ever had before, purely because there is freedom and everyone is doing whatever the fuck they want. We are such an eclectic mix of people with completely different musical backgrounds, and for that reason, it’s pretty much the project I fantasise about the most, praying every day that it works, and optimistic that it will. Seriously, this one gets me hard in the morning.MONTHLY PROJECTS
Back in November, I also started this other thing where I wanted to spend each month dedicating my weekends to something different, the idea being that I may find a creative avenue which really clicks within me and clicks within other people and makes people click things. It is the venture of a lost, desperate boy now running into every corner I can, hoping my nose doesn’t break until it slots in with the right brickwork it was always destined to meet. This is how it has gone so far:November 2014: Video Album Reviews
Something I attempted (and kinda sucked at) was filming myself reviewing hyped albums each week. I loathed the process and it stressed me out, but I managed to spit out four of these fuckers, which were as follows:
Grouper - Ruins
Taylor Swift - 1989 (this was the best one, watch this one)
Foo Fighters - Sonic Highways
TV on the Radio - Seeds
People responded politely, I came out of the other side with a bit more video knowledge, and (most advantageous of all) another idea was birthed which could extend from this, an updated version very possibly appearing in another 2015 month, who knows.
December 2014: A New Coming Down Happy EP/Single
Back in my yout' I used to write and record songs in the space of 12 hours with complete disregard to production polish or outside opinion, and I adored the process. So in an attempt to recreate the former magic, I had a go at putting together some songs abiding to these strict restrictions. However, seeing as December is a very hectic month with all them blogs and shit, I didn’t get as far as I wanted, only managing three songs (all completely recorded already, btw), which go by the names of "Well I’m Sorry and Fuck You"; "Not Proud Of This"; and "Love Is A Stupid Thing To Write About".
The issue with this lot, however, is that they all suck balls and the shame within me refuses the release of any of them. I was kinda hoping that by some miracle one of these fellas would actually be decent, and then I’d release a single with a b-side, but the walls of my new house are so thin that I can't seem to get any words out in a confident manner. It doesn't matter, this experiment has expired, and even if I have three other potential songs written, they will have to wait for another time.
Although, I have been toying with the idea of perhaps creating a bunch more songs just like these sporadically over 2015, and then ultimately releasing them all as some sort of “Bootleg” type compilashit, but I have no idea. Whatever, the point is, I still finished what I was going for, even if nobody ever hears it but me.
For the rest of 2015, the monthly projects may or may not include things like:
A cartoon pilot.
A series of paintings.
A podcast.
An audio reading of my favourite Goat’s Nest short stories.
Twitter tutorials.
Video album reviews with a twist.
And another month of quick song recordings.
Ooookaaay, I think that’s pretty much all I have planned, which as always, is more than anyone with a full time job could chew, but even if I only get 50% of the way, 2015 is looking to be quite creative, wouldn’t you say? I dunno, it’s all about time manage though, isn’t it? And I am starting to realise that life isn’t necessarily exclusively about creative content either. Sometimes we need to focus on factors like health consciousness, professional ambition, world exploration (I'm going to India in April, yay), self help progression, financial opportunities, public performances, and other such type things I desire to pursue immediately. Plus, I also have this plan to meet the girl of my dreams pretty much any day now, which would undoubtedly fuck everything up.
Speculation is a fun time waster, and that’s pretty much what I just did. I speculated and I wasted your time. Let’s just agree to compare notes in December, k?
Love you or hate you, pick your poison,
Jared
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