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Wednesday 30 April 2014

Don't Read This. Spend Your Time Better.


Priorities, motherfucker

Always bite off more than you can chew, and then just spit out the parts you don’t like.

Hey kids! Today I want to talk to you about “priorities”. You see, in order to have the most constructive lifestyle possible, we must all learn the art of time management, and the very root of this art revolves around the skill of prioritising. That is (simply put), doing what is most important first, and then brutally cutting the fat off the process in order to streamline our focus and produce a sharp object to stab self-inflicted deadlines in the eye with.

I am forever juggling more projects than I can, and sometimes these goals tend to fall on top of me, suffocating my enthusiasm, murdering my potential. This kind of analogy works even better when considering I was in South Africa for just under three weeks in February, watching my little sister getting married and chilling with my family and having sex with people I’ve never had sex with before and whatnot. Don’t get me wrong, it was magical and made my life in London appear quite tedious, but more related to this, it carved out a huge hole in my usually reliable routine.

Once resurfacing my head above water and breathing once more, I had to prioritise. The redesign of Juice Nothing, for example, was the first to go. As much as I'm excited about the project, I could not justify allocating precious time to fixing something which was not quite broken. More on topic, the next easy casualty was these very news items. The reasons are obvious: nobody reads them, they take too long to write, and they are essentially stupid blabberings which serve very little purpose other than to keep a record of my own progress, a reference point so I can look back and pat myself on the head and rationalise another beer for lunch.

Luckily (and as the rest of this piece will detail), I managed to get back onto my feet relatively quickly and have finally caught up, now 100% on target for my quota, even if no one would notice besides me. Which is why after quite some time, here I am to tell you what has been going on in Juice World, and have much more news than usual. What a wonderful thing! Read it or die:


JUICE NOTHING
Since the last news update, I have released five full articles, all of which I feel were above average and worthy of your love. As follows:

Dear 2013
Jesus, this one feels like a million years old already, has it really been that long? Anyway, this was the fifth of my on-going end of year summary articles. As painful as ever to write, I do feel they serve a purpose: a fantastic way for anyone to look back on the year previous whilst slipping unimportant details about my own life in amongst the facts in order to con people into caring about me. I hate the imagery, but in general it was another substantial effort, proving I am getting quite good at executing the idea by now.

The 15 Greatest 'Fuck You's In Music
The rough idea for this one had been knocking at my door for about a year or so, hence why it was quite nice to finally let it in. The only unusual take on this piece was that I hardly researched for it at all, rather relying on musical conflicts which already resided in my memory. So I guess it's special in that way, whilst completely forgetting many much superior entries, I'm sure. People enjoyed it regardless.

How To Heal Heartbreak In 20 Steps
And then this one came out swinging like the lost hurt demon it was, crushing the popularity of any article released the whole of last year, snapping at 5,000 hits and still fighting. I feel confident that this will be the undefeated “article of the year” for 2014, with many many people already showering me with thanks, and it's not hard to see why. It's because it's a topic you have to be in a very unique place to write. It's because I put (what was left of my) heart and soul into its execution. It’s because I was there. I felt those thing. And I fixed it.

The 10 Coolest Things The Beatles Ever Did
Whilst in South Africa, a very quick conversation with some friends took place one evening. It was about The Beatles, obviously, and I came to remember what a very special group they were, and not even in the obvious ways. In the ways which most people aren't aware of, little achievements that put them on the map in angles so unique that it only further cemented their position in history. A month or so later, this piece was born, which was a refreshing process rather than the years upon years I usually spend picking away at most my other writings. And with such a popular topic, it's no wonder that it too has racked up thousands of reads, and the pictures were pretty good too.

The 20 Greatest Songs Of All Time
I just launched this one right now, and am quite stoked with it. I eagerly look forward to people telling me how much they hate it in the near future, because opinions are like assholes, and the internet is full of both those things.

As is the nature of my unfair self expectations, I already know every piece which will be written this year except for one. I am not going to give much away, but I will say the next three probably won't be music related, and there may also be a hint somewhere in here:


THE GOAT’S NEST
As predicted in the last news item, I managed to write a short story on the plane ride to South Africa. There was only one problem: it was uber lame. And so I threw those rough notes aside, and rewrote it without even looking at the original draft, which was better, but still not perfect. It needs some serious love and attention, and I am hoping to do that right now, my goal to shit it out within the next month or so. As I may have mentioned, it’s kind of a prequel to The Johnson Line, without actually being that whatsoever.


THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Related to the previous entry, is my debut novel. If you look at it one way, I am truly on the last stretch, putting the final touches on the final version, most of the book already neatly formatted and looking all professional like. However, if you look at it another way, there are still a stupid amount of other bits that need to be sorted out, so God knows when it will be released. I’m thinking July? August? September?? But I promise, this is moving forward with bloodthirsty vigour, and I adore every fucking second of it.


ANOTHER THING
I don't know why I love doing this, but I do. Here is confirmation that there is another little thing in the works which is very exciting and newsworthy, and yet I am going to tell you absolutely nothing about it. However, I will give it the code name Fox Tail for now as a reference point, but I honestly don't think it should take crazy long for more info to leak from me. It's a fictional thing. It's a collaborative thing. It's a rad thing.


COMING DOWN HAPPY
In January, the final piece of the The Black EP puzzle was released, namely Oh My God, Amen. It’s my favourite CDH song so far, and a few other people agreed, probably because it was less about perversion and child abuse, more about nintendo and surreal happiness. I am learning about target markets.
Anyways, with this release we came to the end of the second phase of three, and the gap between this and the next will be muuuuuch longer. I need it! I'm dying! Instead, I will be focusing on a brand new set of songs with a whole new approach, and this is already well underway. I’m not going to give too much away, except that they will feature real instruments! Look at what I gone and done:

New Coming Down Happy Equipment

Expect evidence soon. Like, real soon. Sooner than you think. But while you wait, why not listen to all my songs in a row with this Spotify exclusive compilation, The Grey Lp.


THE FUNPOWDER PLOT
Somehow, The Plot managed to spit out two videos this year already, equalling 2013’s efforts, which is a relief. They also had nothing to with me, which is also a relief. A little something like this:

Putin Wins Olympic Gold
This was Kris’ 22 second baby, attacking Putin’s expenditures on the Olympics whilst ignoring the country’s terrible drug problem. At least he could fund the addict’s habits a bit, right? I’m sure that’s what Kris meant. Simple yet effective, I am a fan.

Shura - Touch
Ammr directed this music video for Shura, and by God, it’s incredible. Incredible. One of the best music videos I’ve seen in years, in fact, and I beam with pride that my boy had so much to with it. Proof is in the pudding, as it’s already racked up to 182,500 views (and counting), more than any other FPP creation to date, getting write ups all over the internets. I think it’s the best thing ”we’ve” ever done, so it deserves every second of the attention.


Shew, I think that’s everything? I truly rushed this motherfucker, because, you know, priorities. Did I mention I am a model now?

It's quite late in the year to be saying stuff like this, but my motto for 2014 is as follows: “No more deadlines, much more lifelines”. Uhm, it needs work, but in summary, it means I will no longer be placing unnecessary pressure on my own creative missions, opting to instead spend more time with people I like and dealing out my time to them. Because I’ve been working my tits off the last few years to very little reward, and I reckon there is more to life than this.

That said, these plans tend to make themselves, and I am bound to have another panic attack any day now. Hope you enjoy it!

Jared


Wednesday 26 March 2014

The 10 Coolest Things The Beatles Ever Did


The 10 Coolest Things The Beatles Ever Did
I’m not sure whether you know The Beatles or not, but I totally recommend you check them out, they’re pretty good. So good, in fact, that the most difficult aspect of writing this article about my favourite band of all time, was to only include 10 points instead of 50. They have achieved so much! They continue to achieve so much! I am so proud of them! Which is why I grew quite overwhelmed and panicky as to which angle was the best to attack this demanding subject with.

I mean, I could easily flood your mind with facts like, for example, in 1964, when The Beatles occupied the top five positions of the U.S. Billboard singles chart, the top two positions on the U.S. album chart, the #1 slot on the British singles chart, the top two positions on the British album chart, and the #1 position on the British EP chart, all at the same time. It'd be almost too predictable to go on about how they are the highest selling band ever, or how they’ve had more #1 singles than anybody, or how they’ve had the most #1 albums since #1 existed. Yes, they hold the record for the longest span between #1 albums (36 years, 51 weeks). Yes, they’ve spent a total of 174 weeks at #1, more than any other artist in history. We know they've won three Brit Awards, nine Grammys, and an Oscar. We know they were granted MBEs. It's common knowledge that the Guinness World Records recognises McCartney as the most successful songwriter of all time, with his 188 charted records, as well as his song Yesterday (which he wrote in his sleep) having been covered by more than 2,200 artists. The man in question is also the only human being to have a #1 hit song solo; as part of a duo (Ebony and Ivory with Stevie Wonder), a trio (Wings), a quartet (The Beatles), and a quintet (Get Back, The Beatles with Billy Preston). I could even focus on how each Beatle performed vocals, or how they brought Eastern influence into Western musical culture, or how they achieved all of this in only ten years. Fuck man, I could talk about a whole load of things, but I won’t. Even though I just did.

Rather, I decided to target the following 10 Beatles facts on some of the lesser-known Fab Four accomplishments. Things which have either been forgotten or continuously overlooked by fans and enemies alike. It’s actually rather criminal how unspoken some of these magnificent triumphs are, which is why I took it upon myself to spread the word of The Beatles’ genius as far as I could. Because obviously they need my help.

Appreciate:


The 10 Coolest Things The Beatles Ever Did: 10. They Invented The World Tour And The Stadium Rock Concert
10. The Beatles Invented The World Tour And The Stadium Rock Concert

In the mid-1960s, the British Invasion took place. Bands like The Rolling Stones and The Who had finally outgrown their little island and broke straight into the center of the U.S.A. And naturally, this phenomenon was lead by The Beatles themselves, who by 1964, had their own unique form of hysteria following them around, coined as Beatlemania. The fact that their hair was too long didn’t bother the teenagers, as they screamed and fainted and wet themselves at the very mention of the group, all over the globe.

So naturally, there was money to be made, and it was decided to send the boys out to perform for the masses, from Europe to Japan to Australia to Canada and, of course, to the U.S.A. All the while the kids made so much noise that the band couldn't even hear what they were playing, at times performing completely different songs to each other, and yet nobody cared. This was the first world tour in history.

A year later on their third world tour, The Beatles took it to the next level, and played in front of a 55,000 strong crowd at Shea Stadium, New York. Once again, the audience was deafening, who "couldn't possibly have heard anything but their own screams. For that matter, they didn't seem to want to." It got so ridiculous that Lennon started playing the keyboard with his elbows, but I doubt anyone at the Beatles camp were all too bothered. They earned a record breaking $304,000 for that 30 minute gig, and had inadvertently invented the stadium rock concert.

On a side note, you know how these days it is common place for the drummer to be raised a bit higher than the rest of the band, so that the crowd can see him/her better? Ringo invented that too.


The 10 Coolest Things The Beatles Ever Did: 09. The Beatles Were The First Earth Band Heard By Aliens. Theoretically.
09. The Beatles Were The First Earth Band Heard By Aliens. Theoretically.

In 2008, to celebrate the 40th anniversary of the song, the 45th anniversary of the DSN, and the 50th anniversary of NASA, the latter set up a 70 meter dish in Spain, and blasted Lennon’s 1969 track Across The Universe straight towards the star Polaris, 431 light years away. Which basically means that The Beatles have not only been played on every corner of our planet, but perhaps millions more? I’m not sure how space works.

People are quick to point out that this was only the second song to be transmitted into the cosmos, as Russia had done a similar project back in 2001. However, their attempt was that of a theremin concert, which if anything would probably provoke aliens to invade, and I for one do not condone this type of aggression. Other critics consider the program to be ludicrous, as we have no evidence suggesting there are even any planets in that area, let alone if they’d be suitable for life. But while these words flowed out like endless rain into a paper cup, the rest of us thought it was pretty neat.

Across The Universe is one of my least favourite Beatles songs ever, but it was still an apt choice. Much better than, say, A Day In The Life, which ends with a 15-kilohertz high-frequency tone, specifically included to annoy dogs. I mean, that’s a pretty funny move on the band’s part, but I think we should leave the space dogs out of this. They have enough problems of their own.


The 10 Coolest Things The Beatles Ever Did: 08. The Beatles Invented The Music Video
08. The Beatles Invented The Music Video

In all fairness, the history of the “music video” can be traced back to the 1920s, where “musical short films” started to show their faces, and were quickly followed by 1930s musical cartoons (like those Disney Silly Symphonies and whatnot). The 1940s produced a lot of short musicals with dance sequences, and the 1950s introduced visual jukeboxes, all of which aided the evolution of what today is known as the music video.

But it wasn’t until the sequences in The Beatles’ first feature film, A Hard Day’s Night (1964), that the template for current music videos was born. A year later, their 1965 film Help! progressed it even further, in particular the title track’s segment which featured contrasting long shots, close ups, cross-cutting, and weird camera angles, which went on to be called the prime archetype of the modern day performance-style music video.

Later that year, The Beatles began to regularly produce “promotional clips”; films designed to promote their latest single without the boys having to appear anywhere in person. Sound familiar? This technique eventually evolved into 1967’s Strawberry Fields Forever/Penny Lane videos, which were the first to step away from performance based recordings, and rather focusing on a more narrative structure by utilising reversed film, slow motion and avant-garde colouring. It kinda changed everything.

"So, uh, in a way, I guess we invented MTV." - George Harrison

Not to mention that The Beatles' films themselves also had their unfair share of influence. Allow acclaimed film critic Roger Ebert to elaborate: "Today when we watch TV and see quick cutting, hand-held cameras, interviews conducted on the run with moving targets, quickly intercut snatches of dialogue, music under documentary action and all the other trademarks of the modern style, we are looking at the children of A Hard Day's Night".


The 10 Coolest Things The Beatles Ever Did: 07. The Beatles Were Involved In Some Very Peculiar Conspiracy Theories
07. The Beatles Were Involved In Some Very Peculiar Conspiracy Theories

It’s debatable as to whether The Beatles actually “did” this or not, but according to many, there are some very dark underlying secrets to this band’s history. Probably the most interesting, was that of Paul McCartney dying in a 1966 car accident, and ultimately replaced by an impostor. Some extremely convincing face analysis aside, the theory goes that The Beatles were so ashamed of what they’d done, that they placed clues in their artwork and lyrics to confess the story and feel much better about themselves. There are literally hundreds of them, but my favourites include:

Sgt Pepper (click here to admire the cover)
A Day In The Life: “He blew his mind out in a car”
The yellow flower arrangement resembles the name “PAUL?”, or a left-handed bass, with one of the four strings missing.
A flaming car.
A Shirley Temple doll with "Welcome The Rolling Stones" on her jumper, a toy car on her lap, and a bloodied glove to her side.
A hand over Paul’s head, blessing the dead.
The best one: when placing a mirror across the drum's center, it reads 1ONE1X HE DIE, with an arrow pointing at Paul.
On the back cover, Paul is facing backwards.

The White Album
Glass Onion: “Here's another clue for you all, the walrus was Paul”
I’m So Tired: The end incoherent mumbling reversed sounds like “Paul is dead, man. Miss him, miss him, miss him.
Revolution 9: "Number nine" reversed sounds like “Turn me on, dead man."
Page 7 of the booklet shows skeletal hands coming out to grab Paul.

Abbey Road (click here to admire the cover)
Come Together: "One and one and one makes three"
Paul is barefoot, has a different leg forward to the others, and is smoking.
By joining the dots on the back cover, it reads 3 Beatles (cracked).

There are faaaar too many others to list here, but it’s worth your research even if just for a lol.

Related: there is another heavy case circulating which suggests John Lennon’s assassination was ordered by the CIA, but I’ll leave you people to Google that one for yourself.


The 10 Coolest Things The Beatles Ever Did: 06. The Beatles Wrote The Rolling Stones’ First Top 20 Hit Song
06. The Beatles Wrote The Rolling Stones’ First Top 20 Hit Song

Something which has always amused me is the persistent yet fruitless debate over which band was better: The Beatles or The Rolling Stones. I puke! For even if we ignore how many bad albums the Stones have (a lot) versus how many bad albums The Beatles have (uhm, none) or that the Stones charge up to £950 for the chance to see them live whilst The Beatles were a shooting star never to be seen again; there is another little often ignored fact about the relationship between these two legends which people tend to forget. The Beatles Wrote The Rolling Stones’ First Top 20 Hit Song.

In 1963, the two bands bumped into each other and struck up a conversation. Jagger and Richards complained that they needed a new single, and being the nice guys they were, the Lennon/McCartney duo decided to help them out. The two Beatles joined the Stones at their studio session and then quickly wrote a song right in front of their stunned faces, jaws wide open as Jagger-Richards realised they sucked in comparison and had to improve their game dramatically. Which, thankfully, they did.

The song was called I Wanna Be Your Man, and it hit #12 in the UK, giving the Stones their very first chart success story. The Beatles then later re-recorded the song themselves, with Ringo on vocals. Did this mean they were regretful that they’d parted ways with such an obvious winner? Evidently not, as Lennon had the following to say on the matter:

"It was a throwaway. The only two versions of the song were Ringo and the Rolling Stones. That shows how much importance we put on it. We weren't going to give them anything great, right?"


The 10 Coolest Things The Beatles Ever Did: 05. The Beatles Secretly Hid Naughty Words In Their Lyrics
05. The Beatles Secretly Hid Naughty Words In Their Lyrics

Despite all their love-centric compositions and early overuse of the "yeah yeah yeah" phrase, The Beatles were still vulgar pranksters at heart, carefully slipping bad words into their songs so slyly that most Beatlemaniacs still have no idea what they are singing along to. Here are my top five:

Girl (1965) - Around the 1:00 mark, Harrison and McCartney repeat the word "tit tit tit" over and over again, Beach Boys fashion.

Baby, You're a Rich Man (1967) - Aimed at their gay Jewish manager, Brian Epstein, many claim Lennon alters the lyric to say "Baby, you’re a rich fag Jew" right at the end.

Penny Lane (1967) - Around the 1:36 mark, McCartney states "Four of fish and finger pies", a reference to fish and chips, as well as fingering a lady part.

Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds (1967) - Lennon denied this song’s initials intentionally spelt out LSD, but he was on fuckloads of acid at the time, so I’m not sure we can take his word for it.

Hey Jude (1968) - Despite still being played on the radio, the 2:47 mark of this song contains the words "Whoa! Fucking hell!". Who said it? And why? Who cares, they left it in anyways.

Related: There was also Lennon’s not-so-hidden blasphemous screams of "Christ, you know it ain’t easy" and "they're gonna crucify me" on The Ballad of John and Yoko, which was pretty controversial for 1969. Well, they were more popular than Jesus, after all.

Finally (and on topic), The Beatles not only knew grimy words, but they also made them up, as the term “grotty” (grotesque) was first coined by George Harrison in their aforementioned film A Hard Day’s Night. Good show, lads.


The 10 Coolest Things The Beatles Ever Did: 04. The Beatles Sent Brian Wilson Into Madness
04. The Beatles Sent Brian Wilson Into Madness

Welcome to a creative tennis match of biblical proportions. It begins in the wake of The Beatles’ 1965 masterpiece Rubber Soul, the first album in history hailed as an ALBUM, rather than a collection of singles lifted by filler. The Beach Boys’ Brian Wilson was particularly inspired by the approach, and “answered” with his own solid collection of songs in 1966, namely Pet Sounds. Perhaps you’ve heard of it? It’s only one of the highest regarded albums of all time. So much so, that even The Beatles felt they had been outdone.

Taking on Pet Sounds as their main blueprint, The Beatles released Sgt. Pepper in 1967. It was an attempt at equalling the Beach Boys’ treasure, yet instead snatched the bar from Wilson’s fingers and raised it impossibly higher. Almost all too often, Pepper is hailed as the greatest album of all time, it’s place in history outgrowing Pet Sounds substantially. And that’s when shit went wrong.

Wilson had been working feverishly on his follow up, SMiLE. However, upon hearing Strawberry Fields Forever, he laughed that The Beatles had “beaten him to it”, whilst the little clock of insanity began to chime in his mind. Shortly afterwards, he visited McCartney, who played him A Day in the Life, and Wilson was said to be deeply affected by it. Couple this with an excessive intake of LSD and amphetamines, and Brian couldn’t bear it anymore. He scrapped the SMiLE sessions, had a nervous breakdown, and sat in a sauna for three years straight, voices in his brain threatening to kill him at every head turn.

Wilson came back to reality eventually, and even released SMiLE 35 fucking years later, but it was frequent musical collaborator Van Dyke Parks who described this reclusive period the best:

"Brian had a nervous collapse. What broke his heart was Sgt. Pepper."


The 10 Coolest Things The Beatles Ever Did: 03. The Beatles Invented Heavy Metal (And Heavily Influenced Hip Hop)
03. The Beatles Invented Heavy Metal (And Heavily Influenced Hip Hop)

In 1968, one very erratic and bloated classic named The White Album arrived, featuring an eclectic mix of 20 songs which ranged from psychedelic rock to blues to avant garde, and yes, even to heavy metal. The song on topic was McCartney’s penned Helter Skelter, which was so loud and dirty that almost all music historians concur it was a key influence in the early development of the metal genre. However, it is generally agreed that the first metal band ever was Black Sabbath, and when you consider that Ozzy credits the 1963 Lennon/McCartney composition She Loves You as his main inspiration for becoming a musician, it only further fuels my case.

Side facts: 1969s I Want You (She's So Heavy) is also cited as one of the first metal songs ever, whilst Helter Skelter itself was one of the first songs to utilise the fade-out fade-back-in technique in history.

But while these influences are common knowledge, are you aware of The Beatles’ impact on hip hop culture? Experimental West Coast producer Nobody stated "Like Tomorrow Never Knows. We all agree that's, like, the first electronic song, because it's all tape loops. It is kind of like the way people go about doing beats these days. They didn't have a key change in the song." Influential Roots drummer ?uestlove praised them with "You have to understand the way they created these records. They had [only] four to eight tracks to work with. Technology wasn't like it is today." and rapper Q-Tip also sucked their dick with "They would lay the music down, manipulate it, fuck with it, try to push it, which is the hip-hop aesthetic." There you go.

Finally, on Paul McCartney’s solo 1969 song That Would Be Something, we can also find one of the first recorded examples of beat boxing.


The 10 Coolest Things The Beatles Ever Did: 02. The Beatles Convinced Charles Manson To Murder People
02. The Beatles Convinced Charles Manson To Murder People

This entry isn’t as “cool” as it is “weird”, but it’s fascinating all the same. Because Charles Manson wasn’t right in the head, and after developing his Manson Family cult and hearing The White Album for the first time, he decided the band was talking to him personally, prophesying some rather unsettling events. Now, this may seem a little far-fetched, but there was a bit of twisted smarts behind it. Manson believed that, as it was predicted in the Bible, Revelation (Revolution) 9, four angels (The Beatles) would appear with hair like a woman's, breastplates of fire (electric guitars) issuing brimstone from their mouths (lyrics), accompanied by locusts (beetles) to usher in the end of the world.

Due to the title “The White Album” and the recent assassination of Martin Luther King, Jr., not to mention songs like Revolution 1, Blackbird, Rocky Racoon and Happiness is a Warm Gun, Manson interpreted the message as one of an inevitable violent race war, and adopted the name Helter Skelter for the apocalyptic battle in his head.

After sending The Beatles countless telegrams in an attempt to convince them to join the cause, Manson decided they would have to start the race war themselves by showing “the blacks how to do it”. And we all know the rest: murders took place, including that of the pregnant American sex symbol Sharon Tate, who was stabbed sixteen times by member (Sexy) Sadie. And even more Beatles-y was their trademark of decorating each crime scene with Beatles' song titles using the victims blood, such as “pig(Piggies), and “Healter Skelter” [sic].

They got caught, and naturally all went to jail, Manson still living there to this day. And, of course, the lovey-dovey Beatles didn’t support this behaviour whatsoever, McCartney stating it was unfortunate that his song inspired people to do evil deeds, and Lennon confirming Charlie was "barmy". No shit.


The 10 Coolest Things The Beatles Ever Did: 01. The Beatles Influenced Every Subsequent Album On The Planet
01. The Beatles Influenced Every Subsequent Album On The Planet

I challenge you to challenge me. Pick up your favourite album, then check if any one of the following applies:

1. Does it have a concept?
Sgt. Pepper is often credited as the first album to popularise the technique.

2. Does it feature the lyrics in the cover?
Again, Sgt. Pepper was the first.

3. Does it contain a hidden track?
Once again, Sgt. Pepper was the first album to have one of these. Abbey Road was the second.

4. Does it feature multitracking?
It does. When only four-track machines were available, The Beatles would record their four, then bounce these recordings back into another single track, giving room for three more to play with. They were the first to think of it.

5. Does it feature feedback/distortion?
I Feel Fine was the first recording to purposefully utilise these processes.

6. Does it feature sampling?
Yellow Submarine is often hailed as the first song to sample.

7. Does it feature any backwards guitar and/or vocals?
Rain was the first song to feature reversed vocals. Tomorrow Never Knows/I’m Only Sleeping were the first to feature reversed cymbals/guitar.

8. Does it feature flanging?
Most likely. Automatic double tracking was Lennon’s idea, Abbey Road engineer Ken Townsend made it happen, Lennon named it. Tomorrow Never Knows was the first song to use it.

9. Is the artwork even remotely good?
Before Sgt. Pepper, album covers generally cost around £50 to make. They spent £3,000 on that image, and changed everything in the process.
Furthermore: The first printed copies of The White Album were individually numbered, an expensive gimmick beyond even what most artists would dare to attempt today.

10. Does it contain a song over 7 minutes?
Hey Jude is 7:11, the then longest single to top the charts, ever. Such a length wouldn’t even fit onto the vinyl, and they had to alter the grooves just to cater for it. The fade out was not intentional, the record was literally losing space.

Enough said? Almost...


And In The End:
If nothing else, I hope this article has proven to you that The Beatles were rad.
Like, did you know they were the first to produce seamless song ordering, where one song would run into the next without a gap, on Sgt. Pepper?
Or how about their 1964 Ed Sullivan Show appearance, where rumour has it not a single crime was reported in America during the hour of their performance, simply because everyone was watching them and because they were superheroes?
Or how about when they invented the rap beef, which I wrote about extensively in this article, here (point 14).
Or how about when they invented the Apple Corporation, which is different to Apple Inc., sure, but it did provoke countless lawsuits, and come to think of it, the Hard Days Night artwork does look suspiciously like an iOS prototype?
Or how about when their 1967 satellite broadcast of All You Need is Love was the first live global television link in entertainment history, being watched by 400 million people in 26 countries, the single largest television audience at that point?

Like I said, I could write a lot more, but my friends tell me that I ramble too much in these blogs, so I'll just leave it here, satisfied that I did good by assuming everyone had a nice time. xxx