10 Musicians Who Sold Their Soul To The Devil

reportedly...

Sneaking a deal with Satan is far from a modern concept, and by now I assume we are all aware that for the simple price of eternal damnation, any ordinary person can obtain anything they are struggling to acquire for themselves, thanks to good ol' friendly Lucifer. What a guy! How one goes about making said deal, I’m not quite sure, but I imagine it has something to do with goat’s urine, a pentagram drawn in salt, a handshake covered in blood, and the Lord’s prayer spoken backwards in front of the mirror.

The origin of the tale goes back to the 500s decade, where Saint Theophilus the Penitent (Theophilus of Adana) turned down the opportunity to become a bishop out of humility. However, once someone else took his place, he writhed in jealously, regretting his decision so much that he contacted the Devil, renounced Christ, signed his contract, gave up his soul, and ultimately became the bishop he wanted. Years later, Theophilus freaked out about his evil deed and fasted for 70 days in repent, during which time the Virgin Mary shouted at him but eventually granted his forgiveness. He died shortly after, and floated gracefully into Heaven, although then again, maybe that Mary thing was a hallucination due to his starvation? Perhaps Theophilus is still burning in Hell as we speak? Who knows how death works anyway?

An even more popular fable which helped push the wicked notion into a higher awareness, was that of Faust. While the myth is often cited to be based on the true life story of Dr. Johann Georg Faust (1480–1540), the details have been skewed in so many directions that it’s difficult to pick one interpretation to tell. However, the general consensus is that Faust called upon the Devil to swap his soul for knowledge and superpowers. They agreed on a 24 year contract, and Faust got everything he wanted, including: the ability to perform the miracles of Christ; a young girl to sodomise; and a dog which could transform into a servant. Near the end of the legend, Faust also began to regret his decision, but a deal is a deal, and after the 24 years were up, people discovered Faust's bedroom plastered with blood while his body lay dead in the courtyard outside.

Since then, popular culture is abundant with pact references, from fictional accounts to real life accusations—the latter of which this article is based around. For (like any jealous average human being), I refuse to believe anybody has achieved more than me via legitimate means, and so I write these words to expose the truth behind those who took a shortcut to my dreams.
That, and I’m also kinda hoping this blog sends the message loud and clear to Lucifer that I am ready and want in.
Hail Satan, here they are:

10. Katy Perry

Born under the thumb of two Pentecostal pastors and initially pursuing a career in gospel music, Katy Perry was everything the Christian community adored in an entertainer. She was attractive. She was talented. She was wholesome. But then she kissed a girl and BAM the Devil burst in with an erect cock, supporting her rise as she sold upwards of 11 million records worldwide as well as receiving three Guinness World Records (in a suspiciously short space of time).

We can all imagine her Daddy's face as she shoved cupcakes on her tits whilst publicly dismissing her religious upbringing, stating that she didn’t “believe in a Heaven or a Hell” and that she was “not Christian” anymore. Little did we know at the time, but she was already on a slippery slope towards Satanism, the final confession taking place on some Australian talk show where the pop singer ADMITTED she had indeed sold her soul to the Dark Lord.
As follows:

“You know what was going on in my life at 15, and ... that’s how I got introduced to the music industry, because I swear I wanted to be like the Amy Grant of music, but it did not work out. And so I sold my soul to the Devil.”
- Katy Perry

Well that settles that. And now that I mention it, her performances of Dark Horse do look a tiny bit like some sort of Satanic ritual, don’t they? Yes, they do.

09. Bob Dylan

Selling over 100 million records and receiving every honour you could possibly imagine, Bob Dylan has gone through some weird phases in his life. Probably the most alienating of these phases blossomed in the late 1970s, where the man apparently made contact with some sort of otherworldly entity which changed his path of spirituality forever. In his own words:

“There was a presence in the room that couldn’t have been anybody but Jesus ... Jesus put his hand on me. It was a physical thing. I felt it. I felt it all over me. I felt my whole body tremble. The glory of the Lord knocked me down and picked me up.”
- Bob Dylan

But was it really Jesus? WAS IT, DYLAN? Well, he sure thought it was, as he spent the next few albums preaching the Good Word in the contemporary gospel scene, and nobody was particularly impressed. The sales fell flatter than Dylan's monotone vocals and his fans mumbled as they left the stadium, betrayed that their special prophet had found his very own prophet. Thankfully, Bob chilled out a bit later in his career, even downplaying the details he had so openly delivered in the past decades, but this was not over. In 2004, further rumours flared up about his partnership with the powers that be, after the following conversation on 60 Minutes took place:

Interviewer: Why are you still out here?
Dylan: It goes back to that destiny thing. I made a bargain with it, you know, long time ago. And I’m holding up my end.
Interviewer: What was your bargain?
Dylan: To get where I am now.
Interviewer: Should I ask who you made the bargain with?
Dylan: With the Chief Commander.
Interviewer: On this Earth?
Interviewer: In this earth and in a world we can’t see.

Now, some are quick to argue that he was talking about Jesus or the Christian God here, but I am not entirely convinced. I mean, have you ever heard of someone making a deal with Jesus to receive fame and fortune? If so, I want to do that! It seems a lot less dodgy than the Devil route, anyway. Otherwise, sorry Dylan, but I think you got played.

08. Ke$ha

I imagine it must be quite annoying when Satan gets a phonecall from someone like Ke$ha. I mean, no offence to the girl, but she isn’t exactly as naturally talented as everyone else on this list, is she? However, props to the Devil as he definitely did his best, granting the girl a number-one album and two number-one singles, most notably Tik Tok which is among the best-selling digital singles in history—14 fucking million units, to be exact. You did well all things considered, Lucifer.

And, at a guess, it would seem part of Ke$ha's deal was to praise the dark name publicly, which she did, the most explicit example found on her b-side track Dancing With The Devil. Here are just some of the lines featured in that song to help you understand how serious this is:

“You and I made a deal. I was young and shit got real. We've been through Hell and back.”
“Your love is made of dirty gold, but I’m the one who sold my soul. So go ahead and take my hand.”
“So I’m all yours until the end. A holy war, I’ll never win. So I’ll keep dancing ’til I die.”
“He’s got my mind (you got...), he’s got my soul (...Hell to pay), Mama... he won’t let me go!” - Ke$ha, Dancing With The Devil

Furthermore, Ke$ha also admitted to Ryan Seacrest that her song Supernatural is about this one time when she had sex with a ghost, so maybe that was part of the deal too? Not to mention her trendy tendency to flash pentagrams and upside down crucifixes in her fashion choices, so perhaps this is actually a decent example of where everyone got their money’s worth?

07. Giuseppe Tartini

So here’s a name you’ve never heard before. But if you had lived in the 1700s, you’d not only be dead by now, but you would also more than likely be aware of the Baroque violinist, Giuseppe Tartini. This is because the man’s compositions were so technically demanding (even by today’s standards) that many people believed he was born with six fingers on his right hand—blatantly the only logical explanation as to how anyone could play such insanely difficult licks. Although ... perhaps, there was another reason?
In Tartini’s own words:

"One night, in the year 1713, I dreamed I had made a pact with the Devil for my soul. Everything went as I wished: my new servant anticipated my every desire. Among other things, I gave him my violin to see if he could play. How great was my astonishment on hearing a sonata so wonderful and so beautiful, played with such great art and intelligence, as I had never even conceived in my boldest flights of fantasy. I felt enraptured, transported, enchanted: my breath failed me, and—I awoke. I immediately grasped my violin in order to retain, in part at least, the impression of my dream. In vain! The music which I at this time composed is indeed the best that I ever wrote, and I still call it the ‘Devil's Trill’, but the difference between it and that which so moved me is so great that I would have destroyed my instrument and have said farewell to music forever if it had been possible for me to live without the enjoyment it affords me." - Giuseppe Tartini

Said track (Devil's Trill Sonata) has gone on to be one of Tartini’s most famous works, a song so weirdly potent that the rumours outgrew the tale, various sources claiming that the man was actually in frequent contact with the Devil for inspiration since that dream. But regardless of the reasons, he has gone down in history as (the often cited) “greatest composer and violinist of the XVIIIth century,” as well as named the “Master of Nations” by his own country. So that's a pretty good deal right there.

06. Rihanna

With over 200 million records sold worldwide (one of the best-selling artists of all time) and thirteen number-one singles on the Billboard Hot 100 chart (the youngest and fastest solo artist to accomplish this feat), the stories about Rihanna selling her soul to the devil are rife throughout her career, and not exclusively from the mouths of others.

Take this 2012 Tweet, for example. Here you will see RiRi politely putting the Devil down, by quietly proclaiming “FUCK U SATAN!!! Fuck right off!!!!!” Woahhh, what happened there, I wonder? Did you not read the fine print or something, Ri?

Beyond even this, was during an interview with Hot 97’s Angie Martinez. Here, Rihanna was asked why she was covering her eye on her album cover Rated R, and her response was as simple as:

“Because I am a devil worshipper, what are you talking about?"*
- Rihanna

* - Warning: this quote is totally taken dangerously out of context.

But, for me, the most incriminating evidence came from other people, most notably Tiffany Evans (“known” for her single Promise Ring with Ciara). After Rihanna’s Russian Roulette hit came out, the definitely not-jealous Tiffany had the following to say:

“Russian Roulette = suicidal rate gonna sky rocket! [...] Man! I really wish I could tell you guys what the industry really is and what stars are a part of destroying this world. The stars who worship Satan, and those who have killed (blood sacrifices) to get the respect they have now. You’d be verrrry surprised. Some of your favorite people pretend to worship God but they only do that to save face. Or seem innocent. Satan was head of music in Heaven [...] Once you make a certain amount of money, just know that that’s when they ask you to join. To get in you have accept the beast worship. Once you join they assist you with your career. Make you huge, only if you agree and obey to destroy God’s word and his children. People listen and pay attention. It’s a war going on right now between Good and Evil. Evil will rule this world for a min. The people that have this power are the people that RULE the whole world. I’m done I won’t say anymore before I get in trouble.”
- Tiffany Evans

R&B entertainer and Rihanna friend Omarion (who?) weighed in on this subject too, with:

“I don’t personally know Rihanna’s beliefs but I think there’s a very dark and very sinister part of the entertainment business and I think it’s very visible [...] With God and the industry, it’s really dark. The dark side is having to get in, there’s a certain submission you need to have. Just like a gang, so to speak. You might have to do something against your moral code. I’m not saying that it’s always this way, but when you’re someone that is young and you’re coming up in the industry and you really don’t have a grip on your morals it can be very dark [...] I don’t know if Rihanna has fallen victim to those pressures. I’ve never really heard her speak about it. I hope that she doesn’t believe in that stuff and I don’t think that she does, but I don’t know. It’s not just been a Rihanna thing, there’s has been religious speculation about a lot of artists.”
- Omarion

As if this wasn’t enough to blow your precious pop goddess out of the clouds, there is even more coming on this lady very shortly...

Read This Next Maybe

I Read The Satanic Bible So You Don't Have To

05. Jay-Z (and associates)

While researching for an article such as this, one cannot help but run into countless mentions of the dreaded “Illuminati” word, again and again and again and zzzzz. I have tried my very best to separate the two subjects (hence why anyone desperately searching for Gaga’s name within this piece will be highly disappointed), but was quick to realise I could not avoid the topic completely. Which leads us into this chunky entry, serving a spot where I can slap them all in one place and leave them behind, with Jay-Z as the leader of the pack.

As one of the world’s most financially successful artists of all time ($520 million net worth; more than 100 million records sold; 21 Grammy Awards; consistently rated as one of the greatest rappers in history; etc), Jay-Z also has the unique honour of being dubbed the head of various weird conspiracy theories. Not only has he often labeled himself as a God (see the song Crown, as well as his countless self references as J-hova) and taking the original credit for flashing the diamond-Roc hand symbol (one of the more popular Illuminati trademarks, so I'm told), he was also the founder of Roc-A-Fella Records. That very name itself is an allusion to the Rockefeller title (one of the most powerful families in history, often hypothesised as the originators of the Illuminati group because of something money something something). Within this label, it seems many of his associates and their performances are abundant with occultish and masonry symbolism, and here are some of the more popular ones so you don’t have to leave my blog ever again:

Rihanna!
She's a signee of Jay’s, and we touched on her only moments earlier. But beyond what we’ve already established, there are some other creepy incidents related to this topic. Just one example: blink and you miss it, but during her S&M video, the words Princess of the Illuminati flash up behind her. Oooooh.

Kanye West!
He and Jay-Z have worked together on tons of albums, so much so that Kanye received most of his initial recognition from these very collaborations. One such collaboration is that Jay-Z track named Lucifer which Yeezy made the beat for—and that’s the Devil’s name! Furthermore, Kanye’s videos for Runaway and Power are dripping heavy with Illuminati analogies (or so they say), and even the artist himself rapped the following on his GOOD Music BET Cypher freestyle:

“I sold my soul to the devil, thats a crappy deal. Least it came with a few toys like a happy meal.”
- Kanye West

Beyoncé!
And, of course, there's Jay’s lovely wife. She too has not escaped the fingers of accusations, many pointing out her own evil imagery during shows, especially when she couldn't help morphing into a demon in front of our very own eyes at the Super Bowl XLVII halftime show.

There are some even more mental people who swear they can see a skull and crossbone logo in (their daughter) Blue Ivy Carter’s eyes, but I can’t be thinking like that for the sake of my own sanity.

Now, some might say all of this is far too speculative, and doesn't really have anything to do with Jay selling his soul to Devil whatsoever. And you'd be right. But it's hard to deny that if there were some sort of Devil soul-selling conspiracy theory shit going on, Jay would know about it. Hell, Jay would be the kingpin of the whole operation. I guess that's why in Nas’ track Ether (known as one of the greatest diss songs of all time), he boldly accused Jay of exactly that, using the plain and simple line:

“You traded your soul for riches.”
- Nas, Ether

WELL IF NAS SAYS IT, IT GOTS TO BE TRUE.

One final side note of interest, on the Beatles/Jay-Z mashup Grey Album, the song Lucifer 9 reversed clearly features Jay-Z saying “666” and “Murder Murder Jesus”. But unless Danger Mouse knows something we don’t, I think this may have just been his little fun time.

04. Black Sabbath

You surely knew this was coming. Because where would anything Satan be without their main musical disciples here on earth; the pioneers and probably the most influential heavy metal band ever; selling 70 million records worldwide; inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame; and winning two Grammys—all despite their open affiliation with Lucifer (or perhaps, because of it?).

"I really wish I knew why I’ve done some of the things I’ve done over the years. Sometimes I think that I’m possessed by some outside spirit. A few years ago, I was convinced of that—I thought I truly was possessed by the Devil. I remember sitting through the Exorcist a dozen times, saying to myself, ‘Yeah, I can relate to that.’"
- Ozzy Osbourne

This blasphemous story begins with bassist/primary lyricist Geezer Butler. By his own account, he received some book on the occult as a gift, and placed it in his cupboard without much thought. That same night, he awoke to a Satanic being stood at the foot of his bed. When this creature finally disappeared, he was understandably spooked and promptly went to his cupboard to throw the book away. But it was gone. Since then, the figure followed not only Geezer, but the whole band, each member reporting similar events until they all kinda got used to it and proclaimed the mysterious force to be the ‘fifth member of Black Sabbath’.

"I was putting upside down crosses on my wall and pictures of Satan all over. I painted my apartment black. I was getting really involved in it and all these horrible things started happening to me."
- Geezer Butler

If there was indeed a deal here, I think it would be easy to work out the terms. Sabbath admitted that when they first started jamming, songs would appear to them already written (the first three albums hardly a result of their own hands, reportedly). In return, the band did everything they could to preach the dark word: they placed Satanic symbols and demonic themes throughout all their work; they bit the heads off small animals; they took all the drugs; and of course, they fucking named their band Black Sabbath in the first place. They even titled their 1976 compilation album We Sold Our Soul for Rock 'n' Roll, but I think we all know what they really meant.

“I've always had this thing about Satan from the time I was small ... the Devil is within us all the time.”
- Ozzy Osbourne

As if the above quote wasn't enough evidence, the majority of the band’s evils were carried on the shoulders of lead vocalist Ozzy Osbourne (aka the Prince of Darkness) alone, by far the most popular member due to his highly regarded solo career and relatively embarrassing reality TV show spells. It would take a whole independent article just to highlight the insane rockstar antics this madman has managed to accumulate over a life that should have ended decades ago, but I’d rather focus on the time he tried to kill his wife. In her own words:

“I was downstairs reading. He came down with just his underpants on. And he's like, 'We've come to a decision.' And I'm like, 'We've'? And he said 'You have to die'. And then he just dived on me and got me down, and was just strangling me. But he was gone. There were blinkers on his eyes. He had gone. It wasn't Ozzy.”
- Sharon Osbourne

Yeah, so that might be enough to wonder if the deal went a bit too far, hey? Damn, Satan, you bad! But even if this is still not enough to convince you, the final evidence came as recent as 2014, when the singer was asked what he would sell his soul to the Devil for. His response?

"I already have. Well, you sell your soul to the Devil when you do something yourself that you shouldn't, and I already have. I've fucking lived my life to the fullest. If there's an afterlife, I've got a good fucking spot in the furnace, you know?"
- Ozzy Osbourne

You see! Right there! He confessed! Done.

"I don't know if I'm a medium for some outside source. Whatever it is, frankly, I hope it is not what I think ... Satan."
- Ozzy Osbourne

03. Niccolò Paganini

Know him or not, Niccolò is one of the highest praised violin virtuosos of all time, standing as a huge influence on modern violin techniques and inspiring endless composers to this very day. And how did he become so good? Well, Satan, obviously.

Legend has it that his mother was the negotiator, making a pact with the Devil herself, trading her son’s then six-year-old soul for a career as the greatest violinist in the world. Whether this tale was true or not, Paganini was well aware of the reputation, and never denied any of the allegations, rather exploiting his seemingly supernatural superpowers until the whole world was in awe of his otherworldly abilities. Some of the more incriminating incidents include:

He once won a Stradivarius violin by playing a piece so technical that it was said to be impossible to perform, even with preparation. Niccolò played it on sight.
He was capable of playing three octaves across four strings in one hand span—a feat which is considered nearly impossible even by today’s standards.
For many years, no other violinist was even capable of playing any of his music.
His performances were said to be so compelling that his audience would either watch in tears or from a trancelike stupor.
Once, when a string on his violin snapped in an intricate passage, he simply continued playing the piece on three strings, which was unheard of at the time and froze the crowd’s facial expressions into gaping holes of mouths. After that day, Paganini often purposefully played on worn out strings in hopes that they would snap, forcing him to play on less and less strings much to the audience's delight. He even started writing entire pieces for a single string.
Finally, inspirational composer Hector Berlioz once stated that Niccolò was “one of those artists of whom it must be said: 'They are because they are, and not because others were before them'".

Due to such stories (and many others) he was worshipped and feared by all. The talks of the soul selling incident slowly morphed into rumours that Niccolò was in actual fact the son of the Devil, and then eventually, many swore that he was the Devil himself. People claimed they noticed a double figure of Paganini in the audience at every show he played. Others believed they watched a demon with horns and hooves just off of the stage, who would guide Paganini’s bow arm with its tail throughout the performance. Once, after borrowing a fellow musician's violin, the lender refused to take it back, anxious that he would become possessed by Niccolò’s Satanic powers. Whispers such as these became so loud that people would make the sign of the cross in his presence. It eventually got so out of control that Paganini was legally forced to publish letters from his mother to prove he came from real human parents after all.

But, in the end, we all have to die, and Paganini did die too, from internal haemorrhaging in 1840. The issue came when no Church would touch the body, denying him any Catholic burial whatsoever. In fact, it took 36 years and an appeal to the Pope just to get his body buried at all, which I’m sure Lucifer found hilarious as he welcomed this definite soldier to his side.

02. Led Zeppelin

Here’s another crowd pleaser, as the reports about Led Zeppelin selling their souls to the Devil have existed since ... well, since they’ve existed, really. But why? Where did it come from? What is the meaning of this? I took a look around and discovered that it all started with Jimmy Page, (one of) the (best) guitarist(s in the world, ever). In his own words:

"My interest in the occult started when I was 15. I do not worship the Devil, but Magick does intrigue me. Magick of all kinds. I read ‘Magick in Theory and Practice’ when I was about 11 years old, but it wasn't for some years that I understood what it was all about."
- Jimmy Page

Jimmy’s interest in the unknown grew so strong that he had ‘the wickedest man in the world’ Aleister Crowley’s dictum “Do what thou wilt” inscribed into the grooves of the original Led Zeppelin III vinyl, and even went on to purchase the philosopher's old house. Now, what was it that my Mom told me? The fastest way to get a visit from the Devil is to meddle? How else would you explain the 200-300 million records sold worldwide? Every album entering the Billboard top 10? Six of which hit number 1? Inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame? Each member so incredibly talented that not one could out-perform another? Arguably the most influential hard rock band in history? Nope, you simply cannot explain this. Nobody can explain this. Only the Devil could be behind such a monumental success.

Naturally, it goes even deeper than this, the biggest helping of evidence coming (quite fittingly) from their biggest song ever, Stairway to Heaven. The story goes that singer Robert Plant wrote the majority of his lyrics in one quick sitting, as if the words poured through him and were not of his own. Something like:

“Robert was sitting in the corner, or rather leaning against the wall, and as I was routining the rest of the band with this idea and this piece, he was just writing. And all of a sudden he got up and started singing, along with another run-through, and he must have had 80% of the words there.”
- Jimmy Page

“My hand was writing out the words, 'There's a lady is sure [sic], all that glitters is gold, and she's buying a stairway to heaven'. I just sat there and looked at them and almost leapt out of my seat."
- Robert Plant

And so, if something else was moving that pencil for Plant, he really couldn’t be blamed if, say, some bored High School kids reversed the vinyl and found Satanic messages hidden within the music, right? Because that’s exactly what happened. People were shocked and appalled to discover that various dark phrases were hidden within the backwards grooves, which are generally agreed to say something like:

“Oh, here's to my sweet Satan. The one whose little path made me sad, whose power is Satan. He'll give those with him 666. And all those fools who made us suffer, Sad Satan.”
- Led Zeppelin, Stairway to Heaven (reversed)

Naturally, the band denied all of this, but if Robert also claims he never technically "wrote" those lyrics, who is he to say, really? It’s also a little eerie and coincidental that aforementioned Aleister Crowley advocated his followers to learn how to speak backwards too, hmmm? But whatever you think, I stand by the hypothesis that if there was ever a song the Devil wrote himself, this would undoubtedly be it. I mean, think about it, if you’re taking the Stairway to Heaven backwards, you are...

Many attribute this deal with Satan to a lot of the horrible things that happened to the band since, for example, drummer John Bonham choking to death on his vomit in 1977 (ending the band) and Plant’s five-year-old son dying from a stomach infection. But whatever the case, I think Jack Black summed it up best, with:

“They say that Led Zeppelin sold their souls to Satan ... come on guys, you know you did! There’s no other way to explain your ungodly talents! But while you’re in hell, the human race will cherish your heavenly jams 'til the end of time.”
- Jack Black

01. Robert Johnson

When it comes to any story about the Devil trading talent for a musician’s soul, not a single one rides higher than the tale of Robert Johnson. So much so, that the legend often overshadows the man’s artistic legacy, even when considering how highly praised he is by those who know (cited as a major influence on Bob Dylan, The Rolling Stones, Eric Clapton, early Fleetwood Mac, and, yes, Led Zeppelin).

The myth goes a little something like this: all Robert Johnson ever wanted to be was a great blues musician. Unfortunately, he simply wasn’t that good, labeled mediocre at best, absolutely terrible at worst. That was until the fateful day he received the “instruction” to mission to some unknown crossroad at midnight, taking his guitar with him. There, he met a very tall black man who took the guitar from Johnson, tuned it, played a couple of songs, and then handed it back, the act essentially sealing the deal. The musician returned home, soulless, but overnight had somehow inherited the uncanny ability to play the blues like no other, much to everyone’s confused surprise.

Even if you ignore the fact that no one could explain how this man had become a master in such a rapid timeframe, other evidence included that Robert always turned his back to the audience when he performed (even in the studio), prohibiting anyone to see his hand in action, probably because it wasn’t his hand. He had also returned with some newly found powers over women, possessing them as they fell hopelessly in love with him whenever he wanted them to. Another interesting fact is that six of Johnson’s 29 songs mentioned dark and supernatural forces in one way or another, which much like anyone on this list, seems like a standard part of the pact.

“The thing about Robert Johnson was that he only existed on his records. He was pure legend.”
- Martin Scorsese

Another reason as to why this myth runs thick, is due to how obscure the man was. Indeed, there are reportedly only five dates in Johnson’s life that can be used to assign him to any place in history, his songs one of the very few items of proof that the man even existed, leaving one poorly documented life with far too much breathing space for the myth to grow without much restraint. But whatever the truth, his contract was short lived, as one night whilst flirting with some woman at a dance in 1938, Johnson was handed a poisoned bottle of whiskey and was murdered, becoming one of the original and more famous members of the 27 Club.

“I came upon a crossroad, the night was hot and black. I see Robert Johnson, with a ten dollar guitar strapped to his back, lookin' for a tune. Well here comes Lucifer, with his canon law, and a hundred black babies runnin' from his genocidal jaw. He got the real killer groove, Robert Johnson and the devil, man. Don't know who's gonna rip off who.”
- Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds; Higgs Boson Blues

Outtakes

Snoop Dogg
Why he should have been included: Exclusively for his lyrics on Murder Was The Case.
Why he wasn't included: Stoners can't sell their soul to Satan, they are far too paranoid.

John Lennon
Why he should have been included: Both books The Lennon Prophecy (by Joseph Niezgoda) and Lennon: The Definitive Biography (by Ray Coleman) state that Lennon made a pact with the Devil to become "bigger than Elvis".
Why he wasn't included: There are a lot of books which like to say damaging things about John, and so I take such allegations with a pinch of salt, a squeeze of lemon, and a shot of tequila.

Lil Wayne
Why he should have been included: For his lyrics from Here We Are (Rich Gang) and some backwards messaging in I Feel Like Dying.
Why he wasn't included: Because he sucks.

Tommy Johnson
Why he should have been included: His own brother was adamant that Tommy sold his soul to master the guitar.
Why he wasn't included: His story, while a good one, is so often mixed up with Robert Johnson's (no relation) that it became pointless to write the same thing twice.

Eminem
Why he should have been included: Eminem has admitted in many songs that he sold his soul to Satan for fame, namely Rain Man, Demon Inside, Say Goodbye to Hollywood, and (most notably) My Darling.
Why he wasn't included: Because he talks a lot of shit. He simply sold out more than anything (lol).


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Worst To Best: Stanley Kubrick

Have you ever tried to watch all of Kubrick’s films within a very short duration of time? It’s no easy task, take my word for it. It’s kind of like an episode of Will it Blend?, where your brain gets overstuffed with so much detailed data that your processor has to work at three times the strength just to remember to breathe, and eventually you kinda fizzle out and die.

I completed the assignment though, and as I reached the conclusion, I demanded my mindcomputer produced a summary of what it had learned. It whirred for a bit, then spluttered, and eventually shat out one plain and simple sentence:

“Kubrick is the greatest director that ever lived”.

Debatable! But that’s what my brain said! And even if we can shout other names (Hitchcock comes to mind), no film connoisseur could argue that Stanley Kubrick is one of the most influential directors of all time. Perhaps you have a different favourite, but I still doubt you’d kick up too much of a fuss when someone drops this genius’ name in such high regard. Because he changed everything! With his controversial topics, revolutionary cinematography, borderline torture of his actors, and complete disregard to what the viewer might have wanted, he managed to lead one of the most perfect careers in movie history, truly without a bad film, and with some very good ones. And so my only hope is that I do the man some justice here by gushing my fanboy juices all over this page, and I also want you to enjoy it, whoever you are.

Note: Short documentaries and AI were not included for obvious reasons.

13. Killer's Kiss (1955)

Only a list about Kubrick would dare to feature a movie as decent as Killer’s Kiss to be this low, but something had to be here, and so here it is. For, as the director’s second feature film, you could already feel the man gazing in the right direction, even if the budget was so constrictive that Stanley was reportedly forced onto welfare during the shooting, and a lot of the scenes had to be shot in secret, hidden from the police due to the lack of permits. However, the absence of money wasn’t the issue, as all the style and odd surrealistic moments in the world could not save this film from the one thing that burdened it the worst: a painfully ordinary storyline. It flashed back upon the thin love tale between a boxer and a private dancer, portrayed by some of the stiffest acting I’ve ever seen in my whole life, complete with dialogue so bland that it’s rumoured to have been dubbed into the film during post production. True or not, that's a pretty severe rumour. Now blend this with the fact that United Artists changed the ending of the script against Kubrick’s wishes, and I reckon the man himself would understand why we are leaving this right here.

12. Spartacus (1960)

I am Spartacus! Winning four Academy Awards, becoming the biggest moneymaker in Universal Studios’ history for a decade, and having been subjected to countless parodies ever since; it is no wonder as to why this historical epic drama has received more than its fair share of worship in latter days. But that means shit to me. Because even while the mighty title character (portrayed perfectly by Kirk Douglas) impressively leads this powerful rebellion against Christianity, slavery, race discrimination, gender discrimination, and the Roman Empire ... the film itself simply feels less “Kubrick” than anything else on this list. The reasons are obvious, as the director was employed as a replacement, forced into the pilot seat within two days of signing his contract without any creative control over the script, design, or the actors. As a result, even our hero labeled this three hour long drag as “too moralising”, distancing his name from the project and refusing to be a hired gun ever again because of it. And I understand. I mean, sure, I have to respect that many groupies do praise this flick's existence most highly, but I am just not one of them, and this is my blog, so.

11. Fear and Desire (1953)

By creeping around the net, you will find almost every similar Worst to Best Kubrick list cold-heartedly elbows this short military film to the very bottom, and who can blame them? As Stanley’s first feature (funded by borrowed money from family and friends), critics have disregarded Fear and Desire as a clunky, sloppy, and unsteady introduction to the director. Hell, even the master himself denounced the film, calling it a “bumbling, amateur exercise,” comparing it to a “child’s drawing on a fridge,” and then personally attempting to buy all the prints himself to destroy them from all of existence (and he nearly succeeded too). Thankfully, some copies survived, and now anyone can enjoy these four soldiers stuck behind enemy lines as they deal with their fear and mental illness, one cliché tale delivered by acting and dialogue which leaves much to be desired (see what I did there?). However, such a bad reputation has served it well by dropping the expectation bar so drastically low that I myself was pleasantly surprised, finding the effort relatively charming with some really memorable scenes, and naturally blessed with the unavoidable scent of Kubrick’s genius firmly in tact. So, yes, maybe it’s not all that great, but it’s definitely not as bad as everyone says it is.

10. Barry Lyndon (1975)

Despite this pitiful position, there has to be a reason as to why Barry Lyndon won four production Oscars; why Scorsese named it his favourite Kubrick in the world; and why it is often rated one of the greatest films ever made, right? Right. And this is because the 1700s period drama is a technological feat and an aesthetic landmark of note, as we witness our unlikeable protagonist elegantly manipulating his way through the most visually appealing scenery one could envision, surrounded by historically accurate costumes and a certain minimal lighting which achieved exactly what Kubrick set out to create: a movie which looked like a painting. But, be honest now, would you stare at a painting for three hours? Because that’s what this is like: one slow, uneventful experience, presented via characters as dull as the storyline itself, a prime example of style over substance. Which might be why the bloated offering didn’t quite hit the commercial success everyone had hoped for, yet is still defended vigorously by many, claiming it takes multiple viewings to fully appreciate, but that's a lot of hours, man! I don't really have time for that, sorry. I mean, in all fairness, it is untouchable for what it is, but as far as entertainment goes, it simply falls too short for my liking (or, rather, way too fucking long).

09. The Killing (1956)

Even if this hopeless love story/heist gone wrong isn't exactly the most unique of plotlines, it does mark the point where Kubrick started to realise who he wasn’t (by judging his former failures), and working out where he needed to go (which is evident in what followed). Unfortunately, not everyone was too convinced, as United Artists still had no faith in the man, refusing to put up much money for the project (leaving the director to once again rely on loans), as well as insisting on a narrator (which Kubrick hated, and is often noted as a big flaw of the film). However, our director got the last laugh, as when this movie was released, the box office ... performed poorly at best :( But it did do wonders for his reputation; the non-linear, fast-paced flick praised as Stanley’s most mature to date, critically acclaimed then, and a cult favourite now, many applauding its humorous commentary on morality—not to mention the trademark camera work Mr Kubrick quickly became famous for. Yet perhaps even more significant than all of this, was when Quentin Tarantino openly labeled The Killing as a major influence on Reservoir Dogs, which is not only very easy to see, but also, very cool.

08. Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

As Kubrick died six days after showing the final cut of Eyes Wide Shut to Warner Brothers, the rumours surrounding his own opinion of the film reflected that of the general public. Some say he considered it his best work, others claimed he loathed it, and I sympathise, as even I cannot tell whether I enjoy this “erotic thriller” or not. Featuring the awkward on screen romance/jealousy between the (then) real life lovers Cruise and Kidman, the whole script felt as though it was lost in its own dream, stumbling through excessively sexual scenes, so far detached from itself that even the challenging surrealistic mindfuck resulted in one overall unsatisfactory dull stroll. But as slow and indulgent as it turned out, the seedy mood lingers long after the credits, and much like all of Kubrick’s latter work, was so unsettlingly detailed that the symbolism debates have often outweighed the plot. Which is why I could talk about this film forever, as undoubtedly his most psychologically creepy and dangerous offering, either my favourite of his lesser films, or my least favourite of his better ones, I can never tell which one. But a curious leaving gift regardless.

07. Paths of Glory (1957)

You may have noticed that "anti-war" is a common theme in Kubrick’s tank, but none hit the mark as sincerely as Paths of Glory, which tackled the issue of cowardice in the face of a suicide mission, and the horrific consequences a platoon may be subjected to as punishment. Set in World War 1, there is no comedic value in here, rather a very truthful account of the dark sadness one may be exposed to within these tragic circumstances, although the true tragedy lay wherein (once again) an early Kubrick was so easily disregarded, barely breaking even and receiving heavy censorship and opposition from Spain and France due to the portrayal of their countries. But all's well that ends well, and it ended well, as the movie continues to be critically worshipped to this very day, partially for the outstanding acting (in particular from Kirk Douglas), but mostly for the director finally coming into his own style with his perfect choices of locations and methods of lighting, reportedly a key influence on “one of the greatest TV dramas of all time,” The Wire. Kubrick also met his future wife on the set of this film, and they stayed married forever, so that’s lovely too ::heart emoji::

06. 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

This film is so epic that I’m scared to even talk about it. It’s basically four movies in one, with hardly any dialogue, purposefully bland acting, and a slow pace to really accentuate the atmosphere of space, cryptically exploring complex philosophies such as artificial intelligence, extraterrestrial life, and (most importantly) the evolution of man. If such an overly-intellectual premise didn’t exhaust you already, then the execution will, as this is one of the most influential films ever made, leaping over the special effects of its era, and pioneering techniques which other directors steal to this very day. And yet, it still divided audiences on either side of the ground it broke: the Academy adored it (earning Kubrick his only personal Oscar) and kids on drugs found God in the Star Gate sequence; while others once again called another Kubrick “too long” and “a drag”, 241 people reportedly walking out of the premier alone. What’s worse is that it aimed to ask questions rather than solve them, leaving the obscure art piece frustratingly open to interpretation, all of which abandons me on the fence, watching me die while I try to make my mind up. But what I do know is that it changed the game, was ahead of its time (even now), and will be furiously analysed until mankind’s very end (or perhaps even more so then). It's kinda beyond a movie, really.

05. Lolita (1962)

Taking on Vladimir Naboko’s naughty novel about an anxious 40 year old man’s irrational infatuation towards a barely teenage girl, one would inevitably expect to clash with some share of opposition, and yet even Kubrick had no idea as to the extent of this. Naturally, the film was plagued with censorship issues from the get-go, nobody daring to touch it, forcing the director to rely on innuendos and subtle suggestions to get the intense subject matter across, toning it down to such a degree that the man admitted he would have never made the movie if he knew what the limitations were going to be. Due to this, groupies of the original book were appalled by the tame adaptation, taking it in turns to disregard the butchery of their classic “love story”, and I can only imagine this hurt Mr Kubrick even further. However, it did make money, and the reviews have always been consistently high, with a particular focus on the actors themselves. And I guess that’s why I love it so much. Which is to say, I am in love with Sue Lyon, I don't care if she was only 14 years old at the time, her performance seduced me as intended and now I'm probably going to jail. Thanks a lot, Stanley.

04. Full Metal Jacket (1987)

Ok, and now we’ve hit the real big boys, starting with Full Metal Jacket, based on Hasford’s novel The Short-Timers, and coming in as Kubrick’s first feature after a seven year hiatus. The story itself was set in the Vietnam War and is split down into two segments: the first being undoubtedly the most memorable as our volunteer marines endure strenuous bootcamp sessions which challenge their masculinity, owed above all else to the infinitely applauded role of R. Lee Ermey as the vulgar drill sergeant—one truly genuine and considerably quotable performance (reportedly a result of him improvising most of his lines). Unfortunately, as we set off into real battle, the second segment does not quite hit the same mark as the first, but the message still screams loud and clear, exposing the effect of war by granting no hope and dehumanising the characters to point of numbness, whilst somehow maintaining the imaginative spark of humour and unconventional dialogue throughout. So, naturally, it grossed high, was instantaneously critically acclaimed, and everyone still loves it long time.

03. Dr. Strangelove or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb (1964)

There is no topic in the world more serious than an atomic missile attack between the USSR and the US, so why not make a completely ridiculous piss-take of the people’s concerns while it was still fresh on their minds? Which, of course, is exactly what this black and white satire did, telling the tale of various politicians trying their best to prevent a nuclear holocaust in the face of world wide doom. It's a tough situation only aggravated by the fact that every character is a little bit stupid and a little bit insane—a weight carried almost exclusively by Peter Sellers (who performs three of the most memorable roles), granting us permission to laugh in the face of one legitimately scary topic. And this is what makes Dr. Strangelove the film which really cemented Kubrick’s genius; a cynical piece which hasn’t dated whatsoever, effortlessly topping many similar lists, boasting the longest title for a Best Picture nominee (at 13 words), and was so relevant to the time’s greatest fears that the government reportedly changed some of their procedures because of its content. Without a doubt, the most hilarious work Kubrick had to offer, especially once you learn that the whole plot's delivery was actually some metaphor for sexual intercourse. That's not a joke either.

02. A Clockwork Orange (1971)

Even if a person hasn't seen A Clockwork Orange, there is a good chance they will be aware of how disturbing it is, and I’m here to explain why. It’s because this dystopian crime landmark shoves violent images into your face whilst asking you to sympathise with the sadistic nature of the main character, Alex. He was created as wicked as they come, yet is still sold as one likeable chap, with his funny words and love for Beethoven and interesting attire and tendency to rape women—he’s almost adorable. Furthermore, his antisocial antics serve a greater purpose, requesting that the viewer contemplates some serious topics to the likes of free will, juvenile delinquency, crime, pornography, and other such problematic political subjects. We, as the witnesses, are expected to identify with evil, and reevaluate who the real victims of our cruel society are. Naturally, such a controversial request was an immediate success everywhere, to the point that many misunderstood the message, and (like any good film) was the catalyst for various real life murders and rapes, generating massive debates in the media and tormenting Kubrick until he completely withdrew the film's release in the UK. But with all the parodies and accolades, no one could escape A Clockwork Orange as one explicitly brutal classic, managing to make violence seem like just a bit of fun, really.

01. The Shining (1980)

Based on but far removed from Stephen King’s novel, this is a film that some of us understand as Kubrick’s greatest work, while others do not. But we who are in the know, view this haunted house as a character itself, allowing ample space without any breathing room, isolating then rejecting all horror clichés, and abusing the actors until their hair began to fall out (note: this actually happened to Shelley Duvall). It’s one long build up of symbolic paradoxes and fleeting inconsistencies, details easily missed by the untrained eye, almost another movie hidden within the movie, so easy to get lost in once you find the key. And yet you never truly find out what it’s about. Is this some paranormal tale? Or one of insanity? We must never know, hence why it still divides opinion to this very day, some calling it “too long” and others calling it “overrated”, which are the type of comments that make me a dull boy. Rather, I consider this film to be the scariest horror I have ever seen (and I’ve seen them all), but so stylish in its attack that you don’t realise how freaked out you were until the film is over and it’s time for bed.

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