Oh my God, I can breathe.

Well, would you look at that? Juice Nothing blogs are all different and shit. To be honest, this change took effect on Friday the 13th of July 2012, but seeing as I am only announcing it now, let’s pretend it just happened. I knocked it up in a few hours, you like? I was very hungover and simply couldn’t take what it used to look like anymore. Which was this, if you don’t remember.

I know you don’t care, but I want to go into the four reasons why I have made this change:

(1) Blogger doesn’t have a nice embed feature, so I was using an iFrame which is BAD WEB-DESIGN. IFRAME NO NO.
So I have stripped the blog side of J0 out, now as its own separate entity. The main Juice Nothing site now serves as nothing but a gateway onto harder drugs. The Loling Floor has grown up and moved out.

(2) The page you are currently reading actually gets more hits than the main Juice Nothing site itself (interestingly enough, mainly from America, hi!) because it is jammed packed with so many keywords you couldn’t count them if you tried. Try! Which meant that by googling stuff like, for example, “I Am The Reincarnation Of John Lennon" or “How To Fuck Boys", you would end up on the shitty old design. Made me look like a fucking amateur.

(3) White-on-black text is a bad idea. I used to read my own blog and my vision would blur. This classic look provides much less health-threatening entertainment.

(4) Finally, go look on it in a smartphone! Go do it! It works sooo much better! It didn’t even work before! Hoorah! I fixed everything.

So that’s some Juice Nothing news, hope you were into it, because here is some more:


JUICE NOTHING
Since my last news update, there have been two decent articles written, as follows:

Scabbage
On the 17th October 2010 (a day after my birthday), I got an email from a girl who had no connection to me whatsoever except a mutual love and respect for a friend’s art. This friend was my favourite artist Scab, and so when she suggested we secretly collaborate on a piece to celebrate his genius, I jumped at the idea. I even mentioned it in this ancient news post here (it was the super secret thing).
If the original date of said email wasn’t enough evidence, it wasn’t as easy as it seemed on paper. We would write and write and then send drafts back and fourth, perpetually adding to it until we ended up with a fucking novel. As a result, test screenings didn’t go down well. It was bloated, spoke in circles and became far too complicated for its own good. So we hacked the shit out of it, sprinkled it with some magic spice, and that’s what you have now, just under 2 years later.
Scab is an artistic genius, and I will do anything to make him famous. Anything. In fact, making Scab famous is the number 2 thing on my to-do list. The first is to get famous myself. So if nothing else, just look at the pictures. I would never write a blog like this for anyone else, and it turned out to be a great little world where Juice Nothing and Scab meet on some sort of imaginary plane. Just click it already, fuck.
Scab himself was very flattered, by the way.

Official Guide To The Top 50 Albums Of 2011, Reinterpreted As Short Stories
Even though I began writing this pretty much at the same time the original short story was published, I was so sick of the idea by then that I just let it go. Even more interesting (for me) is that I wasn't even planning to launch it now. I have another blog written which is pretty much 90% done, but I just couldn't get over the final hurdle in time. So instead, I spent the last few days digging out this one and frantically rewriting it just to fulfill my quota.
So yeah, if you thought the short stories themselves weren't wanky enough, here is a whole fucking in-depth look at the wank. Still, it does feel good explain myself finally, and I am glad it's fucking over.

I have decided to take life slower until 2013 for reasons I will conclude this article with. As mentioned in the previous paragraphs, I do have another blog nearly written which I’ll cough out in the next 2 weeks or so, but I really want to put out my next short story above all else. By my standards, it’s very good. Not in a conceited kind of way, but just in a “holy shit, this surpasses everything else I’ve ever done, I am going to try get this published” kind of way. Maybe there is some conceit in there, actually. But for good reason.


COMING DOWN HAPPY
Coming Down Happy was giving me panic attacks, man. I was going about it all wrong, allowing the negative reactions to really get to me. Because of this, I began working way too hard to get the second part of the story finished, attempting to rectify what the point of this project really was. I got pretty far too. But I was in the wrong space completely, and the reasons were not conducive to creative exploration. I even nearly unpublished the last two news items from the site because I cringe at how confused and fear-stricken I came across. It's embarrassing.
So fuck that, the second part will not be released this year after all. If it happens in 2013, that would be swell, but I don't care. However, other CDH stuff is going on, don't panic. At least one unrelated song is being planned; the comic is on my mind; and most importantly - I have a gig! If you are in London, please make an appearance! It’s guaranteed to suck and I’m nervous as all hell, but living in fear is what keeps me distracted from an otherwise dull existence. Here is a flyer:



And I will not lose sight of what is important ever again. Fun is important. Period.
Speaking of which...


THE FUNPOWDER PLOT
Well, it finally fucking happened. After slowly stroking our cocks for so long, our collective jizz has shot fourth and we have already more than doubled the content that 2011 brought to the dinner table. And it’s only July.

In summary, this is what we released:

Hello Outlook, Show Me Your Reel
A show reel in our attempt to get free tickets and film a docco for Outlook festival. We got through to the interview stage, but ultimately didn’t get the job. Sucks, but cool. I see this video as more of symbolic thing: a showcase of where we have been, and a sign that new things are to come.

RAwDeAl - Don't Pity Me
Completely Ammr’s baby, this is a music video for a friend and talented rapper RAwDeAl. Sometimes in film you have to shoot videos for music you don’t like, and this was not one of those cases. Skill is ill. I love it, Mr. Khalifa. I love you.

Nuestra Casa Summer Boat Party
An old piece Kris gone and done. It is basically just people having fun and partying on a boat. Hard to watch while sitting at your desk, but it got loads of Likes so maybe people dug the torture. Masochists love us.

Nitrous of the Living Dead 2: HELLium on Earth - Official Trailer
A funny trailer put together by Ammr, advertising none other than

Nitrous of the Living Dead 2: HELLium on Earth
After almost 2 years, the sequel has finally been released. It's great for me to watch, because I was so drunk. As much as my impeccable acting will wow you into thinking I was walking around in fear, I was actually laughing hysterically in-between every single shot. That's how brilliant I am. You would never even know. Watch it and dare to disagree (warning: you will probably disagree).

There are 2 other videos on the verge of completion (or so I am told (and people often lie to me (dicks))) as well as another with some footage shot. Besides these, I can think of 2 or 3 other ideas getting thrown around, so FPP may never slow down ever again. Personally, I am super satisfied with this project, and don't mind just sleeping for a bit instead.


JUICE7??
By reading the above Coming Down Happy entry, you may have smelt a slight hint of discomfort in my recent times. I eventually countered this the only way I know how: I reread Scar Tissue by Anthony Kiedis. For the 7th time. And it worked, as always. First thing I did was go gig hunting, which may or may not have been a good idea in hingsight.

But above this, I posted on the nets looking for a band. And then I got a reply. And then I met up with three guys who allowed me to put a mic to my mouth and make noise over their jammings. In just over a week, we were in a room and played some tunes, and it felt good. I think I’m in a band again or something. As you may know, I haven’t had the best of luck when it comes to this medium of collaborative creativity, but the intention is to have fun and the vibe feels right. Who knows what will happen? Maybe nothing. Maybe gigs and recordings and websites and groupies and record deals and cocaine and limos. My eyes are on the latter. But for now, it’s just four dudes, playing rock music, getting to know each other, rocking it out, not thinking too much. On a side note, I think the lyric “the same face that I make when I'm shooting guns is the same face that I make when I fuck” from A Kiss by Bad Meets Evil performed by Royce da 5’9” is fucking cool.


CONCLUSION
I have been doing a lot in recent months. Too much. To the point that I actually got extremely sick for 2 whole weeks back there, which I am positive is somewhat a result of over-working. I’ve felt like a headless chicken desperate for attention. I want to stop this madness. I want to chill. I want to die and fade into obscurity. So for the rest of the year, I am taking a much more backseat approach. It might be a while before I update this blog again, or it might be tomorrow. It doesn't matter, the point is I am feeling much better since making this decision. And who knows? This attitude could actually make things happen faster, so let’s all just get along and have nice times, ok?

Thanks for reading your own blog again, Jared.
It's a pleasure, Jared.
Jared

Follow @LegoTrip