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Wednesday, 29 May 2013

I Broked Your Clock


I broke your clock
Well, it’s been a mighty fine amount of time since I’ve updated you people on my going ons, and as a result, there is a substantial amount of stuff to say on just about every project I am currently involved with. For this reason, I won’t be wasting my time or yours by ranting about women’s rights or the drug problems in the UK, but rather just gonna get on with it. Here is the latest:


JUICE NOTHING WRITINGS
After the failures that were The Best/Worst of Juice Nothing and Streamline Your Life Like Jared Woods (although people have had some very positive shit to say about the latter, but I'm not convinced), I realised I had to stop jerking off into my own eyes and up my game a little bit. Since then, I have been working real hard to spit out a relatively improved standard of work (3 full articles; 2 rants) and nearly managed to do it too. Elaborated:

The Death Of Formspring (rant)
Not so long ago, it was announced that my usual Question and Answers platform Formspring was shutting down. It was a shock to all of us, I know, and I spoke about what this means to me in the quick piece you can read above. As it turns out, it was a slight waste of time, because apparently some last minute deal saved the website from imploding on itself, and everything was cool again. I contemplated how this made me feel, and concluded that I didn't really appreciate the way the announcement fucked with my zen, so I decided to continue with my original plan after all: I will no longer be using the Formspring service to serve you lovely people. Instead, I'll be opening my own Q&A effort, (hopefully) before the end of the year, which will be better and much more secure. Everyone will love it, just yoooou waaaaaittt.

20 White Artists Who Have Said "Nigger" In A Song
And here it is: without a doubt, the best bit of 2013 writing I have achieved thus far. This controversial compilation was born out of my own frustration, lost and unable to find any such an article on the internet, realising I was simply going to have to do it myself. So I researched the hell out of it, swallowed as much information as I could stomach, and then vomited this out over here. Needless to say, response has been fantastic, duh, and the hits rolled right in. Due to its success, I am planning a much weirder sequel of sorts, but let’s not get ahead of each other, or we might fall. Seriously though, if you click nothing else within this news item, click there.

Storm Thorgerson (28 February 1944 – 18 April 2013) (rant)
As people do, Storm Thorgerson died. He was my favourite album artwork creator of all time, and I couldn’t just let him leave us without sending my own little goodbye-love to a man who still believed in the importance of good visuals to go with good audio. So I wrote this thing which included 20 of my favourite pieces he’s been involved with, and if you are one of those who appreciate music and art, it could very well be the quick read you're looking for. It didn’t help me much though, I’m still pretty bleak about it.

25 Albums That Changed My Life: The Tale of the Devil and Me
As a topic I’ve wanted to tackle for a while, it’s kind of a pity that I got the bright fucking idea to present the piece like some exaggerated autobiography short story type of deal. I dunno, it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever done, but it did seem to fall ever so slightly short of the mark (about 75% worthy of your time and about 25% wankity wank). I tried! I really did! I guess they can’t all be winners though, and I am over it, marching forward with my head held high.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever
I just gone and done this! And I fucking love it! What I find interesting about this article is that I had written the entire thing in 2008, start to finish. But something didn't quite feel right about it, and so (thank God), I left it to stew until it was more delicious and ready to be digested with the full potential it deserved. And that time is now. I worked really hard to try and keep it much briefer than my usual blabbering, so if you have an hour or so to waste, I'd be honoured if you wasted it here. Thanks!

It is now the time I shall tell you something else. I (think I) will be using what I like to refer to as my "Get Out Of Jail Free Card" during the month of June 2013. Which is to say, I won’t be updating this bloggy blog during that designated time period of the year. The reasons are many, and I shall touch on a few of them throughout this piece, but I promise it has nothing to do with lack of ideas. As it stands, I have the brewing of 11 separate pieces in the depths of my brain box, so don’t you worry your pretty little face, or you might get wrinkles.


JUICE NOTHING v3.0
Design for the new main website got really far and then I grew bored, flipped the fukkit-switch, and began the daunting journey of actually building the fucking thing. On the one hand, I am super impressed with myself as to fast it has come together. On the other hand, there are sooo many things I want to do for it (in fact, it shall contain more Easter Eggs than actual content) that I couldn’t possibly predict any accurate time of arrival. Before the end of 2013? That would be nice. But regardless, it will be worth the wait, I promise. I am toast vibing it, and yes, a lot of the free time over the next month shall be devoted to this project.


THE GOAT’S NEST SHORT STORIES
But one of the main reasons I will be taking a breather over June (if not, the main reason), is because I have written a little short story, 100% complete in rough handwriting, and it is just sitting in my drawer, turning yellow and eating itself inward. At night time, I can hear it nagging at me, and I am struggling to sleep because of it. Which is why I have decided to begin the process of combing through the pages and transforming the pile of badly scribbled words into something at least remotely readable. The thing is, it might take a while, and so I am granting myself a while to take. Other than that, all you need to know is that I'm calling it Hell (even though it’s not actually gonna be called that) and it’s all about Hell (believe or not).

Besides this, I have been doing little bitsies on the sequel to The Triangular Theory of Love, but it’s becoming one of those “Blood From My Teeth” type deals, and I don’t enjoy that sort of thing. It may never get released, it may get released at the end of the year, I don’t know, you don’t know, but I’ll keep talking about it anyway blah blah blah look at me look at me.

Related:


THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
I drown in pride as I announce my debut novella is 100% written in neat. It goes even further than that, as I'm not the only one who has experienced the tale. Like bedtime stories, I have been reading a few chapters a night to my girlfriend, and if this process has taught me anything, it’s that the project probably isn’t as good as I thought it was. Whatever, when last did you write a book? Exactly.
Over the next month, I will be slowly sending it across to a few other special people in order get their 2 cents (keep an ear out for this, and it may be you), altering it based on their opinions, and then...? Profit? I’m not sure yet, but it should definitely turn into a highlight of the year as far as Juice Something goes.

I also want to quickly mention that I am an overworking freight train of ambition and masochism, and the planning process of my second novella has also begun. I've been watching a fuckload of Studio Ghibli material whilst snorting ketamine, and am on this persistent hyper level of inspiration because of it. I don't want to give too much away, except that I am aiming to go well deep into The Goat's Nest this time, finally opening the lid on fictional incidents that I've been developing since I was a child. About time, I guess.


COMING DOWN HAPPY
So it finally happened: The Black EP reared its ugly distorted face and gave us all an evil wink. The first of four songs named A Million Little Fingers Inside Of You was launched, cartoon video and everything, and I for one was pretty stoked about the execution. The drawings were of a much higher standard, and the song itself was as good (if not better) and those that came before. People agreed, but that’s not what was important. What was important is that I am feeling so rad about this project again, revisiting these characters felt like going back home, and I am amped to develop this story further, as fast as possible.

Which is happening. The second track of the EP (which has been a bit of a toughie, I'll admit) is moving ahead slowly, with about 99% of the lyrics finalised, 48% of the drawings drawn, and 70% of the music sounding pretty damn good (for me). And while it could still go either way, if I manage to get it sounding like it does in my head, it could very well be the best song I've ever done. Expect that soon enough, as it is yet another reason why I'm taking the writing break.


THE FUNPOWDER PLOT
More than likely, the very next thing to come out from me (and my friends) will be one of them FPP joints. Ash has been sweating and bleeding and semening away on what we all agree is our best video to date. It’s a special one, because we are (almost) all involved, and it is waaaay different from anything we've done before. It’s taking forever fucking ages, I'm aware, but everytime I see the most recent edit, I am confused as to why we don’t just release it as is. It’s called World Of The Day, revolves around The Freewheelin' Troubadour and Jonathan Loose Agent 23 van der Velden, and could be out in a matter of weeks. Doesn't that make your tummy runny?

After that, not too sure, but me and Ammr have been discussing some very interesting concepts...


Hmmm, yep, think that’s it. As I say, it might be a while before you hear from me again (unless you follow me on Twitter, in which case you will hear far too much of me), but when I come back, I will have a whole new briefcase of goodies to put up your nose and tempt your children with.

Until then, peace out and piss off.
Jared



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