Juice Nothing Blog: The Insides Of Jared Woods On The Outside: Big Fat Commercial Writing Dump (part i)

The times they are a-changin'. It was October 2017 when I jumped off of that web design job security building and plunged into the vast freelance ocean of self-employed writing, without even so much of a CV lifeboat to my name. Response to this daring stunt has been diverse. Many kind folk have praised the action as "brave", blatantly unaware that the said building I jumped from was on fire and my leap was one of desperate survival. Others labeled me as a careless fool, an idealist who was certain to drown or be eaten alive by sharks with utility bills in their mouths. And yet, what nobody seemed to be paying attention to was the questionable pachyderm in my bedroom, mumbling to itself, worried about the future of this very place right here. Juice Nothing. The blog you're currently reading, hello. These concerns were not unwarranted either. Now that people paid me for my words, and now that I had to fiercely dedicate every waking second of my time to elbow my way up in this already overcrowded industry, what crumbs of my dwindling resource could I possibly afford to feed to a personal project?

Thankfully, over the past few months of sitting in a stew, peeling carrots for minimum wage and storing up my potatoes to give to the tax man, my sweat in the soup bowl added a much-needed flavour of salt, and Jared has started to taste pretty pretty good right about now. I've hammered together a semi-stable structure over here. It's hardly wobbling at all, look! And I'm standing upon it, hands on my hips, staring at the sun without protective gear, a smug smile on my face, and a big Fuck You to everyone who doubted me. Fuck you!!!

Still, nothing changes the fact that my word-energy is finally being utilised like God intended it to be, as I trade my gifts for legit dolla until I go to bed each night, exhausted and without an original thought to spare. Meaning: despite my pockets' ever-increasing crisp scent, and despite the work/play seesaw of my time slowly seeing eye-to-eye, the threat towards Juice Nothing was still very real. If I was now confident enough to sell the depths of my mind to the corporate world, then why the hell would I give them to you for free?

I love happy endings, and so here one is: I figured everything out, don't you worry. Basically, shit is going to work much like before, as I routinely designate a portion of my daily hours giving birth to a sellable product, specifically tailored with a publication in mind, presenting it to their kingdom on one knee. If rejected, I will gracefully bow myself out, and then it will be discarded face-first into the Juice Nothing streets, forced to fend for itself, lost in this ghetto where neglected children come to die. Using this approach, there should be more than enough content to keep this blog churning at the same speed as it did before, and possibly even manufacturing items of a higher quality because each idea's original purpose was all about potential money money money.

But wait! There's more! Beyond any scraps who find themselves buried beneath this url, I will also continue to dig my teeth into album reviews until I get lockjaw, as there are some things money cannot take away from us and I refuse to let go of this specific passion. These posts will usually manifest in the form of Worst to Best articles, and there are plenty of good reasons for this, namely: I adore writing these bits; I want to show off my superior music taste to the world; these pieces attract a surprising amount of page views; I want to build lists which encourage people to buy me more vinyl; and no one would actually pay me for work like this because it's too personal and indulgent. Which basically means, I might as well rename this blog to "JUICE WORST TO BEST SOMETHING" because it's about to essentially become just that. Prepare your anus.

On a side note: has anyone been checking out my Instagram accout recently? I'm doing this sweet thing where I draw a new hilarious cartoon picture every work day, oh my lols. And also, don't forget to keep refreshing my colourful vectors page, and maybe even support me by buying one or two? I guess when looking at these guys, how strapped for time could I possibly be?

Cool, so that's the update, hope you enjoyed it, and while you're down here, I also just wanted to quickly be the millionth person to remind you to follow your dreams. People always said that to me, "follow your dreams, Jared", it sounded so basic and stupid, but now that I've actually done it, I understand what they were getting at. The struggle was really struggly, but even when my entire life was uprooted and uncertain, I was having a wonderful time, and look at me now! I have reached a level of professional bliss so elevated from my former self that I hardly even think about pussy anymore. To end off, here is a looooong list of every single external bit of writing I've put together so far, all of which have fed me in varying degrees, thanks!

Pages

Wednesday, 14 March 2018

Big Fat Commercial Writing Dump (part i)

Pencilmation Scrips

A Den of Geek Article

The Clever Articles

The Richest Articles

Flick Fans Articles

Millions of Miscellaneous Ghostwritten Health Articles

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