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Tuesday, 25 October 2011

The Poster Couple For Cross-Species Relationships


I HAVE COMPLETELY SOLD OUT



So sorry to do this, but the short story you are looking for has been removed! How shit is that?

Do not fear! If you want to read it, you still can! Simply download my book This Is Your Brain On Drugs (featuring many other very delicious bits I wrote) from good old Amazon Kindle!

GO ON, IT'S SUPER CHEAP, YOU'LL LOVE IT.




Tuesday, 30 August 2011

Not Dead But Definitely Dying


Hi, I’m Jared Woods, and this is the news: I am dying. My right ear is completely blocked and I am in so much pain I didn't even go to work today. So forgive me if halfway through this I attempt to stab you.

JUICE NOTHING
I just launched a blog called “How To Fuck Boys And Not Be Gay” Man, I wrestled with this one in my mind. Ever since Google+ I now have a much larger audience of people following my updates, the most worrying being people from work. One can very easily build a reputation writing about such things, and I have a lot of friends who probably won’t be my friend long after they read this. But in the end I thought, fukkit, I find it funny, and I know everyone wants to fuck me anyway. Time will only tell if it was a good idea or a bad idea, but I definitely got that “oh no, what am I doing?” feeling. Hopefully you get that feeling too.
I still have other blogs half written, slowly working on them, so hopefully I will actually finish them by the end of the year. Pretty sure the next one will be a short story.

COMING DOWN HAPPY
While on the topic of good/bad ideas and that uncomfortable feeling, the same is happening for Juice 6: Coming Down Happy. As I have kind of hinted in the last months, this is far from just a music project, and there is one specific element which freaks me out as the time is getting closer. I don’t want to give too much away, but there is definitely going to be some major trouble in my life because of this Juice. Can’t wait.
So, as it stands, I am 29% of the final stretch. It should move on much faster from here because (1) The studio time is being negotiated and I might even have most of it done by the next update; and (2) I have taken a week off work next week to devote to this project. The website is coming along too, all Drupal 7 and fancy and looking rad.
The release date I have now set is the 10th of November. I really hope this to be true. I have lost interest in everything but this project.

ALBUM CHARTS
As I think I have mentioned before, I loathe this. But slowly I am working smarter rather than harder, and am only aiming to get 31 albums or so per month. I feel the best ones will reveal themselves. I have also been slaving over March, and if you take a look, you will see it’s nearly 100%.

THE FUNPOWDER PLOT
Nothing! Sad, I know, pathetic even, but getting 6 busy people into the same room is pretty hard. I think the main issue is that The East Village are breaking up. We are all moving house because of many reasons, which I think could be a good thing rather than a bad thing. Time will tell, but I am amped to shake my life up a bit, it has become monotonous, I have become depressed, and I am the master of the universe.

That’s enough out of me. SHUT UP JARED. SHUT UP. Ok, ok, goodbye then.