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Wednesday, 31 July 2013

The Great Doritos/Reddit Incident of July 2013


Doritos vs. The Funpowder Plot vs. Reddit vs. Reddit
I don't know how much of my 15 minutes is left at this point, but I'm definitely going to run out soon.

It appears to me that it's always one single event which triggers this kind of shit off. That Lily stuff aside, Juice Nothing got most of its attention from How To Fuck Boys And Not Be Gay (which recently hit 50,000 views, I might add), and The Goat's Nest's main claim would surprisingly be that Top 50 Albums Of 2011, Reinterpreted As Short Stories garbage (which in total, has racked up more than 10,800 views). I'm still patiently praying for Coming Down Happy's turn, but it was our collective Funpowder Plot specifically which faced the spotlight shining upon them over the last few days, and on a level which could be considered somewhat brighter than any of those that came before.

It went a little something like this:

On Friday, Ash sent a group FPP email with the simple subject line "Remind you of anything?". Within its body was one link, which directed us to this Doritos video. We were all flabbergasted (I actually spelt that word right first try without using spell-check, score). As you may or may not recognise, this ad looked almost too suspiciously like our own Doritos video which had existed a year previous; one we'd submitted into a competition for the brand, guest directed by the talented Andy McCormick. I mean, view these things side by side to get the full picture, and then maybe you'll understand our reaction.

Now (and perhaps a little prematurely, I'll admit) I assumed this to be an official Doritos advert. I based this on the title itself ("Doritos Super Bowl XLVII commercial - 2013 Winner", fairly convincing), and the fact that the actress (Jessica Serfaty) had some other online presence to her name. Which is why I promptly turned to Reddit, looking for some support, looking for some opinion, looking for some stir. And we got all of those. More than anyone could have ever anticipated.

Posting the previous side by side link here into /r/FilmMakers, I watched in joy as the upvotes regularly presented themselves, to the point that within the hour, we were the top post of that subreddit. Chuffed with the success, I went out and drank too many beers and Jägerbombs with my mates, eventually returning home around midnight, drunk and yet not too drunk to avoid the fright as I turned on my PC. Because things had escalated a bit too rapidly for any comfort.

1,562 upvotes later, and we had hit the fucking front page of Reddit. Below this was 859 comments, scattered over a range of responses. Some people were repulsed by what they too considered blatant plagiarism. Some people laughed and called us idiots for even entering the competition in the first place, whoring our skills to the corporate world, and deserving of what came to us. Some pointed out that the terms & conditions explicitly stated that we had lost any rights to "intellectual property" as soon as we submitted our piece. Some argued this wasn't the point, and that it was a disgraceful practice of Doritos regardless, relating the incident to their own nightmare experiences in a similar vein. Some rightfully pointed out that there was no concrete evidence this was even an official Doritos ad anyway, and could have very well been yet another later competition entry. And finally, others dismissed the case, based on the fact that the idea wasn't exactly the most "original" concept, and a coincidence was more than plausible. And, hey, all of those were fairly valid arguments.

But at this stage, none of this mattered much to us, because the initial bad feelings and point of the post had been drowned, replaced swiftly by astonishment and hysterics. All of a sudden, here was this thrust of attention on a video we had so long forgotten about, the whole Funpowder Plot vs. Doritos thing now solely a Reddit vs. Reddit thing. It was incredible to watch, and I watched it a lot over the course of the weekend.

And it didn't even end there, although it kind of did for our post. Due to the mass amount of traffic we had pumped straight to that YouTubeDoubler url, it tragically crashed. And when the link stopped working, Reddit was as merciless as ever, the downvotes pouring in until we spiraled back to 0 and fell very quickly into obscurity. However, some Karma whore cross-posted a new link to the much more popular /r/video subreddit, and it fucking happened all over again. 4,796 upvotes, and bam, back on the front page, spawning a further 471 comments. Christ.

And, wait, it didn't even end there. One articulate Redditor in particular who really ripped us a new one impressed so many people, that it even got its own post to /r/bestof, earning 8,021 upvotes all by itself, most likely hitting the front page too, even if I didn't see that happen. This one gained 545 comments, and in all honesty, those were probably the ones that backed us up the most, despite the nature of the original post. I guess that's because Redditors in general like to argue with OP by default.

All the while, we kept quiet. I mean, there were just too many comments! I couldn't keep up! Plus it was weekend for fucks sakes! I had things to do! However, at the very end (and probably a bit too late) I did give my 2 cents in 4 points, and I'd like to elaborate on those now:

(1) I had to lol at every single person who called me a "cry baby" or a "whiner". I merely posted a link to an observation, I never even once stated anyone stole anything because I'm fucking clever like that. In fact, the only cries I read were from commentators, ironically crying about me "crying", unaware at how much we were laughing. Seriously, this was a fantastic and valuable thing for us, regardless of who said what.

(2) However, I wasn't laughing when people accused us of "only having one idea", claiming we deserved to have it stolen if we couldn't do any better. Fuck you. As we currently we have over 20 vastly different videos on our channel, I find it offensive that someone would jump to that conclusion when we work so hard at what we do. This video was ancient for us, it's incredible that of all our pieces this was the one that caused the most fuss (especially when we have girls drinking puke and boys getting kidnapped by aliens). In all honesty, this Doritos thing isn't any of our favourite work, we were trying to win money.

(3) Ultimately, I think there was a ton of good which came from this, as it gave other artists a platform to vent about similar frustrations within the industry. Whether we legitimately got ripped off or not is up for debate, but it's very apparent to me that this does happen to many people, and I am glad we spurred on conversations to this effect. Much love to those peeps.

(4) Finally (and more than anything), I am soooo grateful for everyone who supported us and/or hated us. Because of you and the three Reddit postings, in total we accumulated 14,379 upvotes, 11,793 downvotes, 1,875 comments, and roughly 55,000 new views on our Youtube video. As it stands, this is now our most viewed piece of work, a whopping 43,342 hits more than the second in line, and that is insane. Furthermore, it has been my dream for a long time to hit the front page of Reddit, and despite being an unlikely candidate (which is always the way), we couldn't have done it without all of you guys. So from the bottom of my heart and the rest of us at Funpowder land... thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!


THE RANT ENDS HERE, AND USUAL NEWS BEGINS.
You can stop reading now.


JUICE NOTHING
Top 20 Most Unusual Rockstar Deaths
Hot off the press, this article was released at the exact same time as this rant/news item. And as the article's very conclusion informs, it was a long time coming. Standing as the sibling piece to one of my most well-received writings (2010's The Top 20 Naughtiest Musicians, Ever) the concept predates Juice Nothing itself, the first draft existing back in 2007. I'm glad I waited until now to give it the nurture it deserved, and I feel it stands as a solid bit of babbling, in a year which has already turned into one of solid bits of babbling. I hope you enjoy it, because if you don't, then I'm completely useless.

Work on the next blog has not started because (truth be told) I have no idea what it will be. I'll shit out something, but for now I wouldn't mind a little sleep.

Quickly in other related news, there has been a slight lull(z) on the site redesign recently, purely due to time issues. But I plan to make up for lost gaps asap because it's looking rad, I'm having a ball making it, and I still feel confident for an end-of-year launch. No promises though.


THE GOAT'S NEST
The Johnson Line
It's unlikely, but some of you may have actually read my previous news post where I warned there wouldn't be any writings released in June, but somehow this short story came together much faster than anticipated, and I kicked its ass out the door just in time. The history behind it will probably be quite boring for most, but fukkit, for the sake of my own records, I'm going to lay it all out right neow:

As a story about a train which travels through Hell, the origin of this idea should be fairly predictable. I was stuck on the tube, armpit to armpit with smelly strangers, and like so many who have come before, thought to myself "this must be what Hell is like". From there I developed the idea of different stations leading to different areas of nightmares, but the main difference between my original plan and how it all turned out was the central point itself. At first, I wanted this to be the sequel of one of my other short stories, where a character who'd died previously found themselves in this terrible world and had to make a choice. It could've worked too.

So (as it is tradition), I began writing the tale on the long plane journey to South Africa on Xmas 2012. However, upon landing in Turkey for my connecting flight, inspiration hit from a different direction and I decided to change focus from a weak human-type to the demon conductor himself. I felt this was a much better angle, and ended up writing about half of the thing on this air trip, naming the character after my internet archenemy Faure, who I'd previously promised to honour in my fiction almost a year before.

However, the story kinda sucked and I had to painfully force myself to continue, doing so in such a half-assed manner that it's actually quite humourous to remember. Many chapters were written blind-drunk on tube rides home with complete disregard to legibility. I even somehow lost full pages during these sessions, which all made for an interesting rewrite when the time came, forcing a lot of room for guess work. But eventually I finished the crappy first draft on the 7th February 2013, and then threw it into my drawer without any interest in looking at it ever again. However, during the month of June I grew brave, and tackled the thing head-on, eventually completing and releasing it to quite a fantastic reception, which is always a relief.

WARNING: THERE ARE SPOILERS FROM THIS POINT UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE! ONLY GO FORWARD IF YOU HAVE READ THE STORY OR DON'T GIVE A FUCK.
And just quickly, I want to give two little facts which nobody seemed to pick up on:
(1) The Johnson Line itself was named after Robert Johnson, the blues musician who famously sold his soul to the devil in order to play guitar better than anyone, and becoming pretty much the original member of The 27 Club. I figured that was fitting.
(2) The game concepts for each station were based upon one of the seven deadly sins. The Bucket Chamber = Lust; The DigestiTrack = Gluttony; Bank = Greed; The Chillzone = Sloth; The Mousetrap = Wrath; The Chess Tournament = Jealousy; and Before The Fall = Pride. Each one of the corresponding sins were sneakily mentioned within its own chapter, which I personally felt was pretty clever on my part. Because I like myself a bit too much, maybe.
SPOILERS END HERE

Very briefly, I would like to say that the future of The Goat's Nest is still looking bright. I had another really exciting idea the other day, which will be the "sequel-ish" to The Johnson Line. I am flying back to South Africa for a holiday in February 2014, and so I think that would be the ideal travel time to hit that bitch in the mouth. I also have my second novel idea stewing something fierce. But above all else, my debut novella This is Your Brain on Drugs is nearly about to enter the next phase, where in before the end of the week or so, I will be sending it along to five interested applicants to give their feedback on. After that, I'm still not 100% sure what to do, but I have had quite a killer idea on how to deliver this bastard, and am aiming for an end of year launch at very very latest. Now that's a promise.


COMING DOWN HAPPY
Stupid Superhero Should Have Let Me Die
Next up, the second song off The Black EP was finally launched earlier this month (click that link for more details on its conception, I hate repeating myself), and to say it was a stressful process would be an understatement. You see, I was greatly inspired by Kanye West's latest album Yeezus, especially when I learned he'd only finished the thing less than a week before it was released. And so I attempted to do something similar, my last-minute schedule looking like this:

04/07/13 - Finished the drawings.
05/07/13 - Finished the song, sent it to mastering.
08/07/13 - Realised I needed one more drawing, drew it, and then announced the release date to the public.
09/07/13 - Scanned the last drawing and finished the video
10/07/13 - Launched it.

Despite the pressure, I think it turned out really well and a few important people have told me that it was their favourite track so far, which meant the world to me. But I'd never do that to myself again.

That said, the third track is already well underway, and if I had to give it a word, it'd be: evil. Keep an eye open for that one, just in case it notices you first.


THE FUNPOWDER PLOT
World of the Day
And finally (as if we hadn't spoken to death about this creative already), there is some unrelated Funpowder news to share. The thing is, due to the hours of time that went into this epic video; the great lengths each member has already gone to promote it; and all the insanity I started this rant with... I don't really have the stamina to fully describe what it all means to us. So instead, I will give you 10 reasons why you should watch it:

(01) It's like a music video without the music, which is unusual.
(02) Loose is the star in my eyes, which makes it the first video of that kind.
(03) It's all based around one of The Freewheelin' Troubadour's poems.
(04) It stars every single one of the Funpowder Plot members in one way or another, which has only ever happened once before.
(05) More time was spent on this video than any other.
(06) We used techniques which we have never attempted before, and will probably never attempt again.
(07) The amount of hidden symbolism would take many many watches to fully grasp.
(08) I wear a dress.
(09) We all agree that this is probably the best thing we've ever done, and we are super proud of it, so who really cares what anyone else thinks.
(10) I actually just sat here and listed 10 fucking reasons to fucking watch it, so fucking watch it.

Discussions for the next video are already underway, just so long as my head doesn't sink into my lungs before then.


Five HUGE golden stars if you read this entire piece.
It's all over now.
Don't call me, I'll call you.
Soon.
Lots Of Love,
sjdbvg;wGvh
dhfhfhg
fsh
.


Thursday, 27 June 2013

The Johnson Line


I HAVE COMPLETELY SOLD OUT



So sorry to do this, but the short story you are looking for has been removed! How shit is that?

Do not fear! If you want to read it, you still can! Simply download my book This Is Your Brain On Drugs (featuring many other very delicious bits I wrote) from good old Amazon Kindle!

GO ON, IT'S SUPER CHEAP, YOU'LL LOVE IT.




Wednesday, 29 May 2013

I Broked Your Clock


I broke your clock
Well, it’s been a mighty fine amount of time since I’ve updated you people on my going ons, and as a result, there is a substantial amount of stuff to say on just about every project I am currently involved with. For this reason, I won’t be wasting my time or yours by ranting about women’s rights or the drug problems in the UK, but rather just gonna get on with it. Here is the latest:


JUICE NOTHING WRITINGS
After the failures that were The Best/Worst of Juice Nothing and Streamline Your Life Like Jared Woods (although people have had some very positive shit to say about the latter, but I'm not convinced), I realised I had to stop jerking off into my own eyes and up my game a little bit. Since then, I have been working real hard to spit out a relatively improved standard of work (3 full articles; 2 rants) and nearly managed to do it too. Elaborated:

The Death Of Formspring (rant)
Not so long ago, it was announced that my usual Question and Answers platform Formspring was shutting down. It was a shock to all of us, I know, and I spoke about what this means to me in the quick piece you can read above. As it turns out, it was a slight waste of time, because apparently some last minute deal saved the website from imploding on itself, and everything was cool again. I contemplated how this made me feel, and concluded that I didn't really appreciate the way the announcement fucked with my zen, so I decided to continue with my original plan after all: I will no longer be using the Formspring service to serve you lovely people. Instead, I'll be opening my own Q&A effort, (hopefully) before the end of the year, which will be better and much more secure. Everyone will love it, just yoooou waaaaaittt.

20 White Artists Who Have Said "Nigger" In A Song
And here it is: without a doubt, the best bit of 2013 writing I have achieved thus far. This controversial compilation was born out of my own frustration, lost and unable to find any such an article on the internet, realising I was simply going to have to do it myself. So I researched the hell out of it, swallowed as much information as I could stomach, and then vomited this out over here. Needless to say, response has been fantastic, duh, and the hits rolled right in. Due to its success, I am planning a much weirder sequel of sorts, but let’s not get ahead of each other, or we might fall. Seriously though, if you click nothing else within this news item, click there.

Storm Thorgerson (28 February 1944 – 18 April 2013) (rant)
As people do, Storm Thorgerson died. He was my favourite album artwork creator of all time, and I couldn’t just let him leave us without sending my own little goodbye-love to a man who still believed in the importance of good visuals to go with good audio. So I wrote this thing which included 20 of my favourite pieces he’s been involved with, and if you are one of those who appreciate music and art, it could very well be the quick read you're looking for. It didn’t help me much though, I’m still pretty bleak about it.

25 Albums That Changed My Life: The Tale of the Devil and Me
As a topic I’ve wanted to tackle for a while, it’s kind of a pity that I got the bright fucking idea to present the piece like some exaggerated autobiography short story type of deal. I dunno, it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever done, but it did seem to fall ever so slightly short of the mark (about 75% worthy of your time and about 25% wankity wank). I tried! I really did! I guess they can’t all be winners though, and I am over it, marching forward with my head held high.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever
I just gone and done this! And I fucking love it! What I find interesting about this article is that I had written the entire thing in 2008, start to finish. But something didn't quite feel right about it, and so (thank God), I left it to stew until it was more delicious and ready to be digested with the full potential it deserved. And that time is now. I worked really hard to try and keep it much briefer than my usual blabbering, so if you have an hour or so to waste, I'd be honoured if you wasted it here. Thanks!

It is now the time I shall tell you something else. I (think I) will be using what I like to refer to as my "Get Out Of Jail Free Card" during the month of June 2013. Which is to say, I won’t be updating this bloggy blog during that designated time period of the year. The reasons are many, and I shall touch on a few of them throughout this piece, but I promise it has nothing to do with lack of ideas. As it stands, I have the brewing of 11 separate pieces in the depths of my brain box, so don’t you worry your pretty little face, or you might get wrinkles.


JUICE NOTHING v3.0
Design for the new main website got really far and then I grew bored, flipped the fukkit-switch, and began the daunting journey of actually building the fucking thing. On the one hand, I am super impressed with myself as to fast it has come together. On the other hand, there are sooo many things I want to do for it (in fact, it shall contain more Easter Eggs than actual content) that I couldn’t possibly predict any accurate time of arrival. Before the end of 2013? That would be nice. But regardless, it will be worth the wait, I promise. I am toast vibing it, and yes, a lot of the free time over the next month shall be devoted to this project.


THE GOAT’S NEST SHORT STORIES
But one of the main reasons I will be taking a breather over June (if not, the main reason), is because I have written a little short story, 100% complete in rough handwriting, and it is just sitting in my drawer, turning yellow and eating itself inward. At night time, I can hear it nagging at me, and I am struggling to sleep because of it. Which is why I have decided to begin the process of combing through the pages and transforming the pile of badly scribbled words into something at least remotely readable. The thing is, it might take a while, and so I am granting myself a while to take. Other than that, all you need to know is that I'm calling it Hell (even though it’s not actually gonna be called that) and it’s all about Hell (believe or not).

Besides this, I have been doing little bitsies on the sequel to The Triangular Theory of Love, but it’s becoming one of those “Blood From My Teeth” type deals, and I don’t enjoy that sort of thing. It may never get released, it may get released at the end of the year, I don’t know, you don’t know, but I’ll keep talking about it anyway blah blah blah look at me look at me.

Related:


THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
I drown in pride as I announce my debut novella is 100% written in neat. It goes even further than that, as I'm not the only one who has experienced the tale. Like bedtime stories, I have been reading a few chapters a night to my girlfriend, and if this process has taught me anything, it’s that the project probably isn’t as good as I thought it was. Whatever, when last did you write a book? Exactly.
Over the next month, I will be slowly sending it across to a few other special people in order get their 2 cents (keep an ear out for this, and it may be you), altering it based on their opinions, and then...? Profit? I’m not sure yet, but it should definitely turn into a highlight of the year as far as Juice Something goes.

I also want to quickly mention that I am an overworking freight train of ambition and masochism, and the planning process of my second novella has also begun. I've been watching a fuckload of Studio Ghibli material whilst snorting ketamine, and am on this persistent hyper level of inspiration because of it. I don't want to give too much away, except that I am aiming to go well deep into The Goat's Nest this time, finally opening the lid on fictional incidents that I've been developing since I was a child. About time, I guess.


COMING DOWN HAPPY
So it finally happened: The Black EP reared its ugly distorted face and gave us all an evil wink. The first of four songs named A Million Little Fingers Inside Of You was launched, cartoon video and everything, and I for one was pretty stoked about the execution. The drawings were of a much higher standard, and the song itself was as good (if not better) and those that came before. People agreed, but that’s not what was important. What was important is that I am feeling so rad about this project again, revisiting these characters felt like going back home, and I am amped to develop this story further, as fast as possible.

Which is happening. The second track of the EP (which has been a bit of a toughie, I'll admit) is moving ahead slowly, with about 99% of the lyrics finalised, 48% of the drawings drawn, and 70% of the music sounding pretty damn good (for me). And while it could still go either way, if I manage to get it sounding like it does in my head, it could very well be the best song I've ever done. Expect that soon enough, as it is yet another reason why I'm taking the writing break.


THE FUNPOWDER PLOT
More than likely, the very next thing to come out from me (and my friends) will be one of them FPP joints. Ash has been sweating and bleeding and semening away on what we all agree is our best video to date. It’s a special one, because we are (almost) all involved, and it is waaaay different from anything we've done before. It’s taking forever fucking ages, I'm aware, but everytime I see the most recent edit, I am confused as to why we don’t just release it as is. It’s called World Of The Day, revolves around The Freewheelin' Troubadour and Jonathan Loose Agent 23 van der Velden, and could be out in a matter of weeks. Doesn't that make your tummy runny?

After that, not too sure, but me and Ammr have been discussing some very interesting concepts...


Hmmm, yep, think that’s it. As I say, it might be a while before you hear from me again (unless you follow me on Twitter, in which case you will hear far too much of me), but when I come back, I will have a whole new briefcase of goodies to put up your nose and tempt your children with.

Until then, peace out and piss off.
Jared