There's Just 5 Hours Left Until You Find Me Dead

It was my 26th birthday the previous Saturday. Best birthday week ever! Besides some sexual favours from friends, I got an awesome tattoo from a guy named Scab. He was Art-Pulpitations Artist Of The Month August 2009, definitely the best artist I know personally. It’s my first tatt and I am fucking happy with it, which is a relief. It’s not done, still needs shading, but you can see it to the left there. It’s rad, this dude is going to be huge man, I swear.

Besides this, we had a massive party to celebrate my quarter century passing and I hit new levels of fuckness. Seriously, I remember none of it, but have since heard I was drooling on myself and shouting obscene things to my friends. Apparently it was all filmed. I am finally almost back to normal.

But the best part of it all (and most relevant to you) was The Funpowder Plot. I took the week off of work, put my teeth to the grind and made the website. And finally on Friday it was launched, Juice Five, the first Juice in months. The write-up on The Juices section says it best, like this:


The most important thing you need to know about The Funpowder Plot is that this is not my project. I was reluctant to even called it a Juice at all, but I did anyway. No, this is a collaboration between myself and the most talented people I know, namely: Ammr Khalifa, Ashley Cooper, The Freewheelin’ Troubadour, Jonathan Loose van der Velden and Kris Cook. I am merely a cog in a machine that will eat your children and fuck your wife better than you ever could.

We make films. Films that we would want to watch, who cares what you lot think. These include music videos, mini-documentaries and shorts - to name a few. Rest assured, we have well over 10 ideas ready to explode at any given point, some of which we are busy giving birth to right now. Between us we can do anything, nurturing a passing brain idea until it bursts into one solid art form.

The idea of The Plot has been bouncing around since New Years 2010, and it took off much faster than anything I have ever been a part of before. We all live together, which helps speed up productivity and gives the house a very special vibe. At any given moment at any time of day we might pick away at a project for a few seconds and then go back to casual conversation, generally boring everyone around us. Our habitat is one big meeting point which never crosses the line of becoming too serious, and never sinking below the line of becoming a joke.

The name itself was a heavy process, weeks of drunken debating and painstaking voting after voting and email after email. We were close to calling it The Teenage Pregnancy Project, and even closer to calling it The Gravy Stroke, until we settled on the title of a song by Wild Beasts. Tony Blair had nothing to do with it. Our reasoning for choosing this moniker varies and it would take far too long to explain this to anyone as the symbolism and perfection of it continues to reveal itself daily.

The combination of our powers doesn’t need to convince you of shit, just look at how much we have done. And behind every great team, is an even greater team, and this is why The Funpowder Plot extends much deeper to any of our friends willing to get involved. Because of this beautiful concentration of friendship, it is unstoppable and will be a part of our lives that we can marvel over forever regardless of the outcome.

Our goal? Our goal is to have fun working with friends and producing professional works which impresses people and each other, humouring me greatly in the process. We really are still just kids with bigger dicks and a bunch of skills, no matter what our birth certificates say. But our dream? Well, our dream is the same as every one's dream: take over the world. Only difference is that we will.

This project is something I’ve always prayed for. It’s enough to make me believe in God. Keep your eye on our balls, you will see things you can never unsee.


Now obviously that sucked all my time away, but I am back on track. I haven’t answered a formspring question for way too long, no work on Coming Down Happy or The Autobiography. And my Twitter updates have been sub-par at best. The reason is that my real life became more interesting and emotionally testing for a while over there, but I feel like my priorities are straight and my quest for attention is back to it’s old self. Expect a new blog for Halloween you cunts!

Goodbye.


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