Always bite off more than you can chew, and then just spit out the parts you don’t like.
Hey kids! Today I want to talk to you about “priorities”. You see, in order to have the most constructive lifestyle possible, we must all learn the art of time management, and the very root of this art revolves around the skill of prioritising. That is (simply put), doing what is most important first, and then brutally cutting the fat off the process in order to streamline our focus and produce a sharp object to stab self-inflicted deadlines in the eye with.
I am forever juggling more projects than I can, and sometimes these goals tend to fall on top of me, suffocating my enthusiasm, murdering my potential. This kind of analogy works even better when considering I was in South Africa for just under three weeks in February, watching my little sister getting married and chilling with my family and having sex with people I’ve never had sex with before and whatnot. Don’t get me wrong, it was magical and made my life in London appear quite tedious, but more related to this, it carved out a huge hole in my usually reliable routine.
Once resurfacing my head above water and breathing once more, I had to prioritise. The redesign of Juice Nothing, for example, was the first to go. As much as I'm excited about the project, I could not justify allocating precious time to fixing something which was not quite broken. More on topic, the next easy casualty was these very news items. The reasons are obvious: nobody reads them, they take too long to write, and they are essentially stupid blabberings which serve very little purpose other than to keep a record of my own progress, a reference point so I can look back and pat myself on the head and rationalise another beer for lunch.
Luckily (and as the rest of this piece will detail), I managed to get back onto my feet relatively quickly and have finally caught up, now 100% on target for my quota, even if no one would notice besides me. Which is why after quite some time, here I am to tell you what has been going on in Juice World, and have much more news than usual. What a wonderful thing! Read it or die:
JUICE NOTHING
Since the last news update, I have released five full articles, all of which I feel were above average and worthy of your love. As follows:
Dear 2013
Jesus, this one feels like a million years old already, has it really been that long? Anyway, this was the fifth of my on-going end of year summary articles. As painful as ever to write, I do feel they serve a purpose: a fantastic way for anyone to look back on the year previous whilst slipping unimportant details about my own life in amongst the facts in order to con people into caring about me. I hate the imagery, but in general it was another substantial effort, proving I am getting quite good at executing the idea by now.
The 15 Greatest 'Fuck You's In Music
The rough idea for this one had been knocking at my door for about a year or so, hence why it was quite nice to finally let it in. The only unusual take on this piece was that I hardly researched for it at all, rather relying on musical conflicts which already resided in my memory. So I guess it's special in that way, whilst completely forgetting many much superior entries, I'm sure. People enjoyed it regardless.
How To Heal Heartbreak In 20 Steps
And then this one came out swinging like the lost hurt demon it was, crushing the popularity of any article released the whole of last year, snapping at 5,000 hits and still fighting. I feel confident that this will be the undefeated “article of the year” for 2014, with many many people already showering me with thanks, and it's not hard to see why. It's because it's a topic you have to be in a very unique place to write. It's because I put (what was left of my) heart and soul into its execution. It’s because I was there. I felt those thing. And I fixed it.
The 10 Coolest Things The Beatles Ever Did
Whilst in South Africa, a very quick conversation with some friends took place one evening. It was about The Beatles, obviously, and I came to remember what a very special group they were, and not even in the obvious ways. In the ways which most people aren't aware of, little achievements that put them on the map in angles so unique that it only further cemented their position in history. A month or so later, this piece was born, which was a refreshing process rather than the years upon years I usually spend picking away at most my other writings. And with such a popular topic, it's no wonder that it too has racked up thousands of reads, and the pictures were pretty good too.
The 20 Greatest Songs Of All Time
I just launched this one right now, and am quite stoked with it. I eagerly look forward to people telling me how much they hate it in the near future, because opinions are like assholes, and the internet is full of both those things.
As is the nature of my unfair self expectations, I already know every piece which will be written this year except for one. I am not going to give much away, but I will say the next three probably won't be music related, and there may also be a hint somewhere in here:
THE GOAT’S NEST
As predicted in the last news item, I managed to write a short story on the plane ride to South Africa. There was only one problem: it was uber lame. And so I threw those rough notes aside, and rewrote it without even looking at the original draft, which was better, but still not perfect. It needs some serious love and attention, and I am hoping to do that right now, my goal to shit it out within the next month or so. As I may have mentioned, it’s kind of a prequel to The Johnson Line, without actually being that whatsoever.
THIS IS YOUR BRAIN ON DRUGS
Related to the previous entry, is my debut novel. If you look at it one way, I am truly on the last stretch, putting the final touches on the final version, most of the book already neatly formatted and looking all professional like. However, if you look at it another way, there are still a stupid amount of other bits that need to be sorted out, so God knows when it will be released. I’m thinking July? August? September?? But I promise, this is moving forward with bloodthirsty vigour, and I adore every fucking second of it.
ANOTHER THING
I don't know why I love doing this, but I do. Here is confirmation that there is another little thing in the works which is very exciting and newsworthy, and yet I am going to tell you absolutely nothing about it. However, I will give it the code name Fox Tail for now as a reference point, but I honestly don't think it should take crazy long for more info to leak from me. It's a fictional thing. It's a collaborative thing. It's a rad thing.
COMING DOWN HAPPY
In January, the final piece of the The Black EP puzzle was released, namely Oh My God, Amen. It’s my favourite CDH song so far, and a few other people agreed, probably because it was less about perversion and child abuse, more about nintendo and surreal happiness. I am learning about target markets.
Anyways, with this release we came to the end of the second phase of three, and the gap between this and the next will be muuuuuch longer. I need it! I'm dying! Instead, I will be focusing on a brand new set of songs with a whole new approach, and this is already well underway. I’m not going to give too much away, except that they will feature real instruments! Look at what I gone and done:
Expect evidence soon. Like, real soon. Sooner than you think. But while you wait, why not listen to all my songs in a row with this Spotify exclusive compilation, The Grey Lp.
THE FUNPOWDER PLOT
Somehow, The Plot managed to spit out two videos this year already, equalling 2013’s efforts, which is a relief. They also had nothing to with me, which is also a relief. A little something like this:
Putin Wins Olympic Gold
This was Kris’ 22 second baby, attacking Putin’s expenditures on the Olympics whilst ignoring the country’s terrible drug problem. At least he could fund the addict’s habits a bit, right? I’m sure that’s what Kris meant. Simple yet effective, I am a fan.
Shura - Touch
Ammr directed this music video for Shura, and by God, it’s incredible. Incredible. One of the best music videos I’ve seen in years, in fact, and I beam with pride that my boy had so much to with it. Proof is in the pudding, as it’s already racked up to 182,500 views (and counting), more than any other FPP creation to date, getting write ups all over the internets. I think it’s the best thing ”we’ve” ever done, so it deserves every second of the attention.
Shew, I think that’s everything? I truly rushed this motherfucker, because, you know, priorities. Did I mention I am a model now?
It's quite late in the year to be saying stuff like this, but my motto for 2014 is as follows: “No more deadlines, much more lifelines”. Uhm, it needs work, but in summary, it means I will no longer be placing unnecessary pressure on my own creative missions, opting to instead spend more time with people I like and dealing out my time to them. Because I’ve been working my tits off the last few years to very little reward, and I reckon there is more to life than this.
That said, these plans tend to make themselves, and I am bound to have another panic attack any day now. Hope you enjoy it!
Jared
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