But let it be know that there is a huge difficulty in tackling such a monstrous topic, and the obvious issues still apply to my second attempt. Opinions change as we get older. I know the moment I click the Publish button, an army of decent choices will invade my brain, and I will suffer in sympathy for those whom I somehow forgot on the battlefield. It’s a tough life being a blogger, you know. But rather than torture myself and spend a million years trying to perfect this list (which is how long I would need, give or take a few years), I simply resigned to my lazy attitude and chose the first ones that came to mind and persisted, which (let’s face it) will probably be the most worthy choices anyway.
But before we get it on, I need to vent about something else quix. You see, a few times during my writing “career”, I have been accused of playing it safe by picking classics rather than exclusively focusing on my own developed tastes (The Top 50 Greatest Albums Ever, anyone?). Well, I can’t really help it if popular opinion seems to follow my every word, can I? Regardless, this round I decided to purposefully avoid anything which could be considered "predictable", hence why all of the below choices are songs I consider somewhat overlooked or forgotten by the general public, and which also probably means you won’t like any of them. It's a risk, and so in advance, please look at all the fucks I give: I give about twelve fucks, on average. Look at them! However, if you are interested in which songs were disqualified for being too obvious, click here or just scroll to the bottom of the article once you've read everything else. I’m sure you will like those much better and perhaps my reputation will remain intact after all.
Finally, for maximum pleasure, I recommend you listen to each song while you read their relevant entries, because that’s how they were written. Turn the page at the sound of the gong. Please don’t bend the paper, use a bookmark. For heaven’s sake, Richard, that’s not a toy. This is your problem now.
Art Pop, A Cappella
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Rumours behind this track’s creation are easy to find and impossible to verify. Some claim it’s about the effect of divorce on children, based on Imogen’s own sad life experiences. Others simply theorise that Heap’s computer broke, and she was forced to experiment using her vocals only, relying heavily on (the all too often abused) vocoder manipulation to get her point across. But regardless of backstories, we can all appreciate the difficulties such a melodramatic composition would entail. The calming production is borderline therapeutic; the poetic lyrics paint some of the most expressive scenes I’ve ever heard; and the melodies are so delicately alluring that everything falls effortlessly into a neat little package, perhaps even a “perfect” package, perhaps perhaps. Yes, some will be quick to call it overplayed and far too many will think exclusively of when Marissa shot Trey, but none of these things truly matter. What truly matters is this: the Mt Eden remix of this track finally woke me up as to what good dubstep was, and you never forget favours like that.
New Wave
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For humour's sake, let’s pick apart the conflicting reports surrounding the subject matter of this hypnotic waltz (one which we have all already come to adore, I'm sure). The most obvious (and more than likely, true) story revolves around heroin addiction: brown being the drug’s common street name, not to mention the euphoric warmth of the composition, which I guess one would expect from the substance’s trademark repetitiveness. And yet many have argued that it's about singer Hugh Cornwell’s then girlfriend and her Mediterranean golden brown skin, which is also rather plausible, as the song’s pleasurable embrace and deceptive attractiveness is easy to relate to the ups and downs of romantic relationships. And yet drummer Jet Black swears it’s about Marmite on toast, which kinda makes sense too because it’s delicious and also has that wonderful love-hate reputation going on for it. But whether smack or love or breakfast, this hookless masterpiece definitely hides some darkness within itself, a haunting sadness which makes you smile and then feel guilty about smiling only to realise everyone else was already smiling anyway. Hence why it topped charts all over the world, eventually hitting #2 in the UK, the band’s highest to date, and (let’s face it) probably forever.
Alternative Rock
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A controversial choice, I am fully aware, but this Pavement-esque treasure based on the 1964 self-help book Penny's Guide to Teen-Age Charm and Popularity by Gloria Winters changed my life. Sure, at first the deadpan spoken word verses appear to be some sarcastic high school advice aimed exclusively at teenage girls, but as the vocals escalate into more enthusiastic shouts of eager intensity, I began to realise that this was not a song whatsoever. This was a life lesson. And so I pushed the humour aside and I learnt the lyrics word for word (as difficult as that was) until it became my Bible, and before I knew it, I was getting laid, like, all the time. I’ve been laid like maybe a thousand times now.
Soul Jazz
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Minnie’s career is a lot like her debut single. It didn’t chart and was painfully overlooked by critics, reflected in this song’s verses: so quiet that they hardly feel like they are there, tiptoeing passed even the most perceptive of listeners. And yet as this song (and her life) continues, it begins to build up momentum, exploding into a chorus so orgasmic and uplifting that one could easily label it as “spiritual”. Before anyone knew it, she was singing backup for Chuck Berry and Muddy Waters, while her own songs suddenly began to chart, even hitting #1 at times. Her smooth voice and timeless soul seemed like it would go on forever, until that fateful day when she was abruptly diagnosed with breast cancer, dying at the young age of 31, a life ending long before it should’ve, so similar to this song which could be looped indefinitely without protest. As a result, Les Fleurs (and Riperton) are tragically overlooked and unwritten about, and yet those who know these songs worship them as classics, including electronic group 4hero who covered this track so faithfully that you can barely hear the difference whatsoever. Because you can’t fuck with perfection.
Pop Rock
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When a performer is better known for her animation work on such heavyweight productions as Ren & Stimpy, Archie Comics and Pee-wee's Playhouse, one would imagine her interpretation of Serge Gainsbourg’s classic to be about as appealing as a candy fishhook. And you’d be correct. But when gently pushing the cute vocals, rolling basslines and banging wind instruments aside, it’s the interesting choice of word translations which really leaped out into my happy antenna. Originally a French tune titled Laisse tomber les filles (translation: “leave the girls alone”), it’s so perfect for the English version to have somehow found itself instructing us to “hang up the chick habit”. I mean, who says stuff like that? April March, that’s who. And when Tarantino fell in love with the track and featured it in his 2007 film Death Proof, we can easily understand why it continues to skyrocket into such higher realms of popularity. Because it sounds like a movie all by itself! One seemingly made many years before its time, sharpened into a sugar bullet and racing straight into our hungry bellies, abandoning us while we bled out in joy.
Soul Jazz
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Before 1956, Screamin’ Jay Hawkins was a fairly passionate blues performer, but upon recording I Put A Spell On You (after drinking a load of alcohol), he changed. He began to act demented, wearing long capes and rising out from a coffin on stage, influencing shock rock performers for decades to come, including Alice Cooper, Black Sabbath and Marilyn Manson. As a result, the song has been covered by a wide variation of artists, such as The Animals, Creedence Clearwater Revival, Iggy Pop, and the aforementioned Manson (as well as being sampled by The Notorious B.I.G.), yet no one interpreted the song with as much elegance and sex appeal as Nina Simone. She understood the concept on a deeper level, taming the original irony and seducing its comicalness into one fucking evil love song. And within its quiet subtleness, it was more wicked, more creepy, more witchy, and much more curse-like than what Screamin’ Jay had managed to produce all those years before. Basically said, it put a spell on me and many others, even The Beatles’ citing it as the main inspiration for their 1965 track Michelle.
Experimental Art Pop
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What really surprised me upon researching for O Superman, was that this Laurie Anderson landmark managed to hit the #2 spot on the UK Singles chart. Huh? Impossible! How the fuck could such a sparse eight minute long song which is essentially a phone conversation between a narrator and a mysterious mechanical voice, driven almost exclusively by bird noises and vocoder vocals (before it was cool), ever reach such a state of commercial success? I mean, sure, the politically charged humour is more poetic than anything else in the world, and, yeah, sure, the deeply spaced out execution still sounds like it’s from the future to this very day ... but this is hardly a song! It’s a trip! It’s a mindfuck! One of which conjures up sad imagery of robots crying, paradoxically challenged by an aura of motherly optimism! How could this ever be so highly regarded in the eyes of the public? But then I read that according to the book The Rock Lists Album, O Superman was generally rated as readers’ least favourite hit single of 1981. Thank God for that! I am still part of the elite!
Acoustic Rock
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Upon designing the set for Nirvana’s one-take MTV Unplugged in New York performance, Cobain requested the scene be set up as if a funeral. Five months later, the man was dead, and so it’s of no wonder why this album reminds me of loss; of melancholy; and the fragility of being human. This can be owed, in part, to Kurt’s nervousness and drug withdrawal before the show, resulting in cracked vocals, missed pitches, and other such imperfections, all of which made it that more perfect, and all of which could be applied so very aptly to the criminally overlooked Meat Puppets cover, Oh, Me. Somehow hearing something different to the weird comedic mess of the original, Kurt reimagined the piece, slowing everything down into a dysfunctional yet comforting harmony, sinking hearts within the first four opening notes, and continuing the descent until we were all but drowned to death. The tender pace, the stripped back intimacy, and even the modest solo conspired against me; glorifying suicide, romanticising drug addiction, and taking advantage of my then teenage depression to grow as my biggest musical influence to date. Which is why, for the record, I request this song to be played at my funeral. Thanks.
Piano Rock
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Even if this classic is blasphemously underappreciated (it never hit above #15 in any country) and even if the Bernie Taupin penned lyrics are talking about sleeping with groupies, the real reason why this song stands out in my heart is its complete disregard to pop formula. For starters, it’s over six minutes in length, and yet feels like it’s under half that time whilst still remaining timeless for all eternity. Furthermore, it teases you, the chorus only arriving after two minutes and 30 seconds, which is an epic amount of time to wait especially when you know what is coming. Because what is coming ... is one of the most joyous explosions, in, all, of, music, HISTORY! I jump to my feet, extend my fingers to the sun and spin around like nobody is watching! Listen to the prettiness of the falsetto vocal melody! Listen to the driving charm of the piano keys! Listen to the layers upon layers of sounds which take multiple examinations to notice! It’s that scene in Almost Famous! It’s that Tony Danza joke! It’s fucking Elton John before he became shite, mate!!!
Horrorcore
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It’s hard to call a relationship “healthy” when the on-and-off boyfriend writes a sick love-song detailing a fantasy where he drags his daughter’s mother into the woods and then slits her throat 'til death do them part. But this prequel to 97 Bonnie & Clyde (a previously released song where Eminem dumps the corpse into the ocean) does just that, shoving you into the middle of their disturbing animosity and personal suffering in the most nauseating of ways. The lyrics spit with bile of hatred and spite, revealing both sides of Eminem’s personality (the lost, vulnerable, heartbroken victim; and the vengeful, violent, irrationally furious murderer), all the while imitating Kim’s voice with a performance so genuinely desperate it doesn’t sound like an act whatsoever. It is the epitome of horrorcore, the flows are never once sacrificed in favour of the story or vice versa, and the connection to his real life is so blunt that Kim herself even attempted suicide after hearing it. All of which contributes as to why this song is borderline unlistenable yet still stands as the centerpiece for the fastest selling hip hop album of all time, and I can hardly fathom anyone would even write something like this. Hence why I love/hate it so much.
Pop
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Originally written by The Lover Speaks, there is a unique flavour surrounding this super-dark pop song which doesn’t quite sit right somewhere inside of me. Best experienced in conjunction with the disconcerting music video, the tune reflects some sort of a 19th century brothel where romance and sexuality comes hand in hand with hidden agendas; where bizarre fetishes you’d never thought about intrigue you; and where the overall experience leaves you feeling appalled, used, and dirty. But even when it alienated us with its dainty sadness and lunatic vocal deliveries, it still managed to reach far and wide, winning the Best Female Pop Vocal Grammy Award (the first for a British lass), hitting #2 on the UK charts (Lennox’s highest), and as a result, is often considered to be somewhat “overplayed”. Don’t believe me? Try this test at home: walk up to a stranger and sing “doobi doobi doop doop doop”. Nine out of ten will respond with an automatic “ah-ah”. That, my friends, is called an infection.
Contemporary Folk
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After a pleasant walk around the countryside, your granny sits you down in her warm living room and hands you a cup of tea with a dry cracker, her small way of coaxing you into spending more time with her, granting her someone to talk to for just that much longer. She begins to speak about how different things were back in her day, sharing political insight about living in the 1920s middle-class suburbia. The development of uniformity, the conformist attitudes, the shoddy material used to construct low quality house upon low quality house, crammed together without any distinguishing features nor regard to personal comfort. And while she mutters along, you can’t help but smile politely at her satirical antidotes, all too aware that her outdated wisdoms are coated with love and her intentions come from the right place. She doesn’t realise that her ancient slang is adorable at best, and that her own sanctimonious smugness smells a bit preachy, but who cares? All good political stuff is a supposed to be a little bit stubborn, isn't it? And at least she sounds sweet while she does it.
Alternative Noise Rock
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As if you ever needed any more proof that Kim Gordon is too cool for school (or anything else for that matter), here’s something: a feminist anthem of damaging proportions; the band’s first single on a major label; that perfect mix of expensive production and the trademark Youth noise; all with a backstory to match. During an interview between Gordon and LL Cool J, the artists clashed over the issue of gender equality, causing Kim so much frustration that she wrote this song, her playfully insulting response to the man. It slyly referenced many of his tracks, but above that, contained some of the most sticky quotables I’ve ever heard, in particular the lines: “Hey kool thing, come here. Sit down beside me. There's something I gotta ask ya. I just wanna know, what are you gonna do for me? I mean, are you gonna liberate us girls from male white corporate oppression? Huh? Don't be shy. Fear of a female planet? I just want you to know that we can still be friends. When you're a star, I know that you'll fix everything.” It’s no wonder, then, that this is currently my most listened to track ever, according to Last.FM.
IDM
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As Aphex Twin’s highest charting single, this creepy erratic masterpiece is well-known within all genre circles, and yet very few truly understand the genius behind it. For example: when run through a spectrogram, there an image of his face hidden within the wave frequencies. Or that the tune comes with a beautifully unsettling 10 minute long music video directed by Chris Cunningham; a parody of American gangsta hip hop, showing two young black men window shopping for women, aware that the French term for window shopping itself is faire du lèche-vitrine (literally "licking the windows"). And of course, these women are not normal, their sexy bodies contradicted by their faces which morph into Aphex Twin’s own recognisable face, later joined by one particularly ugly female based on the likeness of H. R. Giger’s sketch The Windowlickers. But even without this knowledge, no one can deny the complex and unpredictable nature of this memorable track, which invigorates attention by occasionally presenting accessible intelligence, but usually completely destroys all comfort with sex samples and distorted noises that no one could possibly prepare for. Hence why this song was my ringtone for many many years, and hence why each time I hear it I apprehensively touch my pocket in fear.
Alternative Rock
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After releasing the biggest selling album of the 1990s, Alanis was shoved into an awkward corner: the impossible task of following up a genuine modern day classic. But instead of doing the predictable and offering us yet another angst-fueled attack, she stepped sideways from expectations and tried to find a spiritual place within her newfound mega superstardom. And no other song from her critically acclaimed yet repulsively underrated album Supposed Former Infatuation Junkie applies to this definition more than I Was Hoping. By utilising barely audible noises and hip hop percussion, as well as rejecting formulaic repetitiveness and shunning anything mainstream, she managed to create a deep atmosphere which was primarily strung along by her vulnerable and introspective lyrics. They tell an autobiographical narrative which reads like a conversation, wandering along the path of self realisation, yet still completely lost and unashamed of that fact. It’s wise, it’s articulate, it’s educational, and it drips with an aura of desperate sadness which is so intelligent, so emotional, and so very disconcerting that it hurts. But if you (like many) cannot swallow this darker side of your 90s icon, you may find relief in the equally brilliant and (only slightly) lighter version of this track on her MTV Unplugged album.
Video Game Music
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It shouldn’t surprise you that this piece was a very difficult thing to construct. For armed with nothing but a small keyboard and a Latin rhythm, Japanese video game musician genius Koji Kindo was forced to make many small changes throughout the process, often scrapping entire drafts when the Super Mario game itself took on a new direction. But I think I speak for the whole world when I say that such a pedantic attitude was totally worth it, for even if its continuous melody changes and technical complexities should make it next to impossible to remember (YouTube people drumming to it for full effect), it’s anything but. So much so, that it has been called the “most famous, memorable theme in the world” as well as the “greatest video game song ever”, a few publications correctly stating that “every single person growing up in the 80s can hum it note for note”. Even Kondo himself expressed doubt that he could ever make something as infectious ever again, but I can’t blame him. It’s arguably the catchiest-as-fuck and joyous-to-the-max composition I’ve ever heard in my life, especially when considering the limitations of an 8-bit sound, and so full marks and high scores for all.
Post-Hardcore, Math Rock
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Telling the tale of a sea captain apologising to a little boy while the ship sinks during a storm (based on Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s poem The Rime of the Ancient Mariner), this two chord magnum opus seems almost symbolic to the band themselves. During the climactic chorus (which The Guardian unsurprisingly compared to Stairway to Heaven, as it’s one of the best deliveries in music, period), singer McMahan became physically ill due the strain of his yells, and then the band broke up directly afterwards, one member reportedly checking himself into a psychiatric hospital because of how taxing the production of this album was. And it’s not hard to hear why. The mathy bassline almost sounds out of tune, the awkward off-beat drumming feels claustrophobic and panicky, the whispery vocals are hardly there, and the whole loud/soft dynamic is so overwhelmingly intense that it shreds at my insanity to the point of delirious goosebumps, without ever going too far over the top. It’s so desperate and strange that I disintegrate into nausea and tears, gasping for air as this song finishes off one of the most epic albums I’ve ever heard in my life.
Modern Classical
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Despite having worked with Kanye West, Dido and Fiona Apple (to name very few), Jon Brion is an unfairly unknown composer. That said, the romance of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (starring Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet) is exceptionally popular, calculated as the second most critically acclaimed film of the 2000s with a Rotten Tomatoes approval rating of 93%. And this special theme song represents the vibe completely. With such key-driven sadness and warped backwards background noises, it is the epitome of beautiful (probably the most beautiful piano piece I’ve ever heard, if I'm willing to say that out loud), touching my heartache and spreading an irrational longing for death throughout my emotions. For these reasons, this is the second and final song on this list which I publicly state and beg of you: please play it at my funeral. I want to hear it when I die. I want to listen to it on repeat forever.
New Romantic
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Duran Duran have a weird reputation, often disregarded as some 80s synthpop boyband who have dated badly and are too old to dance. And this is true. However, this judgement does not apply to their 1982 album Rio, or even more importantly, the dark album’s closer, known simply as The Chauffeur. Delivered by signature laid back vocals, the poetic lyrics tell the story of a driver, his female passenger, and a hot car, all transported via intricate basslines, eerie sound effects and retro discomforts, perpetually building up and teasing you until the moment they casually stab you in your windpipe. Oh what a sexy murder! What a horrific romance! What a passionate way to choke on your own blood! I knew we shouldn’t have gone to the roller disco tonight, darling!
Synth Pop
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I could easily go on about how Q Lazzarus was a taxi driver before getting involved with this underappreciated song, or how people unfairly call her a “one hit wonder”, even though she only ever performed this one track. I could talk about how her androgynous delivery is so mysterious that I honestly assumed she was a male for many years. I could analyse the great stereo production, or educate you on the finer details of the lyrics, such as how the horses represent the five senses of Hindu philosophy, or how they focus on the ability to see beyond our Earthly perspectives. I could say many things, but essentially all I really want to do is shove you into the pit I dug in my garden. I want to put lipstick on, tuck my dick between my legs and then admire myself in the mirror for an extended period of time. I’d dance dangerously, ruining pretty things, getting intimate with myself, feeling as sexy as I was feeling wrong. Would you fuck me? I'd fuck me. I'd fuck me hard.
Songs Disqualified For Being Too Predictable
The Beatles - A Day In The Life; Bob Dylan - Idiot Wind; David Bowie - Station To Station; Elvis Presley - (I Can't Help) Falling In Love With You; Fleetwood Mac - Never Going Back Again; Frank Sinatra - My Way; Joy Division - Love Will Tear Us Apart; Johnny Cash - Hurt; Led Zeppelin - Stairway To Heaven; Pixies - Hey; Prince & The Revolution - Purple Rain; Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody; Radiohead - Paranoid Android; The Rolling Stones - Paint It Black; Simon & Garfunkel - The Sound Of Silence; The Smiths - Frankly, Mr. Shankly; Talking Heads - Once In A Lifetime
Other Songs Considered
Aerosmith - What It Takes; Animal Collective - My Girls; The Beach Boys - Good Vibrations; Bob Seger - Turn The Page; Bjork - Hyperballad; Blink 182 - I Miss You; Counting Crows - Mr. Jones; The Dandy Warhols - We Used To Be Friends; Dawn Penn - You Don’t Love Me (No, No, No); The Dillinger Escape Plan - 43% Burnt; Dusty Springfield - Windmills Of Your Mind; Enya - Orinoco Flow; Eric Claption - Tears in Heaven; Finley Quaye - Even After All; The Flaming Lips - Fight Test; Flobots - Handlebars; The Foo Fighters - Walking After You (acoustic version); Gary Jules - Mad World; Jay-Z - 99 Problems; Jeff Buckley - So Real; John Frusciante - Running Away Into You; Joni Mitchell - A Case Of You; Kate Bush - Oh To Be In Love; Massive Attack - Teardrop; Mr. Bungle - Goodbye Sober Day; Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Do You Love Me; Nine Inch Nails - Closer; Paul Simon - You Can Call Me Al; Peter Bjorn And John - Young Folks; Pogo - Alice; R.E.M. - Everybody Hurts; Stone Temple Pilots - Sour Girl; TLC - Waterfalls; Tracy Chapman - Fast Car; Vitalic - Polkamatic; Viktor Vaughn - Can I Watch?
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