Monday, 5 April 2010

Dear Blondie

Originally Written: 15/01/09

Blondie is old but still hotAN OPEN LETTER TO THE BAND BLONDIE

Dearest Debbie and co.

Please please please release another single this year! And if you still have any juices left in your formerly-sexy-now-crusty-yet-still-somewhat-sexy bones, make it a good one!

I know you can do it love. You always had a knack for last minute saves. In 1979 "Heart of Glass" hit number 1 in the UK charts, shooting you to the fame you deserved, and securing you as one of the top bands of the late 70's, especially when your next single "Sunday Girl" achieved the same fate.

You owned the following year too, 1980 you hit number 1 three times with "Call Me", "Atomic" and "The Tide is High". This was very smart, as to have number 1 hits two years in a row isn't the BIGGEST deal for a successful and talented artist such as yourself, but to do this over the change of a decade does make the achievement all that more special.

And then in 1982, you guys broke up and it seemed to be over. It didn't matter, you were still a solid fixture of the 80's, even though it was sad.

10 years passed quickly, and then a further 7 years after that. And out of the blue, you guys released "Maria", which shot to number 1 in 1999. What a move! Blondie, you blow my mind. This means that you guys are the only American act to reach number one in the UK singles charts in the 1970s, 1980s and 1990s, as I am sure you are aware. To feel success of this nature is unheard of, and of all your countless achievements (incl being the oldest female artist to have a number 1 hit), this is my favourite.

But the years have passed again Ms. Harry, and don't you think it's about time you release your 2000's hit? It is 2009 after all. Sure "Good Boys" hit #12 in 2003, and that's very nice, but I think we can all agree that this is just not enough. I believe you can pull it out the bag one more time Deborah, do it for us, and this will almost certainly keep this record from being unbreakable for centuries to come.

Please, think about what I have said.

So much love,
Jared Woods

P.S: You may be 64 years old, but I'd still sleep with you. Call me!!!

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