Wednesday 20 April 2011


Jared Woods Goes To Amsterdam
Yes, it’s true. Due to my parents having sex in South Africa, I was forced to provide document upon document attempting to prove that I was not a threat to the Netherlands. I manage to fool them, and have been granted a visa to enter Amsterdam itself. This is a dream come true for a multitude of reasons, none of which I will go into here. It is also interesting because by some coincidence, I am arriving today, 4/20, the international day of cannabis culture. It's a damn shame I don’t smoke weed.

In all seriousness though, I plan to regret this whole trip, so please never ask me what I did there. I will never tell you.

Of course, as the nature of a holiday goes, I won’t be doing any work. This means no formspring questions will be answered, the Best Albums of 2011 section won’t be updated, and I doubt I’ll even Tweet. I will try make up for it when I come back if I even remember my name.

Anyway, before I leave you guys, let me give you the overdue update on what has been going down:

Just quickly, I released a little blog a few weeks ago called The Best/Worse Of Juice Nothing Artwork. It was a double feature, check it out.
More importantly, a new short story was released RIGHT NOW called The Art Of Enjoyable Flying. It is an interesting one and has an even more interesting backstory.
But PLEASE read the damn thing FIRST before reading the following spoiler:

I wrote this short story on an aeroplane. So many facts were actually true to this actual flight in 2009. I sat in seat 30B. I was on my way to Cape Town. There was a promising encounter on the other side. It was my birthday in a week. I sat next a lady, who (while much older and less attractive than Jaime) did have blue toenail polish. And I did take 2 sleeping pills washed down with Heineken.
Part 1 was designed to bore you, stealing the technique from Stephen King whose books usually do nothing until the second half. Part 2 is completely fictionalised, but I have to admit that it is a funny thing to be writing about whilst in the air. That said, the story about Henry and his brother is a slightly editing story that happened to an old friend of mine. It really stuck with me and found it’s way in there.

I only recently remembered I had written this story, so I dug it up and rewrote it in my awesome new skilled ways. I was then faced with the unfortunate job of naming the two characters, the only part of creating fiction that I hate. Originally they were called Sean and Isabelle, but I didn’t want to use either of these for my own reasons, so I came up with this solution:

Cool huh?
My last short story got next to no attention, but this is a creative outlet I simply have to continue with. However, I had the good idea of separating my blogs into “Articles” and “Fiction” so that people don’t have to read what they don’t want to. Just roll over the new menu item called “WRITINGS” above to see what I mean.

I have stupid big ideas coming for Juice Nothing, stuff that will eventually result in this thing churning out tons of content in quite a few mediums. I can’t imagine these things taking too much longer than a few months (or so (or so)).

I must say in all pride that The Best Of Albums 2011 section is by far the most visited page on the site. It needs some work, but it is being worked on to make a better experience for everyone. And I have heard some killer stuff man. April has been awesome so far, much better than March, so it pains me that I will be out of the loop for a week of it. But I doubt you have listened to it all, so now is your chance to catch up.

I kind of overestimated this project. It’s a good thing, because I am not going to be half-assed about it. I don’t want to give too much away, but let’s say I am about a quarter of the way through the fourth to last step. Sounds bleak, I know, but the worst of it is done I hope. All music is 95%, all lyrics are 95%. The people who have previewed it have cried. No jokes either.
Because of this and the Amsterdam trip, I am unsure when this will be done. Even July seems like pushing it a bit fine, so I am going to say August now. I can only ensure you that when it is launched, you will see where the time went without a doubt.

I hit my 300th question a few weeks ago where I cut my hair and shaped it funny.
I have since answered some other cool ones, 2 examples being:
How To Get Laid
And this one.
So as per usual, Ask Me Anything! I have 17 waiting which will take a while, but you might as well get in line.

I don’t really know what to tell you. Everybody has been really busy and things have been upside down. We have not disappeared, stuff is being worked on. I won’t bring up The YesMen Video again. I will say that Ammr has the skeleton of a cool short film and we are all taking a look at that and working out how something so ambitious is possible. Besides that, an idea has come about which will go viral. And that one could materialize pretty soon if we manage to get a certain party’s permission.

I think that’s it. If you’re lucky, next time I will tell you about my iPhone App idea that failed.
See you on the other side, if you ever see me again.

Love Jared
P.S: Twitter anyone? I don’t follow back.

Tuesday 19 April 2011

The Art Of Enjoyable Flying


So sorry to do this, but the short story you are looking for has been removed! How shit is that?

Do not fear! If you want to read it, you still can! Simply download my book This Is Your Brain On Drugs (featuring many other very delicious bits I wrote) from good old Amazon Kindle!