Wednesday 29 May 2013

I Broked Your Clock

I broke your clock
Well, it’s been a mighty fine amount of time since I’ve updated you people on my going ons, and as a result, there is a substantial amount of stuff to say on just about every project I am currently involved with. For this reason, I won’t be wasting my time or yours by ranting about women’s rights or the drug problems in the UK, but rather just gonna get on with it. Here is the latest:

After the failures that were The Best/Worst of Juice Nothing and Streamline Your Life Like Jared Woods (although people have had some very positive shit to say about the latter, but I'm not convinced), I realised I had to stop jerking off into my own eyes and up my game a little bit. Since then, I have been working real hard to spit out a relatively improved standard of work (3 full articles; 2 rants) and nearly managed to do it too. Elaborated:

The Death Of Formspring (rant)
Not so long ago, it was announced that my usual Question and Answers platform Formspring was shutting down. It was a shock to all of us, I know, and I spoke about what this means to me in the quick piece you can read above. As it turns out, it was a slight waste of time, because apparently some last minute deal saved the website from imploding on itself, and everything was cool again. I contemplated how this made me feel, and concluded that I didn't really appreciate the way the announcement fucked with my zen, so I decided to continue with my original plan after all: I will no longer be using the Formspring service to serve you lovely people. Instead, I'll be opening my own Q&A effort, (hopefully) before the end of the year, which will be better and much more secure. Everyone will love it, just yoooou waaaaaittt.

20 White Artists Who Have Said "Nigger" In A Song
And here it is: without a doubt, the best bit of 2013 writing I have achieved thus far. This controversial compilation was born out of my own frustration, lost and unable to find any such an article on the internet, realising I was simply going to have to do it myself. So I researched the hell out of it, swallowed as much information as I could stomach, and then vomited this out over here. Needless to say, response has been fantastic, duh, and the hits rolled right in. Due to its success, I am planning a much weirder sequel of sorts, but let’s not get ahead of each other, or we might fall. Seriously though, if you click nothing else within this news item, click there.

Storm Thorgerson (28 February 1944 – 18 April 2013) (rant)
As people do, Storm Thorgerson died. He was my favourite album artwork creator of all time, and I couldn’t just let him leave us without sending my own little goodbye-love to a man who still believed in the importance of good visuals to go with good audio. So I wrote this thing which included 20 of my favourite pieces he’s been involved with, and if you are one of those who appreciate music and art, it could very well be the quick read you're looking for. It didn’t help me much though, I’m still pretty bleak about it.

25 Albums That Changed My Life: The Tale of the Devil and Me
As a topic I’ve wanted to tackle for a while, it’s kind of a pity that I got the bright fucking idea to present the piece like some exaggerated autobiography short story type of deal. I dunno, it’s not the worst thing I’ve ever done, but it did seem to fall ever so slightly short of the mark (about 75% worthy of your time and about 25% wankity wank). I tried! I really did! I guess they can’t all be winners though, and I am over it, marching forward with my head held high.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever
I just gone and done this! And I fucking love it! What I find interesting about this article is that I had written the entire thing in 2008, start to finish. But something didn't quite feel right about it, and so (thank God), I left it to stew until it was more delicious and ready to be digested with the full potential it deserved. And that time is now. I worked really hard to try and keep it much briefer than my usual blabbering, so if you have an hour or so to waste, I'd be honoured if you wasted it here. Thanks!

It is now the time I shall tell you something else. I (think I) will be using what I like to refer to as my "Get Out Of Jail Free Card" during the month of June 2013. Which is to say, I won’t be updating this bloggy blog during that designated time period of the year. The reasons are many, and I shall touch on a few of them throughout this piece, but I promise it has nothing to do with lack of ideas. As it stands, I have the brewing of 11 separate pieces in the depths of my brain box, so don’t you worry your pretty little face, or you might get wrinkles.

Design for the new main website got really far and then I grew bored, flipped the fukkit-switch, and began the daunting journey of actually building the fucking thing. On the one hand, I am super impressed with myself as to fast it has come together. On the other hand, there are sooo many things I want to do for it (in fact, it shall contain more Easter Eggs than actual content) that I couldn’t possibly predict any accurate time of arrival. Before the end of 2013? That would be nice. But regardless, it will be worth the wait, I promise. I am toast vibing it, and yes, a lot of the free time over the next month shall be devoted to this project.

But one of the main reasons I will be taking a breather over June (if not, the main reason), is because I have written a little short story, 100% complete in rough handwriting, and it is just sitting in my drawer, turning yellow and eating itself inward. At night time, I can hear it nagging at me, and I am struggling to sleep because of it. Which is why I have decided to begin the process of combing through the pages and transforming the pile of badly scribbled words into something at least remotely readable. The thing is, it might take a while, and so I am granting myself a while to take. Other than that, all you need to know is that I'm calling it Hell (even though it’s not actually gonna be called that) and it’s all about Hell (believe or not).

Besides this, I have been doing little bitsies on the sequel to The Triangular Theory of Love, but it’s becoming one of those “Blood From My Teeth” type deals, and I don’t enjoy that sort of thing. It may never get released, it may get released at the end of the year, I don’t know, you don’t know, but I’ll keep talking about it anyway blah blah blah look at me look at me.


I drown in pride as I announce my debut novella is 100% written in neat. It goes even further than that, as I'm not the only one who has experienced the tale. Like bedtime stories, I have been reading a few chapters a night to my girlfriend, and if this process has taught me anything, it’s that the project probably isn’t as good as I thought it was. Whatever, when last did you write a book? Exactly.
Over the next month, I will be slowly sending it across to a few other special people in order get their 2 cents (keep an ear out for this, and it may be you), altering it based on their opinions, and then...? Profit? I’m not sure yet, but it should definitely turn into a highlight of the year as far as Juice Something goes.

I also want to quickly mention that I am an overworking freight train of ambition and masochism, and the planning process of my second novella has also begun. I've been watching a fuckload of Studio Ghibli material whilst snorting ketamine, and am on this persistent hyper level of inspiration because of it. I don't want to give too much away, except that I am aiming to go well deep into The Goat's Nest this time, finally opening the lid on fictional incidents that I've been developing since I was a child. About time, I guess.

So it finally happened: The Black EP reared its ugly distorted face and gave us all an evil wink. The first of four songs named A Million Little Fingers Inside Of You was launched, cartoon video and everything, and I for one was pretty stoked about the execution. The drawings were of a much higher standard, and the song itself was as good (if not better) and those that came before. People agreed, but that’s not what was important. What was important is that I am feeling so rad about this project again, revisiting these characters felt like going back home, and I am amped to develop this story further, as fast as possible.

Which is happening. The second track of the EP (which has been a bit of a toughie, I'll admit) is moving ahead slowly, with about 99% of the lyrics finalised, 48% of the drawings drawn, and 70% of the music sounding pretty damn good (for me). And while it could still go either way, if I manage to get it sounding like it does in my head, it could very well be the best song I've ever done. Expect that soon enough, as it is yet another reason why I'm taking the writing break.

More than likely, the very next thing to come out from me (and my friends) will be one of them FPP joints. Ash has been sweating and bleeding and semening away on what we all agree is our best video to date. It’s a special one, because we are (almost) all involved, and it is waaaay different from anything we've done before. It’s taking forever fucking ages, I'm aware, but everytime I see the most recent edit, I am confused as to why we don’t just release it as is. It’s called World Of The Day, revolves around The Freewheelin' Troubadour and Jonathan Loose Agent 23 van der Velden, and could be out in a matter of weeks. Doesn't that make your tummy runny?

After that, not too sure, but me and Ammr have been discussing some very interesting concepts...

Hmmm, yep, think that’s it. As I say, it might be a while before you hear from me again (unless you follow me on Twitter, in which case you will hear far too much of me), but when I come back, I will have a whole new briefcase of goodies to put up your nose and tempt your children with.

Until then, peace out and piss off.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever

(according to me)

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever (according to me)
The Rules
This list attempts to avoid some of the bigger more obvious names, opting to rather focus on generally lesser praised characters. This means there is no Mickey Mouse, no Bugs Bunny, no Homer Simpson, no Eric Cartman, no Stewie Griffin, no Beavis, no Butthead, no Snoopy, no Superman, no Spiderman, no Batman, no SpongeBob SquarePants, no Garfield, no Snoopy, no Archie, no Disney princesses, no Popeye, none of them.
Puppets did not qualify. This means there is no Baby Sinclair, no Greg the Bunny, no Sesame Street, no Muppet Show, none of them.
Print/Static characters did not qualify. This means there is no Alfred E Neuman, no Joe Camel, no Kilroy, no Fail Whale, no Dr Seuss, none of them.
Real life actors in costumes did not qualify. This means there is no Alf, no Teletubbies, no Barney, no Honey Monster, no Bananas in Pyjamas, no Ronald McDonald, none of them.
Only one character per title was considered. This means that no matter how many good entries could have come from any given series/movie/game/etc, only the best one was included, the rest were not.

Is this ok with you? If not, fuck right off then. If so, please make yourself at home, homie:

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 50. Where's Wally

50. Wally

“Hi, I’m Wally, and this is my dog, Woof. We’re from the future.”

Created by: Martin Handford
Voiced by: Townsend Coleman
First Appearance: Where's Wally (book, 1987); Where's Wally? season 1 episode 1 "My Left Fang" (series, 1991)
Related Companies: Sei Young Animation Co. Ltd.; The Waldo Film Company; DIC Entertainment; Hit Entertainment

Known as Waldo in the States, Valli in Iceland, Willy in Norway, Charlie in France, and just about a different name wherever you may be, this character's gimmick was that you had to find him first. Hidden within a sea of assorted creatures and red herrings, it's no wonder that kids and adults alike had so much fun with this dude that his company raped his image for as much money as possible, going on to front a (s)hit TV show, a comic strip, and even some video games. I could never find him and gave up years ago.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 49. Cousin Itt

49. Itt

Gibberish Character

Created by: David Levy
Voiced by: John Stephenson; Pat Fraley
First Appearance: The Addams Family Pilot/New Scooby-Doo Movies season 1 episode 3 “Wednesday is Missing/Scooby-Doo Meets The Addams Family” (series, 1972)
Related Companies: Hanna-Barbera; CBS; NBC

Speaking high-pitched nonsense and known only to have “roots” underneath his hair, this Addams Family cousin is said to be highly talented in the areas of acting, singing and marriage counseling. Not only this, but he has an IQ of over 300 which is why he works as a secret agent on occasion, whilst still living the carefree bachelor lifestyle with many many female companions. Rumour has it, he possesses "the eye of an eagle, plus a few of his own,” but hides these under dark sunglasses as to avoid being pestered by eager fans asking for his autograph.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 48. Plank

48. Plank

Silent Character

Created by: Danny Antonucci
First Appearance: Ed, Edd n Eddy season 1 episode 1 “The Ed-Touchables” (series, 1999)
Related Companies: a.k.a. Cartoon; Yeson Animation Studios; Funbag Animation Studios; Cartoon Network

Plank is best known as the imaginary friend of Jonny 2x4... OR IS HE?? This very question breeds heavy debate amongst serious fans, pointing out the ample evidence against it, such as: the occasions Plank has moved by himself; his distinct personality independent of (and with some evil control over) Johnny; and that no other character in the series considers him to be figmental friend. Regardless, he is a piece of wood with a superhero alter-ego named Splinter the Wonderwood, and that’s cool enough for me to leave him right here.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 47. Moomintroll

47. Moomintroll

"One can't be too dangerous if they like to eat pancakes. Especially with jam on it."

Created by: Tove Jansson
Voiced by: Kyôko Kishida; Peter Radise; Rabbe Smedlund (among others)
First Appearance: The Moomins and the Great Flood (novel, 1945); Moomin season 1 episode 1 “The Secret of the Silk Hat” (series, 1969)
Related Companies: Drawn and Quarterly; Tokyo Movie Shinsha; Mushi Productions; Network Fuji TV

Moomintroll is such a loveable and good natured fella, that he is hailed as the perfect fictional role model for any kiddie on our planet. Which is why his résumé of media boasts books, comics, numerous television shows, films, music releases, plane deco, an art museum, an interactive playroom, a theme park, a €10 Finnish commemorative coin, and the asteroid 58345 Moomintroll named in his honour. Bless.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 46. La Linea

46. La Linea

Mostly Gibberish Character

Created by: Osvaldo Cavandoli
Voiced by: Carlo Bonomi
First Appearance: La Linea season 1 episode 1 (shorts, 1971)
Related Companies: B. Del Vita; HDH Film/TV

The real genius behind these 2 minute Italian shorts, was the brilliant use of fourth wall breakage between the simple character and the artist himself. The live action hand creating solutions (and problems) for this little dude using nothing more than a pencil has since been imitated countless times, like in Jamiroquai's video (Don't) Give Hate a Chance, or the British version of Whose Line is it Anyway?. My pictures have never moved by themselves :(

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 45. Mr Bump

45. Mr Bump

“Oh, poopity poop! You'll never learn!”

Created by: Roger Hargreaves
Voiced by: Arthur Lowe
First Appearance: Mr. Bump (novel, 1971); The Mr Men Show season 1 episode 1 “Physical” (series, 2008)
Related Companies: Chorion Renegade Animation; Cartoon Network; 20th Century Fox; 21 Laps Entertainment; Sanrio

With such an accident-prone nature, always falling into holes and knocking into things, Mr Bump has been said to be even more clumsy than Mr. Clumsy himself. This careless behaviour has cost him many a job opportunity over the years, but I am happy to report that he is currently employed in an apple orchard, knocking the fruit off trees freely, and becoming quite good at it too.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 44. Pac-Man

44. Pac-Man

Originally a Silent Character

Created by: Tōru Iwatani
First Appearance: Pac-Man (arcade game, 1980)
Related Companies: Namco; Namco Midway

Based on a pizza and originally called Puck-Man (changed in fear of vandals altering the “P” to an “F”), this character is a global phenomenon, appearing in 30 licensed games; clothing; a television series; as Namco’s mascot; and once as a fully functional Google doodle. In fact, a study has shown that 94% of American consumers recognise him, surpassing Mario and Sonic as the most famous game character of all time. Hell, even Mario creator Shigeru Miyamoto claims this character as his favourite. Furthermore, Pacman has been awarded 8 Guinness World Records, while Weird Al Yankovic and Aphex Twin have written songs about him. Fuck the new age incarnations though, they ruin it, it's all about the old school for life, yo.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 43. Him (Powerpuff Girls)

43. Him

“All I did was take over. It was easy!”

Created by: Craig McCracken
Voiced by: Tom Kane
First Appearance: The Powerpuff Girls season 1 episode 3 “Octi Evil” (series, 1998)
Related Companies: Cartoon Network Studios; Kids' WB

Inspired by Chief Blue Meanie from the 1968 Beatles film Yellow Submarine, the androgynous Him is shown to feed off the negativity of others in order to grow larger and substantially more powerful. And word on the street is that this character represents Satan himself, but this fact was never explicitly stated in the show because, c'mon, children.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 42. Sheldon

42. Sheldon

“Are you trying to scare me?”

Created by: Jim Davis
Voiced by: Frank Welker
First Appearance: U.S. Acres (comic strip, 1986); Garfield and Friends season 1 episode 1 “Wanted: Wade” (series, 1988)
Related Companies: Film Roman; Paws, Inc.; Hanna-Barbera; CBS

Do not be fooled by the claustrophobic lifestyle this introverted character appears to portray, as this egg works as the perfect living space, complete with a microwave, pinball machine, table tennis table, air conditioning and a cleaning lady who comes once a week. And even when confronted about his reluctance to hatch, Sheldon’s reasons are flawless, stating that wherever he goes he is at home; he doesn’t need haircuts or umbrellas; and nobody can call him a chicken. However, in one episode he did finally hatch, only to reveal another shell underneath. Heh, clever.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 41. Magic Brooms

41. Magic Broom(s)

Silent Character

Created by: Joe Grant; Dick Huemer
First Appearance: Fantasia part 3 “The Sorcerer's Apprentice” (short, 1940)
Related Companies: Walt Disney Productions; RKO Radio Pictures

Ordinary brooms brought to life by magic, and then promptly flooding a building with water was a freaky concept for me in my youth. I mean, the part where the sorcerer’s apprentice (Mickey Mouse) becomes so frustrated that he chops one in half? And then the broken pieces grow into two separate brooms?!? Terrifying!! Others agree with me too, as the popularity of this character earned it a spot in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Darkwing Duck, 4 video games, and in most Disney Parks, scaring little kids all around the world.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 40. Sackboy

40. Sackboy

“I Like to Boogie.”

Created by: David Smith; Mark Healey; Francis Pang; Kareem Ettouney
Voiced by: Kenneth Young
First Appearance: LittleBigPlanet (video game, 2008)
Related Companies: Media Molecule; Sony Computer Entertainment

Running around in five games narrated by Stephen Fry, Sackboy is a Sackperson (of whom Sackgirl and other more gender-neutral alternatives do exist, chill) who solves user-generated puzzles which are all brainy-teasy and stuff. This concept has gone on to win numerous awards, mostly because these guys are said to be stuffed with fluff and ice cream. CUTE OVERLOAD, AM I RIGHT?

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 39. Duffman

39. Duffman

"Duffman can never die, only the actors who play him."

Created by: Matt Groening
Voiced by: Hank Azaria
First Appearance: The Simpsons season 9 episode 1 "The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson" (series, 1997)
Related Companies: Gracie Films; 20th Century Fox Television; Distributor 20th Television

Based on Budweiser's Bud Man, this criminally underrated Simpsons character works as the mascot for the fictional Duff Beer Corporation (which itself was named after the Guns N' Roses bassist Duff McKagan). But I didn't select him for this, or his over-enthusiasm, or even his suggestive pelvic thrusts, but rather because he is a dyslexic gay Jewish man, which is pretty complex for a Toon. That said, apparently there are more than one Duffmans, but that’s kept a secret in order to not "disillusion children".

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 38. Pepé Le Pew

38. Pepé Le Pew

“I am the broken heart of love. I am the disillusioned. I wish to enlist in the Foreign Legion so I may forget. Take me!”

Created by: Chuck Jones; Michael Maltese
Voiced by: Mel Blanc
First Appearance: Looney Tunes “Odor-able Kitty” (short, 1945)
Related Companies: Warner Bros.; Harman and Ising Pictures; Leon Schlesinger Studios

Falling in love during the Paris springtime is easy, even if just with a cat who wears a deceptive white stripe down her back, ask Pepé. And having appeared in his own shorts, as well as episodes of Tiny Toon Adventures, Histeria, and Animaniacs, I think the popularity of this character stems from that very reason, as many of us know a ladies man exactly like the skunk, assuming their infatuations are requited, not taking no for an answer, and ultimately only loving themselves far too much. That might be me, actually.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 37. The Red Guy

37. The Red Guy

“Plastic surgery isn’t just a sport, it’s a way of life.”

Created by: David Feiss
Voiced by: Charlie Adler
First Appearance: Cow and Chicken pilot (from What A Cartoon! series, 1995)
Related Companies: Hanna-Barbera Cartoons; Cartoon Network Studios

It’s surprising that such a blatant display of buttocks was approved for a children’s show, but it was, as The Red Guy freely used his bum cheeks as a mode of transport like it ain't no thing, donning all sorts of interesting disguises whilst doing so, and all with the sole intent of bringing harm to Cow or Chicken. But why? This has never been established, except for his occasional admittance that it was “something bad that happened to me when I was 9 years old.”

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 36. Betty Boop

36. Betty Boop

"Don't take my Boop-Oop-A-Doop away!"

Created by: Max Fleischer
Voiced by: Margie Hines (original, among 13 others)
First Appearance: Dizzy Dishes (short, 1930)
Related Companies: Fleischer Studios; Paramount Pictures

Perhaps too big of a star to be here, but this list didn't feel complete without the Marilyn Monroe of the Toon world. Originally an anthropomorphic French poodle, Betty's sexual elements made her very popular with adult audiences, and as a result, she struggled against the mid-1930 laws suppressing suggestive content, yet still came out the other side as the sex-symbol of the Depression era. Hence why she appeared in Who Framed Roger Rabbit and Popeye. Hence why she was voted the 2nd sexiest cartoon character of all time somewhere I read. And hence why one day I will get a tattoo of her on my ribs. All hail The Queen of the Animated Screen, you better recognize.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 35. Abe Oddworld

35. Abe

“My name is Abe. I was employee of the year. Now I’m dead meat."

Created by: Lorne Lanning
Voiced by: Lorne Lanning
First Appearance: Oddworld: Abe's Oddysee (video game, 1997)
Related Companies: Oddworld Inhabitants; GT Interactive

Named after Abraham from the Old Testament, it’s always refreshing to meet a gentle video game hero who doesn’t rely on weaponry to solve his problems, but rather utilizing telekinesis to complete assorted puzzles without hurting anyone. It’s no wonder then that Abe was highly received by critics upon his release, earning much praise from GameSpot, GameDaily,, and GamesRadar. He eventually went on to become one of PlayStation’s unofficial mascots too, so well done there.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 34. Woodstock

34. Woodstock

Gibberish Character

Created by: Charles M. Schulz
Voiced by: Bill Melendez
First Appearance: Peanuts (comic strip, 1967); Snoopy, Come Home (film, 1972)
Related Companies: United Feature Syndicate; Cinema Center Films; Lee Mendelson Films; National General Pictures

Despite being introduced in 1967, Woodstock wasn't named until the early 70’s, when Schulz was reading Life magazine and came across an article about the hippie festival of the same name, and decided this was the perfect moniker for his little yellow guy. In fact, this species-less bird was originally a girl before the decision, but Snoopy didn't seem to mind the sex change. Woodstock was his BFF, everything else was a minor detail. D'ahw!

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 33. Thirty-Thirty

33. Thirty-Thirty

“You know, if you walked a mile in my horse shoes, maybe you'd understand me better.”

Created by: Arthur Nadel; John Grusd; Bob Forward
Voiced by: Ed Gilbert
First Appearance: BraveStarr season 1 episode 1 "The Disappearance of Thirty-Thirty" (series, 1987)
Related Companies: Filmation; Group W Productions; DreamWorks Classics

The last survivor of the Equestroids ancient civilization, this character works as Marshall BraveStarr’s trusty techno horse partner, armed with a quick temper and a massive energy rifle named “Sara Jane”. Reportedly modeled on David Lee Roth, and roughly as strong as “Strength of the Bear”, is why this law-enforcing hero was such an important factor in carrying this animated Space Western straight to the stars (hilarious pun most definitely intended).

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 32. Ducky

32. Ducky

“Yep Yep Yep!”

Created by: Judy Freudberg; Tony Geiss
Voiced by: Judith Barsi (original, amongst others)
First Appearance: The Land Before Time (film, 1988)
Related Companies: Sullivan Bluth Studios; Amblin Entertainment; Lucasfilm (uncredited); Universal Pictures

While I could talk about the amicable, optimistic and naive character of Ducky for hours, it’s 10 year-old voice actress Judith Barsi’s story which really hits the heart valves. As her career progressed after this very film, her father József became increasingly abusive, jealous and paranoid, drinking heavily and threatening her life so many times that she began to develop anti-social patterns, such as: weight gain, plucking her eyelashes, and pulling out her cat’s whiskers. When her mother eventually filed for divorce, József murdered his wife, and then shot Judith in the head while she was sleeping. He spent the next two days wandering aimlessly around the house, then burnt the place down, shooting himself in the head immediately afterwards. Such a tragic end to a huge voice talent who had so much more to offer the world. RIP, Judith.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 31. The BFG

31. The BFG

“But human beans is squishing each other all the time. They is shootling guns and going up in aerioplanes to drop their bombs on each other's heads every week. Human beans is always killing other human beans.”

Created by: Roald Dahl
Voiced by: David Jason
First Appearance: The BFG (novel, 1982); The BFG (film, 1989)
Related Companies: Jonathan Cape; Penguin Books; Cosgrove Hall Films

It’s hard to imagine childhood gold any richer than this. Here is a huge sensitive man with ears so large that he can hear and collect dreams, destroying the bad ones and distributing the good ones to deserving children - not to mention also protecting them from the much meaner giants who intend to eat their insides. Add this with the fact that he farts a lot, and we are left with a magical tale which will be remembered fondly by any adult born in the 80’s.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 30. Earthworm Jim

30. Earthworm Jim

"A dream sequence! Guuuuuhroovy! Bring on the dancing girls!"

Created by: Doug TenNapel; David Perry
Voiced by: Doug TenNapel; Dan Castellaneta
First Appearance: Earthworm Jim (video game, 1994)
Related Companies: Shiny Entertainment; Playmates Interactive Entertainment; Sega Mega Drive/Genesis; AKOM; Kids’ WB; Universal Cartoon Studios

It was originally in a 2D sidescrolling platform game that a super-suit fell on this ordinary earthworm, turning him into a superhero on a mission to save Princess What’s-Her-Name and do other stuff as well. Good concept, no? So good, in fact, that the franchise went on to spawn various sequel games, a TV series, a comic book, and toys, whilst winning many awards along the way. Not to mention all the other fantastic characters my list could have easily picked from the story, such as: Evil the Cat, Queen Slug-for-a-Butt, and Professor Monkey-for-a-Head. Gosh, calm down.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 29. Pillsbury Doughboy

29. Pillsbury Doughboy


Created by: Rudy Perz; Martin Nodell
Voiced by: Paul Frees; Jeff Bergman; JoBe Cerny
First Appearance: Pillsbury Company (commercial, 1965)
Related Companies: Pillsbury Company

Starring in over 600 commercials as the Pillsbury Company mascot, Poppin’ Fresh (real name) has been referenced in multiple other universes, including South Park, The Simpsons, The Big Bang Theory, The Golden Girls, Glee, and The Far Side. But I just dig the way he chuckles every time that human finger pokes his stomach. Gives me ideas.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 28. Squidward Quincy Tentacles

28. Squidward Quincy Tentacles

"Why must every 11 minutes of my life be filled with misery?”

Created by: Stephen Hillenburg
Voiced by: Rodger Bumpass
First Appearance: SpongeBob SquarePants season 1 episode 1 "Help Wanted" (series, 1999)
Related Companies: United Plankton Pictures; Nickelodeon Animation Studios; MTV Networks International

A complex character is this one: cynical and grouchy, yearning for a more glamorous lifestyle as a praised painter or clarinet composer; instead working as the Krusty Krab cashier, miserable and self-loathing, blaming everyone for his misfortune other than himself. But all that aside, the most important question still remains: is Squidward a squid, or an octopus? As it turns out, he is actually an octopus, but creator Stephen Hillenburg stated that Octoward failed to "sound catchy" enough. Lol, it's true.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 27. Mr. Skullhead

27. Mr. Skullhead

Silent Character

Created by: Tom Ruegger
First Appearance: Tiny Toon Adventures season 2 episode 13 “Take Elmyra Please” (series, 1992)
Related Companies: Warner Bros. Animation; Amblin Entertainment; Fox Kids

Despite having first appeared in Tiny Toon Adventures, Mr. Skullhead is perhaps better known as the “Good Idea, Bad Idea” guy in Animaniacs. Narrated by Tom Bodett, these segments usually granted the character some enjoyable mundane activity, shortly before falling victim to an unfortunate incident and injuring himself in the process. Such a sacrifice just to teach our kiddies the dangers of the world - it's highly admirable, like Jesus or something.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 26. Baraka

26. Baraka

"They will taste your flesh!"

Created by: John Tobias
Voiced by: Dan Washington; Bob Carter
First Appearance: Mortal Kombat II (arcade game, 1993)
Related Companies: Midway; Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment

With a name that ironically means “blessed” (Arabic) or “peace” (Swahili), and a body based on a Nosferatu mask mixed with Marvel’s own Wolverine, the scariest aspect of Baraka is that he is part of the Tarkatan race, in which they all look exactly the same. Meaning: there are thousands of these fucking things! No wonder GameDaily rated him as the 12th Top Badie, as well as the 3rd Ugliest Character Of All Time, dude's freaky.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 25. Chairface Chippendale

25. Chairface Chippendale

“I haven't always had friends like you, because I was born... different.“

Created by: Ben Edlund
Voiced by: Tony Jay
First Appearance: The Tick issue 7 “The Moon Menace” (comic, 1990); The Tick season 1 episode 2 “The Tick vs. Chairface Chippendale" (series, 1994)
Related Companies: New England Comics; Sunbow Entertainment; Graz; Fox Children's Productions

Not too much is known about this cunning criminal, except that he was born with a chair instead of a head, and is very bitter and resentful about this defect. As a result, he turned to crime, rising up the villain chain to become one of The Tick’s most worthy adversaries. But perhaps his greatest achievement came when he attempted to write his name on the moon. He only managed the first 3 letters (CHA), granted, but they stayed there for the remainder of the series, which is still something to be proud of.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 24. Krang

24. Krang

"I shouldn't have joined forces with a ninja. Next time I conquer a planet, I'm using an accountant."

Created by: Ryan Brown; Steve Murphy; Kevin Eastman; Peter Laird
Voiced by: Pat Fraley
First Appearance: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles season 1 episode 2 "Enter the Shredder" (series, 1987)
Related Companies: Archie Comics; Murakami Wolf Swenson; Fred Wolf Films; Mirage Studios; Surge Licensing

Banished from Dimension X and stripped of his body, the genius Krang was lucky enough to meet Shredder, who helped him build a human-shaped exo-suit which could produce weapons and wings at will. Such an unsettling concept is why this character was one of the main Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles supervillains, predominantly featuring in the comics, animated series, video games, and even some collectable figurines. He's kinda cute too, in that exposed brain sorta way (which is a thing).

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 23. John Herbert (Family Guy)

23. John Herbert

"And don't you mouth off to me, or I'm going to slap you right in your penis."

Created by: Mike Henry; Seth MacFarlane
Voiced by: Mike Henry
First Appearance: Family Guy season 3 episode 12 "To Love and Die in Dixie" (series, 2001)
Related Companies: Fuzzy Door Productions; 20th Century Fox Television

The original concept for Herbert came with the voice. First used by Mike Henry to scold Family Guy writers when they couldn’t come up with new ideas, its distinctive high pitched mumbles and whistles were so hilarious to Seth MacFarlane that he adapted the voice into this character. No idea how Herbert evolved into a paedophile with a crippled dog, but I guess that’s show business.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 22. Eeyore

22. Eeyore

"Thanks for noticing me."

Created by: A. A. Milne
Voiced by: Ralph Wright; Peter Cullen; Bud Luckey (amongst others)
First Appearance: Winnie-the-Pooh (novel, 1926); Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree (film, 1966)
Related Companies: Publisher Methuen & Co. Ltd.; The Walt Disney Company

As Winnie-the-Pooh’s most gloomy and sarcastic friend, it will always be the Disney adaptation of this onomatopoeically named character which stands out the most in my memory, despite the fact that the Estates of A. A. Milne (including the real Christopher Robin himself) were not always ecstatic about these interpretations. Neither was Eeyore, I'm guessing.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 21. Misty

21. Misty

"Sometimes I look at that Psyduck's face and I get a headache."

Created by: Satoshi Tajiri
Voiced by: Rachael Lillis; Michele Knotz; Mayumi Iizuka
First Appearance: Pokémon Red (video game, 1996); Pokémon season 1 episode 1 “Pokémon - I Choose You!” (anime, 1997)
Related Companies: Nintendo; OLM, Inc

Originally a much different design in the video games, it was the anime version of this girl which captured most of our attention - especially the younger female audience, who viewed Misty as a positive role model, neither "butch" nor "dizzily feminine" like most other characters in her genre. Personally, I am in love with her, and one of my biggest dreams is to date a Misty cosplay girl who never breaks character.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 20. Turnip-Head

20. Turnip-Head

“I had been turned into turnip head.”

Created by: Diana Wynne Jones
Voiced by: Crispin Freeman (as the Prince)
First Appearance: Howl's Moving Castle (as the scarecrow; novel, 1986); Howl's Moving Castle (film, 2004)
Related Companies: Studio Ghibli; Greenwillow Books; Methuen; Toho; Walt Disney Pictures

Initially a silent character, this scarecrow-type creature may have been creepily fixated on our hero Sophie, but justified it by being such a helpful bloke, like when he found her that cane, or lending her a hand with the washing, or even breaking himself whilst trying to prevent the group from sliding off a cliff. However, he had ulterior motives, only being so nice in hopes for a kiss, which would break his curse, turning him back into a Prince and allowing him to save his kingdom from the war. Off you go then.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 19. GIR

19. GIR

“Can I be a mongoose dog?”

Created by: Jhonen Vasquez
Voiced by: Rosearik Rikki Simons
First Appearance: Invader Zim season 1 episode 1 “The Nightmare Begins” (series, 2001)
Related Companies: Nickelodeon; Nicktoons

This dimwitted robot made entirely from trash items is best known as Invader Zim’s side-kick, standing in great contrast to his alien master's distate for human culture, living a much more upbeat and friendly existence, and winning an Emmy in the process. But when his dysfunctional eyes turn from green to red, know that he means business. And when he poorly disguises himself as a dog, know he means something else entirely. Did I mention he is a great dancer?

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 18. Lobo

18. Lobo

“I killed every living thing on Czarnia fer fun. I killed Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny an' things that don't even exist.”

Created by: Roger Slifer; Keith Giffen
Voiced by: Brad Garrett
First Appearance: Omega Men issue #3 (comic, 1983); Superman: The Animated Series season 1 episode 9 "The Main Man, Part 1" (series, 1996)
Related Companies: DC Comics

Originally intended as an over-the-top parody of Marvel Comics’ Wolverine, nobody expected this highly violent, womanizing alcoholic to become as popular as he did. But he did. So much so, that the biggest comic book writer of all time, Stan Lee, called Lobo his favourite DC character ever, which is a pretty big fucking deal. This is why Lobo's influence to the comic book universe has been massive since his creation, already having fictional encounters with Superman, Batman, Wolverine, Aquaman, Green Lantern, Captain Marvel, Wonder Woman, Supergirl, Superboy, The Mask and Judge Dredd... to name a few.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 17. Hatsune Miku

17. Hatsune Miku

“Now, drink it! You like it, don't you? Vegetable juice, I've decided. I've decided just now.”

Created by: Kei Garō; Crypton Future Media
Voiced by: Saki Fujita (sampled)
First Appearance: Vocaloid 2 Package (program, 2007)
Related Companies: Crypton Future Media

A very interest entry this one, as 16 year old Hatsune is 100% fan controlled and personality free. She is a singing synthesizer application, allowing musicians to sample her voice and force her to say whatever they want within their own musical creations. Such an original concept proved very popular indeed, as the program sold over 57,500,000 yen worth in 2007, making it the most bought software of the time, and resulting in over 100,000 songs to her name. She has had number one hits, performed sold-out live 3D shows, and has starred in various other unofficial anime and games, pushing her into full-fledged real-life superstardom, above what most fictional characters could ever boast to their name.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 16. Katie (Horton Hears a Who)

16. Katie

"In my world, everyone's pony, and they all eat rainbows and poop out butterflies."

Created by: Cinco Paul; Ken Daurio
Voiced by: Joey King
First Appearance: Horton Hears a Who! (film, 2008)
Related Companies: 20th Century Fox Animation; Blue Sky Studios

While this movie was based on the Dr. Seuss’ book of the same name, Katie unfortunately did not appear in that original version of the story. However, as an abnormally yellow yak with a row of small sharp teeth, I’m sure even the Doctor would approve.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 15. Mr. Garrison

15. Mr. Herbert Garrison

“Well, I’m sorry, Wendy. But I just don’t trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn’t die.”

Created by: Trey Parker; Matt Stone
Voiced by: Trey Parker
First Appearance: South Park season 1 episode 1 “Cartman Gets an Anal Probe” (series, 1997)
Related Companies: Comedy Central

Mr. Garrison is a complex individual, having gone from a vicious homophobe; to a closet homosexual; to a pedophile; to a proud homosexual; to having a sex change to become a woman; to turning lesbian; and then back into a homosexual male once again. But with all his sexual identity crises, racist tendencies, and multiple personality disorders, it is interesting to note that the core of all his mental problems stem from childhood molestation issues dealing with his father. That is to say, his dad never molested him, and therefore couldn't have loved him all that much. Oh man, I relate.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 14. Spawn

14. Spawn

“You sent me to Hell, Jason. I'm here to return the favor.”

Created by: Todd McFarlane
Voiced by: Keith David
First Appearance: Malibu Sun #13 (comic, 1992); Todd McFarlane's Spawn season 1 episode 1 “Burning Visions” (series, 1997)
Related Companies: Image Comics; HBO

Popularity for this character has waned, but back in the day the concept of a dead CIA agent making a deal with the Devil to see his wife one last time (now equipped with a ridiculous list of ever-fluctuating powers and tortured by heartache), was enough to win countless awards and sell millions of comics, as well as going on to become a terrible feature film, an animated series, and a bunch of highly acclaimed toys with quality unchallenged in the industry. In fact, the character was so popular, you may even find him in other unlikely universes, such as with Archie and Sonic The Hedgehog. Hail Satan.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 13. Catbus

13. Catbus

Silent Character

Created by: Hayao Miyazaki
First Appearance: My Neighbor Totoro (film, 1988)
Related Companies: Studio Ghibli; Toho

With its multiple caterpillar-like legs and Cheshire Cat smile, this is one mode of transport I wouldn’t entirely trust, yet would definitely appreciate it getting me there on time. Leaping over forests and lakes with mininimal effort is just the type of magic only a Ghibli character could achieve, which is why Catbus went on to become a popular plush toy as well as starring in his very own short film Mei and the Kittenbus. More obsessive fans have even modified their cars to look like him, so there’s that too.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 12. Hello Kitty

12. Hello Kitty

"Happiness comes in all colours of the rainbow!"

Created by: Yuko Shimizu
Voiced by: Tara Charandoff
First Appearance: Vinyl coin purse (1974); Hello Kitty's Furry Tale Theater season 1 episode 1 “The Wizard Of Paws” (series, 1987)
Related Companies: Saniro; CBS; DIC Entertainment; MGM/UA Television

Such a huge staple of global culture, Hello Kitty products are said to fetch $5 billion a year, which isn’t surprising as the phenomenon is featured on school supplies, fashion accessories, dolls, stickers, greeting cards, clothes, toasters, massagers, wines, Visa debit cards, computer equipment, and jets. She even has two Japanese theme parks, a restaurant, and a maternity hospital completely devoted to her, and leads countless animes, TV shows, musical releases and video games. But any doubt to her popularity should be swayed by two interesting events: (1) when Hello Kitty was named the ambassador of Japanese tourism, marking the first time the ministry had appointed a fictional character to the role; and (2) when, in 1999 Hong Kong, the brutal Hello Kitty murder took place, where the killer inserted his victim's head into a Hello Kitty doll after decapitating her. WHERE'S YOUR CHILDHOOD NOW?

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 11. Jessica Rabbit

11. Jessica Rabbit

"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way."

Created by: Gary K. Wolf
Voiced by: Kathleen Turner (speaking); Amy Irving (singing)
First Appearance: Who Censored Roger Rabbit? (novel, 1981); Who Framed Roger Rabbit (film, 1988)
Related Companies: St. Martin’s Press; Walt Disney Productions; Touchstone Pictures; Amblin Entertainment

As Roger’s human-toon wife in the only animated/live action film to win four Academy Awards, this is probably the biggest cartoon sex-symbol of all time. Based on Veronica Lake, Rita Hayworth, Lauren Bacall, Julie London, and Tex Avery's Red Hot Riding Hood; her sultry mannerisms, impossibly exaggerated figure and seductive voice is why Jessica was selected as one of The 100 Greatest Movie Characters of All Time by Empire Magazine; why Jessica was voted in a 1000 person poll as the Sexiest Cartoon Character of All Time; and why people continue to get plastic surgery just to look remotely like her to this day.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 10. Emmitt Nervend

10. Emmitt Nervend

Silent Character

Created by: Bruce Timm; Paul Dini
First Appearance: Freakazoid! season 1 episode 1 “Five Day Forecast/The Dance of Doom/Handman” (series, 1995)
Related Companies: Amblin Entertainment; Warner Bros. Animation

An elusive and generally unknown character, Emmitt is featured in every single episode of Freakazoid!, but only for a few frames at a time, playing no important role other than to smile silently at the camera. The end credits of each show reveal how many times Nervend can be spotted during said episode, which grants bored fans something else to do for the rest of their lonely day. It's kinda like Where's Wally, except cooler.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 9. Frieza

9. Frieza

“I am Frieza, the most powerful being in the Universe. And you are nothing but a monkey.”

Created by: Akira Toriyama
Voiced by: Ryūsei Nakao; Eddie Frierson; Pauline Newstone; Linda Young; Christopher Ayres; Maureen Jones
First Appearance: Dragon Ball Z volume 5 “Planet Namek, Cold and Dark” (manga, 1990); Dragon Ball Z season 2 episode 5 “Brood of Evil” (anime, 1990)
Related Companies: Shueisha; Cartoon Network (Toonami)

It is said that Frieza’s fourth and most powerful form is actually his most basic state, the others merely a result of suppressing the full beast. But even by looking at this character's original structure, all menacing and androgynous and shit, it's no surprise to find out that Toriyama designed Frieza as an amalgamation of what he thought monsters looked like in his youth.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 8. The Black Rabbit of Inlè

8. The Black Rabbit of Inlè

“You've been feeling tired, haven't you? If you're ready, we might go along now.”

Created by: Richard Adams
Voiced by: Joss Ackland
First Appearance: Watership Down (novel, 1972); Watership Down (film, 1978)
Related Companies: Rex Collings; Studio Nepenthe Productions

As the bunny equivalent of the Grim Reaper, the Moon (Inlé) Rabbit’s sole purpose is to take other rabbits away at their predestined time of death. Folklore has it that he lives in a warren of stone on earth, inhabited by dead bunnies and filled with disease and sadness beyond imagination. Hence why this so-called “kiddies” movie should not be viewed by kiddies at all, because it fucked me up, man. It fucked me up badly.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 7. Baby Face, Toy Story

7. Baby Face

Silent Character

Created by: John Lasseter; Andrew Stanton; Joel Cohen; Alec Sokolow; Joss Whedon
First Appearance: Toy Story (film, 1995)
Related Companies: Walt Disney Pictures; Pixar

Constructed from a baby doll head and an erector set, this character (also known as Spider Baby) is the leader of Sid's mutant toys. But do not be fooled by his terrifying nightmarish qualities, as he is a good guy deep down, fixing other toys and aiding Woody on his quest. He even made a cameo in Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends, so don't feel you need to sleep at night with one eye open anymore. Because Baby Face is already doing that.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 6. Apocalypse, X-Men

6. Apocalypse

“I am the rocks of the eternal shore. Crash against me and be broken!”

Created by: Louise Simonson; Walter Simonson
Voiced by: John Colicos; James Blendick; David Kaye
First Appearance: X-Factor #5 “Tapped Out” (comic, 1986); X-Men season 1 episode 8 “The Cure” (series, 1993)
Related Companies: Marvel Studios; Saban Entertainment, Inc.

The list of powers from this ferociously intelligent and intensely dangerous supervillain is exhausting, but includes some shit like: total control over his molecules; changing his body shape and size freely (even turning his arms into weapons or growing wings if he so feels like it); the ability to project and absorb energy; not relying on any sustenance to live; telepathy; telekinesis; and not to mention immortality and immunity to aging. All of this is why he was rated as one of the highest X-Men’s adversaries by Marvel themselves, and why I hate being human.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 5. Hubert Cumberdale

5. Hubert Cumberdale

Silent Character

Created by: David Firth
First Appearance: Salad Fingers episode 2 “Friends” (flash short, 2004)
Related Companies: Fat-Pie

Not too much is known about Salad Fingers’ finger puppet, except that he might be an immigrant; he enjoys getting his hair dried; he is sometimes known as Barbara Logan-Price; and he tastes like soot and poo. Moving along then.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 4. Uncle Grandfather

4. Uncle Grandfather

“Get your meat face out of my apartment, you balding baldy.”

Created by: Mike Lazzo; Matt Harrigan; Matt Maiellaro
Voiced by: Matt Maiellaro
First Appearance: Perfect Hair Forever season 1 episode 1 “Pilot” (series, 2004)
Related Companies: Adult Swim

In a unique plot revolving around a young boy on a quest to remedy his premature baldness (coming into contact with a flying hot dog, a fat man in a catsuit, and a tornado suffering from dissociative identity disorder as he does so), it is Uncle Grandfather who really makes me happy. Filling his pot-belly with fast food, sexually harassing his assistant Brenda, and reading pornography whilst sporting a stereotypical Asian speech impediment, are just some of the reasons why this dirty old man changed my life and made me who I am today (I am an old overweight Japanese man).

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 3. Feathers McGraw

3. Feathers McGraw

Silent Character

Created by: Nick Park; Bob Baker
First Appearance: Wallace and Gromit in The Wrong Trousers (film, 1993)
Related Companies: Aardman Animations; BBC (UK); Universal Pictures (USA)

You can’t really beat a claymation penguin diamond thief who disguises himself as a chicken by placing a rubber glove on his head, which is why this character has appeared or been mentioned in at least 4 other Wallace and Gromit features since his introduction, as well as in the unrelated Canadian series ReBoot. Never a trust a penguin that can afford rent, man, that's the first thing they teach you.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 2. Nyan Cat

2. Nyan Cat

Silent Character

Created by: Christopher Torres
First Appearance: LOL-Comics (animated gif, 2011); Nyan Cat (YouTube video, 2011)
Related Companies: LOL-Comics

The 9th biggest viral video of 2011 (according to Business Insider) presented itself as a combination between Torres’ animated Pop Tart Cat (based on his dead pet Marty) and video site Nico Nico Douga user Daniwell, with his "Nyanyanyanyanyanyanya!" song (created using the aforementioned Hatsune Miku vocaliod; “nyā” being the Japanese version of “meow”) which was then remixed by another user, Momomomo. The brilliant connection of it all was made by YouTube's Sara saraj00n, and BOOM, history was made, going on to rack up roughly 97,000,000 views since its birth. I don't care what you say, it means the world to me.

The Top 50 Animated Characters Ever: 1. No-Face

1. No-Face

“Try this. It's delicious. Want some gold? I'm not giving it to anybody else.”

Created by: Hayao Miyazaki
Voiced by: Akio Nakamura (Japanese); Bob Bergen (English)
First Appearance: Spirited Away (film, 2001)
Related Companies: Studio Ghibli; Walt Disney Pictures

Officially known as Kaonashi (“faceless”), it is theorized that No-Face encompasses all the negative traits from those who he swallows, working as a symbol of excess and greed within the context of the film. But underneath it all, he is a lonely spirit, craving attention from Chihiro, desperate to impress her with his ability to create gold from thin air, or to eat gluttonous amounts of food without ever satisfying his hunger. Overwhelming, scary, and heartbreaking, all results in arguably the best character ever made, from the best movie ever made, by the best studio ever made, ever ever ever.