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Wednesday 25 November 2015

The 10 Best Album Cover Artworks of 2015

(according to me)


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 10. Oceans Ate Alaska - Lost Isles

10. Oceans Ate Alaska - Lost Isles

Couldn't find any interesting information about this piece, sorry guys. It's a jellyfish, tho, so that's pretty cool. It does look a bit phallic from a distance now that you mention it, thanks pervert.


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 09. Matt Nathanson - Show Me Your Fangs

09. Matt Nathanson - Show Me Your Fangs

Angela Deane has this creepy thing she likes to do, where she paints over existing photos, almost erasing human beings with White-Out, turning them into ghosts. Seriously, she does this all time, look, it’s the type of project I'd imagine serial killers to partake in. That said, it is fucking rad, and Matt Nathanson thought so too, as he accidentally stumbled upon Angela’s work on tumblr and hired her immediately to make his record cover. I wish I was a serial killer, I'd probably make more money.


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 08. Butcher Babies - Take It Like a Man

08. Butcher Babies - Take It Like a Man

This band is generic nü-metalcore at best, but I do appreciate the seemingly paradoxical approach that follows them around. In a decidedly testosterone filled genre, this band is fronted by two ladies. And yet despite all the blood and murder and horror and ugliness they scream about, they are incredibly sexy in an almost typical alternative cheerleader type of way. But then in the midst of all this prominent female confrontation, they called their album Take it Like a Man. Except they put a little girl in an innocent pink dress on the cover. Except the girl is wearing a viking helmet. And they are called Butcher Babies. Deep.


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 07. Ghost Bath - Moonlover

07. Ghost Bath - Moonlover

There are multiple reasons as to why above artwork should not be on this list. First of all, it’s a complete cheat, as this image is nothing more than a stolen 1957 art piece from postmodern Guatemalan photographer Luis González Palma, titled La Luna. Second of all, the band is often accused of ripping everything they know from Deafheaven, including their sound and even this image, which does look suspiciously similar to one of the Sunbather tour posters. And finally, it’s kind of a cliché idea at the end of the day: a moody black and white topless women style, ooooh, scary and profound. However, boobs and moons and stuff, so here we are.


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 06. Strange Wilds - Subjective Concepts

06. Strange Wilds - Subjective Concepts

For a lead singer of one complete Nirvana rip-off band, Steven Serna sure likes to talk a lot. Thankfully for me, this means I don't have to say anything. Take it away, Steven: “I went to walk along a concrete curb (...) and while I was balancing I suddenly had this thought of what if this was the edge of a tall building. And then right after that thought I was like ‘Dang, that could be a cool record cover’. (...) The picture was taken by photographer David Belisle (...) [he’s] done a lot of photos of R.E.M. and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, so it was a real treat that he wanted to work with us (...) some people have expressed they feel uneasy looking at [the cover art], and that is kind of what we were going for. That sense of standing on the edge, or even more so running along the edge and losing balance (...) everything we’ve been getting into by signing to Sub Pop is brand new territory to us and it can feel like walking on the edge sometimes. As cheesy as that sounds.”
Yup, sounds pretty cheesy, but it looks great.


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 05. Sulphur Aeon - Gateway to the Antisphere

05. Sulphur Aeon - Gateway to the Antisphere

After Ola Larsson provided such incredibly impressive artwork for Sulphur Aeon’s debut album, it only made sense for the band to continue paying moneys to keep his imaginative creations on their side. And, damn, isn't this some exceptional art right here. What’s even cooler, is that Ola was kind enough to share the whole process with his fans on Facebook, starting from a rough sketch supplied by the band, right until his masterpiece was complete. It’s no wonder, then, that the group stated “there’s a whole bunch of talented artists, but we think Ola is the one artist for us”. Bless!


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 04. Blanck Mass - Dumb Flesh

04. Blanck Mass - Dumb Flesh

When you want an image which is as perfect as your title, who do you turn to? You turn to Alex de Mora. When you want an artist who has done portraits for some of the biggest names in hipster music (such as Purity Ring, Eagles of Death Metal, MF DOOM, Arctic Monkeys) and cultural history (Hulk Hogan, The actual Queen), who do you turn to? You turn to Alex de Mora. When you want an image made out of body parts but in a creepy, uncertain, illogical way, who do you turn to? Well, to be fair, you should probably turn to Chris Cunningham. But Alex de Mora did a good job as well. Costs less too, I'd imagine.


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 03. Marika Hackman - We Slept at Last

03. Marika Hackman - We Slept at Last

“The artwork’s always important to me, with any record. With this, I saw that image by Glen Erler—the girl on the bed, the cover art—and he’s been one of my favourite photographers for the last five years. I was like, ‘I’ve got to have that picture’. I hate naming things but as soon as I saw that, I knew to call the album We Slept At Last. It was the first thing that jumped out at me, it hit me right in the core.”
Same.


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 02. Pyramids - A Northern Meadow

02. Pyramids - A Northern Meadow

This group has a decent reputation for album covers (see their debut, it’s even better) and so there may have been a little bit of pressure on photographer Scout Pare Phillips to deliver an a-grade product. Although, probably not really, because he once shot a music video for Jack White, and who are Pyramids anyway? Whatever, I reeeeally want to stick my hair against the wall right now.


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 01. Dilly Dally - Desire [Single]

01. Dilly Dally - Desire [Single]

In order to fully understand this Donovan Brien image, one must first admire the cover for Dilly Dally’s debut album, Sore. According to lead vocalist Katie Monks, she had a “vision. The oversized hunk of jewelry on a girls tongue. Pink glossy lips. Almost like a make-up commercial gone wrong. Very empowering, and sexy to me. I knew it had to be the cover of our album.” From this, I deduce the above Desire art to be the sequel of that idea, as this injured tongue has met the ice cream and left its bloody mark. Furthermore, the image for their second single Purple Rage is a continuation of this story, as the eager mouth could not help itself, and an even worse mess has infected the cone. This is all presumption, of course, I could be wrong. Either way, a bloody ice cream is pretty (and) hardcore.


Five Other Brilliants
Faith Healer - Cosmic Troubles
Kendrick Lamar - To Pimp a Butterfly
Purity Ring - Another Eternity
Petite Noir - La Vie Est Belle / Life Is Beautiful
Stealing Sheep - Not Real


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014
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Wednesday 18 November 2015

The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2015

(according to me)


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 10. Du Blonde - Welcome Back to Milk

10. Du Blonde - Welcome Back to Milk

Du Blonde has said that this artwork’s “intention was not a sexual one,” and in that case, it was a complete success. She went on to elaborate that she refused the use of Photoshop, stating “I spent so many of my younger years worried about stretch marks and cellulite that it felt good to finally be in a position to say 'I don’t care',” which is admirable and empowering but her bush is really freaking me out.


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 09. Raekwon - Fly International Luxurious Art

09. Raekwon - Fly International Luxurious Art

Raekwon justified this John Newsom monstrosity by calling himself “monumental”; highlighting how a griffin means “good luck”; emphasising that the lion aspect is because he’s “in the jungle”; and that the all important “wings of life” represent how the rapper has “flown over many, many different places and left my mark”. Basically, he's just rambling like a crazy person. He concluded that when he “first put [the artwork] out, people were in awe because they didn’t understand, but now they get it. They love it.” But are you sure about that, Raekwon? Because I get it. And I don't love it. I don’t love it at all.


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 08. Action Bronson - Mr. Wonderful

08. Action Bronson - Mr. Wonderful

Action Bronson’s in-house designer, FRKO, has done a few cool things in his career, including this one time when he created an image of Venom giving a rimjob, which I approve of. But this particular album artwork is shit for the following three reasons: (1) Action isn’t even facing the 'camera', which some may forgive as being 'arty', but I don't buy that because it looks like an MSPaint job, and you can't say 'Action Bronson' and 'arty' in the same sentence; (2) Action is far too fat to even do the splits, so it’s all one big LIE; and (3) Mr. Wonderful is a very stupid and unoriginal name for an album anyway, especially because Action Bronson isn’t even that wonderful to begin with.


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 07. Cherry Garcia - Vine Of Souls

07. Cherry Garcia - Vine Of Souls

It’s really difficult to find any information about this piece, which is blatantly because whoever was responsible for the design has gone into hiding. Please note the Illuminati symbol, and how the artist likes to stick woman’s eyes over his face just like my uncle used to do. NO, UNCLE, DON’T!


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 06. The Phoenix Foundation - Give Up Your Dreams

06. The Phoenix Foundation - Give Up Your Dreams

Following on quite nicely from Cherry Garcia, this Rosie Scott creation is weirdly similar to that last piece of crap. Once again, please notice the Illuminati symbol. Now please notice the sky. Now please notice the illogical reflections of everything. Now please notice how terrible this is. What is it even supposed to be? A 3D modeling example from the weakest child in class? Give up on your dreams is fairly apt advice, kid.


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: MID BONUS: Wilco - Star Wars

MID BLOG BONUS: Wilco - Star Wars

Not an official entry, but I could not go on any further without mentioning this godawful/godawesome artwork from Wilco. I mean, there’s a cat. And they called it Star Wars. That’s pure clickbait gold right there, so much so that it’s almost a cheap shot. Is it the dumbest thing ever? Or is it the smartest? Please advise.


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 05. Duran Duran - Paper God

05. Duran Duran - Paper Gods

All sarcasm aside, this is legitimately a good idea: stickers designed by Brian Roettinger (who’s worked with the likes of Jay-Z, St Vincent, and Mark Ronson, to name very few), all slapped on top of an Alex Israel backdrop painting, in hopes of accurately representing highlights from the band’s career. Look! There’s the lips from Rio! Or The Chauffeur’s cap! Or the sumo wrestler from Girls on Film! Or a Skin Trade silhouette! Or a Perfect Day ice cream! Or other stuff too! I'm so bored of writing! I'm not convincing anyone! This doesn’t work! I wouldn’t buy it! I haven't even listened to it! Apparently it's not very good!


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 04. Tyler, the Creator - Cherry Bomb

04. Tyler, the Creator - Cherry Bomb

This artwork is only one of the five available Cherry Bomb covers out there (and to be fair, the version where he’s pissed himself is pretty funny), but the above cheap marker-pen scribble is almost as messy as the music within, and that's saying a lot.


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 03. Jamie Woon Making Time

03. Jamie Woon - Making Time

I remember the first time I used Photoshop. WHAT THE FUCK, JAMIE.


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 02. Lapko - Freedom

02. Lapko - Freedom

Design duo Rairai put this together, and I totally get it. It’s like, uhm, when you lie down and then place your knees by your ears, right? And then you like, look up at the sky through your legs with your bum proudly pointed towards the heavens, because, uhm freedom. You’re essentially mooning God, I think that’s the message here. It's hard to be inspired to write these bits when the images are so atrocious, I hope you appreciate that.


The 10 Worst Album Cover Artworks of 2014: 01. Peaches - RUB

01. Peaches - RUB

Excellent photographer Daria Marchik took this incriminating shot, and then I can only assume someone with tiny hands attacked it with the Photoshop clone tool until we have an image as uncomfortable and cringy as Peach’s subject matter. But, hey, at least she doesn’t have a beard anymore, so we are getting somewhere.


Five Other Terribles
The Darkness - Last of Our Kind
John Grant - Grey Tickles, Black Pressure
Miguel - Wildheart
Tech N9ne - Special Effects
tricot - A N D


The 10 Best Album Cover Artworks of 2014
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Friday 6 November 2015

10 Reasons to Become Vegetarian

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