For those who don't know, there was a brief period in the 90s when Fiona was up there with the most famous singers in the world. Her sleepy doe-eyes sold magazine covers that insulted her inside their pages. Her public rejection of the superficial popstar scene slammed more business doors than they opened. By every account, it was a stressful time for poor Fiona, and she learned very early on that the heat from the spotlight was not for her. So she retracted her head into her shell, and the years fell away. The general population moved on to younger stars while her true fanatics chewed their fingernails impatiently. Truthfully, the life of a Fiona groupie is a tortuous affair.
That said, there is a monumental advantage to such creative restraint. Fiona Apple is one of the handful of musicians who can genuinely boast that they've built the perfect discography beneath them. Over the last 28 years, Apple has only blessed us with five albums, and while we are starving, we cannot deny that each has been cripsy fresh and delicious. Moreover, her offerings have never withered as trends expired due to Fiona's raw honesty, which reflects the authentic human within. She harnesses an unmatched ability to evolve her craft away from the mundane chart toppers by refusing to repeat her sound, only nurturing her themes as she matures with them. And you know what that equates to? Not a bad song on record. Not a single one.
I have spent the previous seven months listening to Fiona Apple non-stop. As a music writer, it is a tricky part of the job which, more often than not, overexposes what I once loved until I hate it. However, what I can say about Apple is something I cannot say about any other example: I never felt weary when revisiting her catalogue. On the contrary, I'd happily do it again right now. I don't care who's around. I'll tear the plug from whatever album you're playing and shove apples down your throat until you love them. Ask my friends if you think I'm joking.
Still, even on a landscape void of blemishes, everyone has their favourite views, right? And that's what this article is about. It's about me! Me and Fiona Apple! My ordered list of her records from worst to best! Opinions are like assholes! Here is mine, asshole:
05. Tidal
Piano Rock23 July 1996
Spotify
Multiple elements within Fiona's debut make it her most impressive project on tap, with jounalists specifically obsessed with how young she was when it was released. Nineteen! What were you doing when you were nineteen? Not making hit records, I presume. Yet, somehow, an ancient soul escaped her throat, dripping relationship wisdom from such profound experience that even I, as an old man, have never felt what she claims to have felt.
So when you fuse this advanced romantic knowledge with Apple's undeniable attractiveness desaturated in miserably sultry videos, BAM! You have just created the perfect allure of Tidal, shipping more copies than anything else she's done since. Indeed, when the majority of casual fans contemplate her craft, these songs are their go-to choices ("Criminal", anyone?).
Except these components work against Fiona's favour. Sure, everyone loves a youthfully depressed superstar. But while her maturity extended beyond her years, her personality was still under development, and the quirk with which big fans have grown to adore is noticeably absent in this album. Furthermore, the powerful singles were almost too strong, meaning the journey features high peaks and lower valleys while taking too long to get from one to the other. And, finally, Andrew Slater's production? It's weak. That's right, I said it. I'm glad he was never granted the drver's seat again.
Nevertheless, what's important to note about Tidal is that it was a complete package straight out the door, setting the foundations for a lengthy career ahead. And if this is my least favourite in her collection, then my god! How talented is she??
"When I did Tidal, it was more for the sake of proving myself. Telling people from my past something. And to also try to get friends for the future."
– Fiona Apple
– Fiona Apple
04. Extraordinary Machine
Alternative Piano Art Pop Rock4 October 2005
Spotify
Undoubtedly, Extraordinary Machine is Fiona's most underrated record, primarily due to the confusing timeline tangling before its release. Without going into the endless backstory of what happened (read the book for that tale), just know there are two distinct versions of this album out there.
The first was the leaked project, produced by Jon Brion. With wacky instrumentation and layers of details, no one could deny it was one helluva exciting listen. But according to everyone who mattered, Brion's flashy artistry dominated the show despite Fiona's name on the cover. That is why these songs are unofficial: Fiona was unsatisfied. And I appreciate her stance because, simply, it was not hers.
Far closer to the Fiona we love was the eventual authorised release, produced by Mike Elizondo. Here, the over-clutter of Brion's intricacies were stripped away, creating space around the rightful centrepiece of Fiona's vocals. Unfortunately, the problem arose where nobody could agree on which version was better, with many arguments between parties throwing their tastes all over the place. But what do I think? Me me me! Well... I think... some songs are better on the leaked one and some are better on the official one. BUT! As a whole, I prefer Fiona's choices the most.
None of this matters! The debate has gone on long enough! Can't you guys see? Don't you get it? Extraordinary Machine is an Extraordinary Record where Fiona's genius songwriting and silly sense of humour reached heights higher than any that came before. And, you know what else? We have TWO VERSIONS of that! TWO! We should be celebrating! Tonight! At my place!
"It's called Extraordinary Machine because that was kind of like my hopeful pet name for myself. Give me anything, be mean to me, do whatever, anything life, do whatever. And it'll go through me, and it'll come out something nice."
– Fiona Apple
– Fiona Apple
03. When the Pawn
Alternative Piano Rock9 November 1999
Spotify
If Extraordinary Machine is Fiona's most underrated affair, then her sophomore, When the Pawn, must surely be her most overlooked. The reason for such a TRAVESTY was the lack of gigantic singles like those found on Tidal; hence, the record whooshed over the heads of casual Fiona fans and lazy MTV viewers alike.
But those of us who managed to snatch the airways discovered a secret treasure sitting in our palms: a collection of songs that not only bounded Apple's craft forward but also shone brightly from an exciting production gleam missing from before. Hello, John Brion! What sharp ears you've got there! What a genius musical understanding, too! All the better!
Rest assured that whatever you may have thought about Tidal, When the Pawn was all those things, except evolved away from her gloomy reputation into something far more confident, playful, and consistent. Without any doubt, this was the first album where Fiona Apple sounded like fucking FIONA APPLE because that's precisely what it was. Fucking FIONA APPLE, mate!
"I told people for a while that I wasn't sure I was even gonna have a second album. I was real afraid that I wasn't gonna be able to write like on the road because I have weird rituals and everything. I can't write if anyone else is within an 80-mile surrounding. But I've been writing a lot. It's all in my head, though, because I can't play piano on the road. So I'm really frustrated because I just want to be able to, like, make it actually a tangible thing. To be able to like to hear it and play it and stuff and it's all here now. So it's kind of driving me crazy."
– Fiona Apple
– Fiona Apple
02. Fetch the Bolt Cutters
Progressive Art Pop17 April 2020
Spotify
If you're ever lacking faith in the connection between music critics and the greater musical climate, Fiona's fifth (and most recent) album, Fetch the Bolt Cutters, may stand as the industry's most promising saviour. Everyone from Consequence of Sound to Entertainment Weekly, from The Guardian to The New York Times, anointed it as The Best Record of 2020, no questions asked. Meanwhile, Pitchfork went even further, granting it full marks—the first time they had done so since 2010, and remaining the last such score to this day.
However, what makes this achievement so unbelievably remarkable is that Bolt Cutters is Fiona at her peak experimentation and, therefore, most challenging to digest. It's a potholed ride with rough mistakes and an even rougher production value because she did it all herself, working from home. Yet ask anyone, and they'll tell you that the sloppiness is part of its charm. Her strange percussion-heavy time signatures and passionate hooks had no care for perfection, which is profoundly the point! Life isn't perfect, buddy! And once you accept that, everything becomes perfect within those very imperfections. You can learn a lot from this record, actually.
"I haven't looked at stuff, but I know it was received well. Knowing that, and knowing how many fuck ups there are, and how imperfect everything is on it—I feel like I'm in a good relationship with the world. I feel like I showed up for a date with no makeup on, like I banged my head and I lost my tooth, and I showed up bloody and wearing half a T-shirt and one sock, and my date went, 'Hey, I like you, come on let's go. That's OK with me.' Which is a great feeling."
– Fiona Apple
– Fiona Apple
01. The Idler Wheel
Art Pop19 June 2012
Spotify
The "Greatest Fiona Album" camps are usually split between two records, either her commercially pleasing debut or her weird-ass finale. But for me, The Idler Wheel is wiser than them all and will serve you more than the others will ever do.
Why? It's not one thing. It's every single minute discernible detail that combines to present a well-developed platter of sneakier poetic winks sitting comfortably upon the artiest of cabaret style. Every time I listen to this masterpiece, I erupt in goosebumps that weigh me to the floor, convinced that each song after song after song is the best song I've heard in my life.
In my not-so-humble opinion, The Idler Wheel is where Fiona Apple not only gained full power but somehow transcended the concept of power itself, which is why nobody has come close to replicating it and probably never will unless it's Fiona herself. For this reason, and a million other reasons, this is the crown that rises to the top of my apple tree, and I don't care what anyone else says about that. Good day.
"This one I love, even though there's a lot of pain that I went through during the making of it. I feel very sure of myself. Not that I'm so great, but that I'm right. Nobody can tell me that my song isn't done."
– Fiona Apple
– Fiona Apple
