The 15 Greatest 'Fuck You's In Music

Despite having mentally worked on this blog for a year or so now, one aspect continued to elude me: the perfect title. I knew the vibe I was looking for, but the term “fuck you” seemed to be the only all encompassing feeling I could wrap each entry in like a freezing cold blanket, and yet it still doesn’t give much of an indication as to what this article is about. Not to mention it isn’t exactly the most “Google friendly” search term now, is it?

I toyed with many alternatives. “Revenge” was close, but still didn’t quite cut it, because revenge insinuates conscious effort, a sober and purposeful plot to get back at someone in retaliation, which was not always the criteria here. I frantically turned to friends for a solution, and while the suggestions were plentiful (including The 15 Greatest 'Cattiness/ Spitefulness/ Nastiness/ Belittlement/ Bitchiness/ Sneakiness/ Sliminess/ Disrespectfulness/ Degradings/ Asshole-ness' in Music) none of it seemed right or really stuck.

Which is why, at risk of alienating you, my dearest reader, I went full circle and reverted back to my original description: The 15 Greatest 'Fuck You's In Music. Because that’s what it is! Those special moments throughout rock ‘n’ roll history where one musical act stuck up their middle finger at another opposing force, whether it be in bitter hatred or with a sly smile on their face and everywhere between. Sometimes it was passionately intentional, other times it was merely a by-product of apathy, but always ... always ... it was at the cost of another's reputation. And I suppose in the spirit of things, fuck you really. Give it a go:

15. Richey Edwards vs. NME
In 1995, one of the most consistent bands of our time, the Manic Street Preachers, lost a member. His name was Richey Edwards, and to say he was a little bit mental would hardly pay the man’s eccentricities and inner demons their due respects. He was permanently depressed, suffered from severe anorexia, depended on various forms of drugs, and found no greater joy than stubbing cigarettes out on and cutting up his own body. Which is exactly what this entry is about.

In an interview with NME, journalist Steve Lamacq confronted Richey as well as the rest of the Manics, questioning their authenticity and their true dedication to punk-rock ethics. Edwards did his best to try and convince Lamacq that the band were "for real," but eventually gave up and decided that actions speak louder than words. Apparently in record time, he pulled out his trusty razorblade from his pocket and carved the phrase “4 Real” into his arm. And I don’t even mean like, little scratches. These were full-on gouges, blood everywhere, the wound requiring 18 stitches to piece the mess back together, which you can marvel at here (probably NSFW, depending where you W). Needless to say, that shut the NME journalist right up. Fuck you, yes, fuck you.

This wasn't the end of Edwards’ erratic behaviour either, and as I mentioned in the first paragraph, three years later he completely disappeared off the face of the earth, never to be seen again. And despite the frequent ghost sightings since that incident, he was presumed dead on November the 23rd, 2008, at the glorious age of 27.

14. Lennon vs. McCartney
As the most successful songwriting partnership of all time, this list would not be complete without some reference to these legends above legends. And it’s not without its merit either, as the break up of The Beatles and the aforementioned relationship came with all the bitterness one would expect from any such separation, complete with immaturity and exchanges of harsh words throughout. Except, like the true artists they were, they did it via the magic of song.

Interestingly enough, it starts with the usually placid McCartney on his 1971 classic album Ram, or more specifically, with the song Too Many People. In typical Macca fashion, it was hardly a dig, the line “Too many people preaching practices,” apparently aimed at Lennon’s own recently developed messiah complex, as well as the line “You took your lucky break and broke it in two,” as a stab at Yoko and John’s marriage, and the disintegration of The Beatles as a result.

Now, Mr Lennon being the vocal character he was, wouldn’t just let this slide, and hit back measurably harder on his Imagine album from the same year. The main offending song was called How Do You Sleep? and not a line shied away from some McCartney assault, the best of them including “Those freaks was right when they said you was dead” (in reference to the Paul is Dead conspiracy theory) and “The only thing you done was yesterday, and since you've gone you're just another day” (in reference to one of Paul’s most famous hits Yesterday, as well as his Another Day single). The fact that this song also featured George Harrison on slide guitar must have added extra salt to injury, and yet, the worst of it all was actually cut out. Originally the line “You probably pinched that bitch anyway” (in reference to to McCartney’s own claims that he wasn’t sure if he stole Yesterday himself, because it had come to him in a dream) was considered, as well as the much more explicit variation of “How do you sleep, you cunt?”

Of course, it was all fun and games, as the two had an on-and-off friendship right up until Lennon’s death in 1980, but this kind of behaviour has been called "the original musical beef", predating the common place of hip hop feuds in our modern age, which not only grants me the freedom to exclude all those obvious Nas vs. Jay-Z/N.W.A. vs. Ice Cube/Eminem vs. Insane Clown Posse troubles, but also leads me to conclude, once again, that The Beatles invented everything.

13. Radiohead vs. The Music Industry
In 2007, Radiohead found themselves in a pretty interesting position. Having fulfilled their six-album contract with EMI and coming out the other side as pretty much the hugest band in existence, one can only imagine the type of high-figure deals that would have been thrown at their faces. But (being the pretentious art wankers we know and love), they would not surrender to the temptation of rushing into decisions, and instead used their time to record a new album. An album which came to be known as In Rainbows.

"I like the people at our record company, but the time is at hand when you have to ask why anyone needs one. And, yes, it probably would give us some perverse pleasure to say 'Fuck You' to this decaying business model," Thom Yorke told Time Magazine. And saying "Fuck You", they did! Not only because the album's release was announced 10 days before the set date, but also because In Rainbows made industry history by utilising the Pay What You Want model, allowing fans to decide what they felt the music was worth, even if they felt it was worth nothing at all. Surprisingly, the experiment worked in their favour, the average price paid around £4 and not a cent of it going to anyone but the band. And even when the hardcopy retail version was released some time later, it went on to sell 44,602 copies in its first week despite the fact that everyone had already heard it, becoming the 10th independently distributed album to reach number 1 on the Billboard 200, ever.

People have gone so far as to call this moment “the day the music died” (in reference to that Holly/Valens/Richardson plane crash) and since then, many other artists have taken the same route whilst the rest of the world stood in stupor, confused as to what it all meant for the future of the industry. But personally, I still think Queens of the Stone Age’s Josh Homme summed it up the best when he stated “You’re talking about one of the finest working bands in the world ... if you were in a band no one knew, that wouldn’t work so well.”

12. Nirvana vs. MTV
Known as pretty much the most influential rock band of the 90s, I probably don’t need to tell you that Nirvana have sold 75 million copies worldwide despite only having three official studio albums, and that Kurt Cobain was hailed as the “voice of Generation X” before and even way after his premature 1994 death. I also probably don’t need to remind you that Cobain had a bit of a love-hate relationship with his fame, never quite feeling comfortable with his elevated platform and never fully interested in the commercial/corporate side of the music industry. Which is kind of what MTV represents really, and here they come.

Due to their popularity, the band were asked to perform at the 1992 MTV Video Music Awards, with the blessing that they could play “whatever they wanted”. Naturally, this isn’t the smartest thing to tell a group fronted by an anti-establishment junkie, and the network quickly changed their tune when Kurt expressed his desire to play his aptly titled anti-rape song, Rape Me. Suddenly, MTV insisted that they rather perform their greatest hit Smells Like Teen Spirit, which upset the band deeply, so much so that even hours before the scheduled show, they refused to go on. However, fearing the effect this rebellion would have against their label-mates, they reached a compromise and offered to play their most recent single Lithium instead, to which everyone agreed in relief, and the execs were happy once more.

BUT NOT FOR LONG, for as soon as the band were introduced, Kurt started playing the opening chords of Rape Me anyway. MTV froze in shock, their fingers inches from cutting off the performance, seconds away from pushing the button, until Kurt abruptly stopped, and then started to play Lithium as per the agreement. It was "just to give them a little heart palpitation," Kurt confessed, a small but loud “Fuck You”, as if to stick tongues out of their little yellow smiley faces and say “nanana we’re Nirvananana, we fulfilled our contract and so you still need to pay us, but don’t ever tell us what to do.” Silly MTV.

11. Jarvis Cocker vs. Michael Jackson
Best known as the frontman for Britpop royalty Pulp, Jarvis Branson Cocker has done pretty well for himself, selling well over 10 million albums by himself and with his band, as well as educating the masses on how to live like common people. But as far as success goes, he doesn’t hold a sparkler to the King of Pop, Michael Jackson, because ... well, who the fuck does? Still, this little fact didn’t intimidate the man in the slightest, as this story shall reveal after the following full stop.

The incident took place at the 1996 Brit Awards, where Jackson performed his hit single Earth Song whilst surrounded by crying children and a rabbi. Jarvis, being the devout Atheist he is, was offended by MJ’s portrayal of himself as a “Christ-like figure with the power of healing” and protested these actions by running onto the stage, slapping his bum and then lifting up his shirt, like High School all over again. This little stunt got Cocker detained and questioned for suspicion of assault, but he was ultimately released without charge. Which is to say, the real charge came with the mental Jacko fans who wanted to hang his head on the Neverland gates, forcing Jarvis to spend quite some time dodging crazy people in the street for the sake of his own life. At the same time, Noel Gallagher of Oasis stated that "Jarvis Cocker is a star" and should be awarded an MBE for the episode, so it’s kind of a marmite thing, really.

10. The KLF vs. The Economy
Considered one of the most important groups in the British acid house movement, The KLF were weird. They vandalised billboards, they gave money to artists they considered to be “the worst”, they were obsessed with sheep imagery, they created fictional cults, and they burnt stuff. They burnt a load of stuff. They even publicly burnt all copies of their unsold debut album due to a copyright dispute with ABBA, which may have been enough to get them onto this list alone, but instead we have something far more insane for you...

It’s a long story, but summarised: in 1994, under their art moniker the K Foundation, the duo found that they had a million quid at their disposal from their massive hit single success. At first they considered using the money to fund struggling artists, but concluded that good art benefits from the struggle. They then had the epiphany that the money should be the art itself, and nailed the million bucks to a pine frame, only to be refused by every art gallery on the planet due to insurance complications. Frustrated, they decided to do the next most logical thing: burn the money, obviously. Furthermore, they felt that performing the act in public would lessen the impact, and settled on carrying out the deed in private, on the island of Jura. And off they went, the whole process taking over an hour to achieve, stacks of £50 notes crackling in flames and escaping up the chimney, charred British Sterling being discovered by fishermen for days afterwards. As if this wasn’t enough, they further added to the confusion by filming the action, but then destroyed all recorded evidence two days later, which provoked some to dismiss the story as fabricated. Luckily, the man behind the camera did manage to sneak out a copy unbeknownst to the band, and screenings to prove that fateful day have been taking place ever since.

As anyone would expect, the general reaction was one of disbelief. Hell, even the members of KLF themselves reportedly fell into a state of shock over the incident, and apparently haven’t been the same since. Regardless, they did defend their art vigorously in the media, and only in recent years have begun to express some regret over the whole ordeal. Uhm, you think? You burnt all your money! Not sure who actually fucked who on this one.

09. Aphex Twin vs. The Lemonheads
Richard David James has many names, the most well known being Aphex Twin, the lesser known ones including AFX, Blue Calx, Bradley Strider, Caustic Window, Smojphace, GAK, Martin Tressider, Polygon Window, Power-Pill, Q-Chastic, Tahnaiya Russell, The Diceman, The Tuss, and Soit-P.P. He has been called "the most inventive and influential figure in contemporary electronic music" by The Guardian, and due to his elusive nature and devilish smile, quickly rose as the central character of many wonderful rumours.

Some claimed he never slept. Others claimed he only wrote music while he slept. It has been said that he's got hundreds upon hundreds of hours of unreleased music stored on his computer from week-long substance abuse fuelled binges, which is probably true. It has been said that he makes and modifies all of his equipment personally, which is also probably true. But regardless of wherever the line separating the man from the myth lies, the reputation had been born, and remix work began to pour in, every artist wanting a bit of Aphex flavour marinated on their own creations. And he complied, making a load of money by slicing up the original tracks so viciously that the end product was a completely unrecognisable song to the one it started with. And people ate it up.

This type of notoriety also came with some unique perks, and that’s what this entry is about. Commissioned to remix a Lemonheads’ song, Aphex agreed but then completely forgot about it, claiming "I didn't even bother listening to the song because I knew I'd hate it.” Only when a courier knocked on his door asking for the remix, did he remember he was supposed to be a professional musician. So, Richard being Richard, said “no problem,” walked upstairs, grabbed the nearest tape he could find and then handed it confidently to the mailman, as if it had anything to do with the Lemonheads single whatsoever. “Strangely, they never released it,” he told journalists. “They should've been honoured, I reckon. It would have sounded better than any rubbish song they wrote."

08. Sinéad O'Connor vs. Pope John Paul II
Before she put on a bit of weight (which is fine, I don’t judge, padding is nice), aged a tad too quickly, deteriorated into a manic depressive state, begged men for anal, and attacked Miley Cyrus on the internet; Sinéad was the hottest bald chick on the block. Her debut album alone sold 2.5 million copies worldwide, and her Prince cover Nothing Compares 2 U is one of the biggest selling singles (82nd) of the 90s, being called nothing short of a classic by pretty much any journalist with a typewriter. So, yeah, she was rather famous back then, and it might have gone to her head a bit, because it’s around this time she gone and done what she gone and done.

During a 1992 performance on Saturday Night Live, O’Connor sang an a capella version of Bob Marley’s War, but focused on child abuse rather than the songs original protest against racism. Everything was going swimmingly, until the very end where Sinéad pulled a photo of Pope John Paul II out from her pocket, tore it in half, and then announced that everyone must “fight the real enemy,” before throwing the pieces into the camera lense. Everyone was stunned, including the SNL production team, the air evaporating out of the room instantaneously. Nobody cheered. Nobody booed. Nobody knew what to do whatsoever. But, of course, once everyone’s frozen blood started to pump into their brains again, it boiled, and the inevitable snowball backlash was quick to follow.

NBC received about a thousand calls of complaints. SNL host Joe Pesci apologised by taping the photo back together. Madonna said some pretty harsh things to anybody who would listen. But the worst reaction came two weeks later, when Sinéad was set to play at a Bob Dylan tribute concert. Upon walking onto the stage, she was greeted by a mass mixture of cheering and booing noises, so much so that the singer couldn’t even start the show. Instead, she ordered the band to shut up, got her mic turned up to full volume, and then screamed the War cover once again, looking into the crowd with fierce protest, and then bursting into tears before running off the stage.

In recent times, people have come to respect the bold move on her part, even SNL themselves calling it "a betrayal", but also "a serious expression of belief." O’Connor too has made peace with the reaction, recently responding to the question “would you change what you did?” with a resounding “Hell, no!” You go girl! *click click click*

07. Jay-Z vs. Oasis
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to fight night. In the right corner, we have one of the most financially successful hip hop artists of all time, holding 17 Grammy Awards and selling over 75 million records worldwide, consistently rated as one of the greatest rappers in history as well as the co-founder of Roc-A-Fella Records, it’s the people’s champion, the one, the only, Jay-Z. And in the left corner, we have the group who lead the 90s Britpop scene by its Fred Perry polo, selling 70 million albums worldwide and holding Guinness world records for their unprecedented run of 22 top 10 hits in the UK as well as being the most successful act in the UK between the years 1995 and 2005, spending a total of 765 weeks in the Top 75 singles and albums charts, it’s Britpop pioneers and tonight’s challengers, Oasis.

The story begins in 2008, with the Glastonbury announcement that Jay-Z would be the year’s headlining act. As a result, ticket sales slowed down dramatically, most likely owed to the typical rock crowd’s distaste at anything different touching their precious festival, and everyone had something or other to say on the subject. But nobody had more to say than the usually very polite and reserved Oasis brother, Noel Gallagher. He was quick to attack the move, stating "I'm sorry, but Jay-Z? No chance. Glastonbury has a tradition of guitar music and even when they throw the odd curve ball in on a Sunday night you go 'Kylie Minogue?' I don't know about it. But I'm not having hip hop at Glastonbury. It's wrong." Now, the Gallaghers have had their fair practice of high-profile arguments in the press, and they had got pretty good at it too, but one thing anyone should learn in the battle game is this: do not fuck with hip hop artists. Feuding is what they do.

Jay-Z graciously responded with "We don't play guitars, Noel, but hip hop has put in its work like any other form of music. This headline show is just a natural progression. Rap music is still evolving. We have to respect each other's genre of music and move forward," and we all thought that was that. But it hadn’t even begun. Instead, Hova played possum until the night of the big show, surprising everyone by walking onto the stage with a guitar after all, strumming the chords and singing Wonderwall to the mindblown crowd who sang along to every word, only to be abruptly interrupted when the band blasted into 99 Problems and completely destroyed any critics’ reservations. It was beautiful :’) So beautiful, in fact, that Noel was forced to admit defeat, eventually confessing “for the record, I like Jay-Z,” but it was too little, too late. Because Jay kept on going and going, including the line "That bloke from Oasis said I couldn’t play guitar, somebody should have told him I’m a fucking rock star," on his song Jockin' Jay-Z, and as a final nail in the coffin, announced that he would like to work with Liam when Oasis split. Burn, don’t fuck with the King.

06. Danger Mouse vs. EMI
Brian Joseph Burton (better known as Danger Mouse) has become somewhat of a superpower in the production area, having churned out hits upon hits for such heavyweight names as Gnarls Barkley, Broken Bells, Beck, Norah Jones, Jack White, The Black Keys, and U2, to name (seriously) just a few. But where did it all begin?

The Grey Album! By taking the a cappella version of Jay-Z’s Black Album and mashing it up with The Beatles White Album, what started out as a little home project for Mr Mouse ended up propelling him into a much higher global consciousness. He never even intended it to go so viral, but it did, being praised by fans, critics, Jay-Z, and even Paul McCartney himself. However (as the copyright holder of all Beatles material) EMI held a different opinion. They saw the use of their cherished breadwinners as an infringement, ordering Danger Mouse as well as the retailer carriers to cease distribution of the album, which, as well all know, isn’t how things work these days.

In protest, online activists put together what was known as The Grey Tuesday on February the 24th, 2004, wherefore 24 hours, 170 websites hosted the album for free, going on to be downloaded some 100,000 times on that day alone. EMI naturally freaked, sent out a couple of cease and desist letters, but ultimately realised they couldn’t do shit about it.

Now, I reckon that story alone justifies this entries position, but that’s not it. Rather, the sweetest revenge came roughly a year later, when Damon Albarn from Blur fame heard The Grey Album and was so impressed that he hired Danger Mouse to produce Gorillaz' sophomore album, Demon Days. Gorillaz themselves were signed to Parlophone, which at the time, was a branch of EMI. So basically put, after freaking out and trying to choke Danger Mouse’s creativity, they were forced to hire and pay the man’s salary less than 12 months later. That had to sting a little.

05. L7 vs. Reading Festival
One of the most influential all-female riot grrrl bands of modern times was L7, known for their alternative grunge sound, fierce feminist attitudes and frequent dabbles in controversy. I mean, they may have never reached the success of their (male) 90s punk rock counterparts, but their message was massively supported by those very acts, such as Pearl Jam, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Nirvana, and Rage Against the Machine, going on to also appear on the soundtracks for Natural Born Killers, Tank Girl and GTA, so yeah, they had a name. Hell, even The Prodigy covered Fuel My Fire on Fat of the Land and Nirvana bassist Krist Novoselic made a concert film about the band, which isn't bad for a bunch of girls.

However, the main subject of this entry is one nasty incident which took place at 1992’s Reading Festival. Their equipment wasn’t behaving which delayed their set, to which the drunk crowd started to get restless and threw mud at the band in objection to their impatience. Now, vocalist Donita Sparks does not take shit from anybody, let alone a ten thousand strong audience, and in protest to their protests, swiftly removed her tampon from her vagina, swung it above her head and launched it into the crowd along with the message "eat my used tampon, fuckers!" She has never apologised for the incident, and the absorbent material has been referred to as one of the "most unsanitary pieces of rock memorabilia in history". Regardless, it is yet to appear on eBay, believe me, I’ve looked.

04. Marvin Gaye vs. His Ex-Wife
The Prince of Soul, Marvin Gaye, may have sold countless records and influenced pretty much everything you’ve ever heard, but holding on to money was not one of his fortes. Due to the purchasing of many houses, cars, and drugs, his financial situation hit an all time low in 1976, when his seventeen-years his senior wife, Anna Gordy Gaye, filed divorce after ten years of marriage. She cited infidelity as her main case, and considering Marvin Gaye had recently impregnated a girl ironically seventeen-years his junior, she may have had a point.

Gaye tried to hide, arrest warrants were issued, court cases followed, Marvin hardly ever showed up to them, and the whole fiasco lasted for over a year until they finally reached the following settlement: Anna would be paid off by the royalties from Gaye’s next album. And this is exactly what happened, except not exactly the way Anna had anticipated.

Aptly titled Here, My Dear, Marvin wanted to make an album which was “rushed, lazy” because “why should I break my neck when Anna was going to wind up with the money anyway?”. However, as it went on, the album turned into one of well-calculated revenge, fuelled by the passion and pain that comes with divorce, focusing his artistic bullets straight at Anna’s gut. “It'll be something she won't want to play and it'll be something she won't want the world to hear because I'm gonna tell the truth,” Marvin explained, ensuring that each and every penny she earned from his hard work stung with the pang of heartbreak. Even the artwork opened up into a Monopoly-like board game, titled Judgment, featuring a male’s hand hovering above musical equipment, and a female's hand hovering above such items as money, a house, a Mercedes, and a diamond ring. Ache, much?

When it was done, Marvin was surprisingly proud of the record, which is why he was so upset by rumours that he’d created an unlistenable and purposefully “bad” album to intentionally mess with his ex-wife’s funding. For indeed, it was very badly received at the time, often criticised as too "bizarre" and "un-commercial", going on to sell terribly by the man's standards. That said, time has been good to the record and it has slowly but surely gone on to top many best-of lists in recent decades, justifiably praised for the dark entity it is. Which is all fine and good, but what about Anna? Well, she got her money in the end. But she wasn’t happy. Job done then.

03. Rage Against the Machine vs. The X Factor
Fed up with X Factor dominating the Xmas number one slot year after year, English DJ Jon Morter and his wife Tracy launched a Facebook group in 2009, encouraging us people to take the power back by purchasing Rage Against The Machine’s 1992 track Killing in the Name to defeat the evil Cowell machine and actually put something listenable on the radio for a change. This idea seemed to say what everyone was thinking and was so original, that it didn’t take long for the masses to jump on board, the group amassing 750,000 members in just a few weeks, including support from Dave Grohl, Paul McCartney, and even little old me. And then, we bought. We bought and we bought and we bought until over 500,000 copies of the song had been acquired, becoming the “fastest-selling digital track in UK history,” according to the Guinness World Records, and successfully hitting the top slot, the first exclusively download-only single to top the Xmas number one in history.

We had done it. We had won. Guitarist Tom Morello called it "a wonderful dose of anarchy," and the band showed their appreciation by donating their sudden influx of cash to charity as well as playing a free “thank you” gig to 40,000 fans in Finsbury Park. BBC Radio 5Live allowed them to perform said track live on their show, but not before requesting nicely that the band censor the line “Fuck you, I won’t do what you tell me”, to which I’m sure the band noticed the irony of, and naturally complied gracefully, as one would imagine. But what I liked most about this whole campaign is that it was a once off magical thing, for while many like minded movements have been attempted since then, none have stuck, because we’d already achieved what we came to do. We showed them who truly is in control here, and with pride, that’s all we wanted.

02. Pussy Riot vs. The Russian Government
Forming in 2011, it took this feminist punk protest group just over a year to become the most famous band in the world, leading this list as the most recent incident featured here. So much so, that I hardly feel the need to explain the story, because you already know the story, but just in case you’ve been living under some sort of a solid aggregate of minerals...

In protest to the reelection of Russian president Vladimir Putin, five of the Pussies jumped onto the altar of the Cathedral of Christ the Savior Church in Moscow, and performed a rendition of Bogoroditse Devo, Raduisya (retitled as Punk Prayer) to the relatively few witnesses, calling upon the Virgin Mary to get rid of Putin and using the roughly translated term "shit of the Lord" throughout. Of course, everyone knew what they were doing was naughty, but many praised the ladies’ strong stance, figuring it was empowering and courageous and justified and whatnot. In fact, everyone seemed to have the girls’ back, except for, of course, the Church and the government and other such types, all of whom were naturally less than impressed.

The girls were arrested under some blasphemy law, and it suddenly became a global issue about freedom of speech and women’s rights. They faced up to seven years imprisonment despite their not-guilty defence plea, and people saw this as a touch too drastic. Hunger strikes followed. Hundred people strong protests followed. An award winning documentary followed. And mass celebrity support followed, including such huge names as Die Antwoord, Julian Assange, Beastie Boys, Jarvis Cocker, Faith No More, Stephen Fry, Green Day, Courtney Love, Paul McCartney, Moby, Kate Nash. Yoko Ono, Pet Shop Boys, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Patti Smith, Sting and Elijah Wood. Even Björk and Madonna went so far as to request a collaboration with the girls, to which they declined, stating “the only performances we’ll participate in are illegal ones. We refuse to perform as part of the capitalist system, at concerts where they sell tickets.” Good on ya, ladies!

Near the end of 2013, it was announced the girls would be released, and they weren’t very happy about this either. Was it because they felt Putin was pardoning them due to external pressure? Or was it because they actually quite enjoyed being the center of an attention which ignored how terrible their music was? You decide.

01. Fleetwood Mac vs. Fleetwood Mac
Very few stories (if any) start with the churning of such vicious interpersonal turmoil, only to result in the highest quality of butter anyone has ever tasted. After an eight year marriage, Fleetwood Mac members Christine McVie and John McVie had divorced, refusing to even talk to one another. Buckingham and Nicks’ on-off relationship had reached breaking point, every conversation concluding in bitter arguments. And fifth member Mick Fleetwood was going through some love troubles of his own, recently discovering that his wife had been sleeping with one of his “friends”.

And yet throughout all the emotional breakdowns of conversation, they somehow managed to deal with their pain through the music. Of course, that is not to say all was forgiven and forgotten in the middle of happy chords and upbeat drum beats, for, in reality, the complete opposite was taking place. Separately, the band would write hurtful songs about each other, detailing their own affairs and suffering in relation to their counterpart, and then (the biggest Fuck You of all) getting that very person to harmonise the lyrics with them. I mean, it’s one thing to tell someone how much they fucked you up by using your art, but then to force them to sing those exact same words you wrote about them, demanding they experience the feelings you’ve harboured against them, is surely one of the most insanest versions of musical revenge in history, and as a result, the very reason why this album remains so timelessly powerful.

To give you an idea of what I am going on about, here are some of my favourite examples of these vengeful lyrics:

“I ain't gonna miss you when you go. Been down so long, I've been tossed around enough, couldn't you just let me go down and do my stuff?” - Second Hand News

“Listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness, like a heartbeat drives you mad in the stillness of remembering what you had, and what you lost.” - Dreams

“She broke down and let me in. Made me see where I've been: Been down one time. Been down two times. I'm never going back again.” - Never Going Back Again

“Loving you isn't the right thing to do. How can I ever change things that I feel? If I could, maybe I'd give you my world. How can I when you won't take it from me?” - Go Your Own Way

“Tell me why everything turned around? Packing up, shacking up is all you wanna do.” - Go Your Own Way (Apparently Stevie was particularly upset over this one.)

“Damn your love. Damn your lies. And if you don't love me now, you will never love me again. I can still hear you saying you would never break the chain.” - The Chain

“Finally, baby, the truth has been told. Now you tell me that I'm crazy, that's nothing that I didn't know. Trying to survive. You say you love me, but you don't know. You got me rocking and a-reeling, oh.” - I Don't Want to Know

“If there's been a fool around, it's got to be me. Why are you right when I'm so wrong? I'm so weak but you're so strong. Everything you do is just alright, and I can't walk away from you, baby, if I tried.” - Oh Daddy

“Well, did she make you cry? Make you break down? Shatter your illusions of love? And is it over now?” - Gold Dust Woman

“I'll begin not to love you. Turn around, see me runnin'. I'll say I loved you years ago, tell myself you never loved me, no. And did you say she was pretty? And did you say that she loves you? Baby, I don't wanna know, oh no. And can you tell me was it worth it? Really, I don't wanna know. Time casts a spell on you, but you won't forget me. I know I could have loved you, but you would not let me.” - Silver Springs

Although, it’s not all bad, right? As Christine’s song You Make Loving Fun featured such affectionate lines as “Sweet wonderful you, you make me happy with the things you do,” and “you make loving fun, and I don't have to tell you that you're the only one.” Of course, this song was not directed at her ex-husband/bandmate John, but rather at Fleetwood Mac's lighting director, who she’d recently started fucking. Owch!

Regardless, the album went on to sell 45 fucking million copies worldwide and is often called the greatest album of all time—absolutely deserving of the title too. So I'm sure they were proud of each other somewhat, at least on a professional basis if nothing else, because if there is one thing I’ve learned about how to keep a relationship going, it’s money, and that's why the band still perform these 35 year old songs in concert to this very day.


Done.


This article is dedicated to Matt White. I shamelessly stole the above image designs right from under his own artistic hands, and for that, I am sorry. Time was against me! I'm only trying to get by here!



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The Top 50 Albums of 2013

(according to me)

Why hello there, so glad you could make it, go on and take a seat. My name is Jared, and one day, I am going to kill you. If you could, please refrain from opening your fat mouth and let me do all the talking, as I will be taking questions at the end.

Music! It’s a wonderful thing, for the more you dig, the more you discover, and the more you discover, the more places you learn to dig. 2013 was no exception, and boy, did I dig! In fact, when I compare the 234 albums I listened to last year with the 458 I listened to this year, I cringe at how I ever thought I was in a position to attempt this kind of thing before. I've been doing much better lately, don't you worry. And while 2013 may have consisted of less ground-breaking WOW releases, it did appear to have a much better consistency about it when compared with previous years, which provided me with a much larger quantity of great albums to choose from, rather than just a couple of explosions supported by an occasional pleasure.

But before we delve into which of these fine ladies and gentlemen conquered the system, there are a few quick additional details you should be aware of:

1. I have cut as much fat out of this article as I could, including the usual blabbering at the end, opting to rather present the Top 50 Albums of 2013 Expansion Pack for those proper music addicts who crave more than just a 1 - 50. There you will find my exact process of how I managed to consume so much music, as well as a further 50 entries, the hall of fame, and some other little bits and pieces if you’re lucky. Check it out, you'll never be lucky.
2. However, if you are dismayed by your inability to locate your favourite album on either of these lists, I have also provided the following Google Doc in which you can read my rough first/second/third impressions of each and every single one of the 458 albums I've listened to. There is some tragically decent humour lost all over the show in there, so I recommend you take a look see.
3. The cut off date for listening to new albums was the 11th December 2013, meaning anything released after that date was regrettably not considered. Which truly is such a shame, Beyoncé. I'm sorry :(
4. My favourite songs of the year were all conveniently saved into this Spotify playlist here, and so by ordering it by Date Added, you will most likely discover even more great tunes which go beyond what these articles have provided.
5. Finally, you should above all else listen to my very own ever-growing cartoon musical album Coming Down Happy, of which three new songs were added in 2013. I know this may appear like some shameless plug, because it is. This is my blog, so fuck yooooou.

Enough? Enough! Shhhh, listen:

50. Rudimental - Home
Drum and Bass, Liquid Funk
April 29
Spotify

Easy stick and feel-good to the millionth degree, this album conveniently brings the summer to your doorstep without even asking for anything in return, because that’s how friendly it is. The exceptionally detailed production (complete with all the enthusiastic guest star support it could assemble) pumps with commercial appeal without ever sacrificing its principles, which is why it was so over-played throughout the year and worthy of every goddamn second of it. Of course, the singles stand out as the pinnacles of the record, but the smart ordering spreads the bangers out evenly, offering a balanced feel all round; where the simply “good” tracks provide the necessary padding to elevate the more classic 2013 chunes even higher—which are thankfully never far away. And even in saying that, there are no fillers here, each one of these tropical vibrations painting a relaxed club scene onto my smile, skipping me into instant weekend mode, ironically ready to go absolutely anywhere other than back home.

49. Modern Life Is War - Fever Hunting
Melodic Hardcore Punk
September 9
Spotify

Why, hello there, Mr Angers. While great melodic hardcore isn’t hard to find this decade, Fever Hunting is an atypical step sideways from the genre, and for a change, this weight is not carried by the vocals alone. Please don’t misinterpret those words, as frontman Jeffrey Eaton does exactly as he’s supposed to, struggling (in the best way possible) to shout his aggressive message into your cerebral, but by doing so, is definitely the most “ordinary” participant. Instead, it’s the guitars’ uplifting riffs which almost conflict with his approach, catchy and somewhat indie-ish, a technique emphasised by the drummer who knows exactly how to support the rivalling sound at hand, as if saying “I know what you’re doing, I got your back”. And this is exactly how this style should be presented: with nothing pretty in earshot and absolutely no fucking around, every one of these high-paced energetic songs taunting that outward kind of emo, rushing to the finish line and down into my core so fast that it’s painful. Trust me on this one: listen to it loud and you’ll be pulling middle fingers at your computer screen in no time.

48. Pusha T - My Name Is My Name
Gangsta Southern Hip Hop
October 8
Spotify

While a headless Kanye runs around screaming about his first world problems over heavily scathing backtracks, My Name Is My Name feels like the true sequel to My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy (probably because Kanye pretty much produced the whole thing anyway). That said, it’s not quite as perfect as that, for even if Pusha’s serious flow and trademark noises are more than satisfactory, it does fall over the gansta-money line a little bit too far for my own comfort, relying on ego a touch more than it needs to, even on occasions slipping into some tragically predictable regions of cliché strategies. However, when he or his endless supply of guest stars can’t carry this album alone, the production saves the day in a big way, revealing some of the most insanest beats of the year, every one of these huge songs as commercially flavourful as they are weighty from all the dirt, cooked medium-rare and ready for mass consumption. Yes, it sounds a little bit “last year”, desperately lapping up the dregs this style’s milk before it entirely evaporates, yet it still doesn’t quite miss the expiry date, and for now, that tastes just fine.

47. Fuck Buttons - Slow Focus
Electronic, Neo-Psychedelia
July 22
Spotify

With a name like Fuck Buttons, it’s easy to assume that here is an outfit who refuses to play by the rules and doesn’t give a shit about commercial value, which as it turns out, is completely true. For Slow Focus is less of a record, more of a forceful group of robots marching to war, not in the scary type of way, but more in the patriotic and optimistic type of way, which actually is kinda scary in itself. Carefully constructed by combining the friendly playfulness of neo-psychedelia with the droney dangers of electronics, this album produces perfect layers upon layers to render a disturbing landscape, one which doesn’t go out of its way to be overly-complex, yet is still so well crafted that you find yourself lost in it, either surrounded by a dancing crowd or alienated, alone, forever plodding along in some dense rawness of an awkward nightmare. All of this results in an album which just has SOMETHING about it, perhaps not immediately recognisable, but with a presence so potent and intense that it leaves the taste of petals and metal in one’s mouth, complete with tears for fears and gasps of joy.

46. Nails - Abandon All Life
Grindcore, Powerviolence
March 19
Spotify

I’m convinced this band is called Nails because you won’t have any left once you chew them all down to the bone during this record. Like a machine gun face-raping you until nothing is left except for an unrecognisable mash of liquid, these short bursts of songs work as one aggravating track, pummelling you until you have no idea where one assault ends and the other one begins. Its barrage of extreme abrasiveness is a savage plot devised to destroy you in the most minimal compact amount of time possible, the whole thing only somewhat digestible due to its feverishly short length (this review probably taking longer to read than listening to the album itself) and yet is still surely one of the most stressful tests of endurance you’d ever put yourself through on purpose. Without a doubt, here is the fastest invasion you will hear this year (in more ways than one), as well as being so explosively insane that when it abruptly ends, you won’t even remember what the fuck just happened to you. That’s called a mental-blockage. It’s a defense mechanism. It’s there to help you.

45. Gris - À l'âme enflammée, l'âme constellée...
Atmospheric Black Metal
July 9

As if some lonely stranger is murdering my family without really wanting to, this album fills me with miserable depression and despair. My soul perishes with desperate terror, in fear of the next fright yet all too aware of the emotional gorgeousness that comes with such a religious quality. It crawls between a gentle melodic folky/tribal vibe and a brutal gloomy-doomy painful one, the moving acoustic guitar-work and deep layers of technical instrumentation seemingly conflicting with the heavy-hitting more traditional black vocals; yet they unpredictably coagulate in a majestic and organic way like some love story between demons set in a medieval fantasy land. Yes, it’s uber long, but if it wasn’t so lengthy, it wouldn’t be the huge monster that it is, which stands as one of the most solid and epic albums I’ve ever heard in my life. Simply put: it’s a masterpiece, and I don’t use that word lightly.

44. Charli XCX - True Romance
Electropop
April 15
Spotify

Like a straight-A student fresh out of dance college, Charlotte (at the young age of 21) has learned some things beyond the rest of her classmates, presenting her sophomore project as a glorious guilty-pleasure smartypop album, complete with hip hop driven production, and (even more admirable) completely void of any reliance on cliché dubstep drops to get her point across. And we are all dressed and ready to party. Go ahead and compare her to the British attitude of Lily Allen, or the dark emotions of Lana Del Rey, or the cheek of Kate Nash, or the hooky sample use of Marina and the Diamonds. But this record stands tall with its own domineering personality, perhaps not 100% perfect, but different and brave, filled with enough excitement to prick critics’ ears up all around the interwebs, thirsty for whatever this girl has up her stockings next.

43. Darkside - Psychic
Microhouse
October 8
Spotify

Slowly but surely (like this album itself), Nicolas Jaar has really started to build up a name for himself, and this collaboration with Dave Harrington could very well be his most satisfying work to date. It cautiously creeps out from dark spaces, not hiding but casually ticking every indulgent box it sets out to tick, fusing so many sad sounds that it’s almost impossible to categorise, somehow keeping things retro yet so modern that it could only exist now. The smooth funk ideals and unformulated sexiness connect in such a loose way that it sounds saturated without ever complicating matters, remaining minimal and remaining earthly whilst beaming pacifism from the moon. The machine now breathes with life, and our heartbeats slow to a near standstill. How many people try this and fail? Of course, some critics have complained Psychic “isn’t memorable enough”, but they miss the point: without many listens, this album will merely comb the crevices of your brain gently, for you are not yet worthy. However, the more you listen, the more the bristles will dig into your mind, drawing blood and leaking sly data into your skull with an implied smirk on its face.

42. Blood Orange - Cupid Deluxe
Contemporary R&B, Synth Funk
November 18
Spotify

Oh, Blood Orange, shall I compare thee to The Weeknd? Michael Jackson? Prince? Nay! Instead, let’s forget preconceptions and praise this essentially solo record laminated by diverse guest stars for what it is. And what it is, is a versatile style-hopping album which never disrupts the romantic and intimate mood, gracefully uplifting the listener with its smooth funk, retro synths, and UK hip hop, keeping love sexy but also keeping love vulnerable, as it was always meant to be. Yet even this portrayal does not do it justice, as there is definitely some sort of a deeper level about Cupid Deluxe, a factor I cannot describe nor analyse nor comprehend, but is so rich and apparent that I feel like he is toying with me without hiding his intention to do so. It’s the perfect length, doesn’t think too much of itself, and gives off the vibe as though it’s gaining confidence rather than ever having confidence. And even when it (very occasionally) misses the mark, it always gives its full effort to get there, and that alone warrants your attention. Did some sort of a cross-dressing black Jesus make this album? Have you looked at the artwork??

41. Alter Bridge - Fortress
Alternative Metal, Post-Grunge
September 30
Spotify

“I loathe mainstream rock, it makes me sick to my stomach,” I announce to the hypothetical room a mere second before this album rips the rug right out from under my feet and I fall face first onto broken glass. But how? I hate this genre! And yet ... the passion! The power! The driving strength! The aggressive riffs! The over-pronounciated vocals! The competent musicianship and catchy songwriting from everyone involved! It’s all so ... convincing!!! My God, could it be? Could this genre in fact not be dead? Shit, I’m pretty sure I just lost a bet somewhere. Because while Fortress may toy with the occasional cheese, it never fucks the eyes, shamelessly nodding towards old-school values whilst wearing its influences on its sleeves, forcefully driving a wooden testical straight through your reservations, not a single one of these songs even so much as misstepping the assault. And that’s very exciting. There was a lot of rare hype around this album, and I am as impressed as I am astonished that it actually lived up to it, because none of it sucks. Not one goddamn second.

40. My Bloody Valentine - MBV
Shoegaze, Dream Pop
February 3

Rumours that Kevin Shields started recording this album in 1996, then scrapped over 60 hours of taped material before having a meltdown, made one lose the hope that this album would ever come to blossom. And yet 22 years after their breakthrough Loveless, MBV arrived, sounding less than a day older than where we left off. In fact, any one of these songs could have fit on their previous album, for it’s typical Valentine—Loveless, The Sequel—but we must not forget that they are still the only band who have properly achieved this sound to date. Washed out riffs blur together; concentration on the beats are rewarded; hushed inaudible whispers crawl through subtle distortion which swirls and then drowns your dreams in fuzz, echoing and consuming everything. Perhaps it isn’t as good as Loveless (what is?), or as good as everyone claims it to be, but My Bloody Valentine know their strong points and don’t sway from them, proving their timeless worth and providing us with this densely nostalgic comeback which is not only everything you’d expect, but also everything you could ever hope for. And there is some deep comfort and relief in that. When the untouchable remains untouchable.

39. Future Of The Left - How to Stop Your Brain in an Accident
Post-Hardcore Noise Rock
October 21
Spotify

As if some staunchly drunk yet fiercely intelligent clown is having a laugh at your expense whilst willing to smash your face to pieces if you have any objections, this creepy comedic offering stands as one of the most absurd pieces of noise I’ve heard this decade. I mean, just read their song titles, dude, and you will quickly find yourself laughing at the mischievous imagination behind the educated social commentary, dead serious about not being dead or serious whatsoever. And not a quirky song in their rugged arsenal puts a foot wrong either, rather using said foot to poetically kick my ass. The perfect almost bite-for-bite ordering of hard/soft compositions work like some technically trained stoner, one who has all the right proficiency to compose catchy and digestible tracks if he so wanted to, but is far too demented and pissed off to do so. Deep breath and summarise: more people need to hear this madness.

38. Patty Griffin - Silver Bell
Alt-Country
October 8
Spotify

Originally recorded then shelved by A&M records in 2000, what I find most surprising about this recently salvaged “lost” album is how relevant and modern it sounds despite being 13 years late to the party. For Griffin (now pushing 50) is the real deal; a rare energy in the music world who can write a tear-jerking emotional acoustic track without sounding cheesy, and then write a dark and gritty hard rocker without sounding like she’s going through a midlife crisis, all within the same step. Sometimes, it’s your straight-forward country vibes. At other times, it drowns in the smart heartbreak mood of, say, Fleetwood Mac. But possibly the most fascinating times are those which sound like they belong on a Nirvana record, these songs craving to be re-imagined by Kurt Cobain himself, so much so that you can almost hear exactly what they would sound like if he did so. All of which leads a disjointed ride that covers a fuckload of ground, each song vastly different to the one that came before, erratically disrupting our emotional stability but proving her versatility beyond her counterparts. And I eat it in gleeful mouthfuls, from the palm of her open hand.

37. AlunaGeorge - Body Music
Contemporary R&B, Electropop
July 29
Spotify

Like a candy-flower blossoming in the surprisingly warm 2013 UK summer sun, then melting into liquid form, leaking onto a plate of pure MDMA; this hugely-hyped album couldn’t have dropped at a better time. It pumped the season’s air with a fresh take on this year's massively-popular garage-y sound, succeeding in seducing every radio station in the country, as well as anyone else who wanted to have a bit of fun. And the duo are the perfect match: Aluna bringing her cute yet oh-so clever vocal melodies to the picnic, building her addictive hooks over George’s deliciously slick beats—often working her voice as a sample to play with, blurring the line as to where Aluna begins and George ends. And such focus on keeping their sound this consistent doesn’t feel like they just got “lucky”. Sure, they set the bar so high that some of the songs fall a tad shorter, and, sure, this music is dangerous in excess, at times even flirting with annoying pop a bit too close for comfort. However, they never quite cross that point (thank God), instead providing an album I’ve listened to more times this year than I dare confess.

36. Daft Punk - Random Access Memories
Nu-Disco Synth Funk
May 20
Spotify

Do not expect a Daft Punk album. This is not a Daft Punk album. Rather, after an eight year hiatus, the robot duo refused to compete with modern day DJs, instead scouring past decades for inspiration, opting to use real instruments mixed with synthetic-less sounding synths, and then layering their trademark vocoder vocals on top, proving there are still methods to use this tired filter successfully. And with hard work, they somehow constructed something old and futuristic, past and present, stuffed so full of colourful genres and guest stars that I wonder how many distinct musical styles actually feature on this album? Sure, you hear complaints that this is less of a “party” record and surprisingly downtempo for the group, but you cannot deny that it was made for the love of music, executed as sexy and smooth as chrome, methodically ordered and overwhelmingly ambitious, growing bigger than even itself. And that takes skill. Perhaps it’s a bit too long, and perhaps it isn’t as good as everyone says it is—but it’s close enough, and ultimately results in their most personality-filled (and best) record to date IMO. Hell, it’s so pleasant even your parents will vibe to it.

35. Ulver With Tromsø Chamber Orchestra - Messe I.X–VI.X
Modern Classical, Dark Ambient
August 1
Spotify

I’ve always loved Ulver. They are one of those unique bands who never quite do what you expect them to, impressively evolving without restraint or guidelines per each album, whilst refusing to sacrifice their trademark darkness and creepiness, teasing us every step of the way. However, their decision to team up with the Tromsø Chamber Orchestra swung a whole new depth on their familiar moods; a classically composed and operatic emotion now sneaking between their misty atmosphere, an almost pretty and dainty poison crumbled on top of their already mischievous evils and electronic playfulness, like some scary film you watched before you were old enough to do so. Which traumatises me to ache. Instruments slice through my heart and I feel things. I get lost as it closes my eyes for me. And when such contrasting masters of their own games collide, I have to wonder if this is perhaps Ulver’s best progression (and best album) to date?

34. Justin Timberlake - The 20/20 Experience
Contemporary R&B, Progressive Pop
March 19
Spotify

I’m only partially ashamed to admit that I understand this upbeat album in my dick. It’s like the moment I put it on, I become sexy and I suddenly learn how to dance. And it dances with me. Because The 20/20 Experience is about self-celebration, border-lining on a healthy “wank”, smiling at itself in the mirror whilst doing so yet encouraging the listener to do the same. How it achieves this is a mystery, but probably has something to do with the tried-and-tested mix of Timberlake’s seductive vocals with some of the best Timbaland production I’ve heard in years, taking your standard pop song, then pushing it out of the borders before sandwiching it between indulgent intros and outros without any regard to what the radio might think. I mean, the pure audacity of this lengthy challenge takes some smart sophistication to keep interesting and progressive, but it achieves this without ever losing the groove of the party nor the style of modern commercial gold. And that’s why it’s here, no guilt. Simply put, it feels like this album has single handedly raised the bar on pop music without even standing up.

33. Arcade Fire - Reflektor
Indie Rock, Alternative Dance
October 29
Spotify

As the hottest indie act in recent years, Arcade Fire had a lot to prove, except they were the only ones who never seemed to notice. For instead of aiming to top their perfectly polished catalogue, they created Reflektor, which is less of an ALBUM, more of a THING, ambitiously shoved with almost too much content, then bravely dancing across genres with enough cheeky surprises to fascinate and challenge any listener whilst happily disregarding them completely. Throughout history, double albums are dangerous, and while some of these uneven songs sound long just for the sake of being long and don’t always justify their presence, one can’t help but commend their reinvention regardless, as even The White Album or The Wall can suffer from exhaustion whilst Reflektor’s genius is never spread too thinly, standing as one of the best double records I’ve ever heard. Yes, this is the first time the band have surrendered to indulgence, but it’s well-deserved and a damn good masturbation session. And yes, it does fall a bit short in execution in comparison to their older albums. But in terms of progression and intrigue, it outshines them all, adding yet another great album to their already great catalogue, which is a relief, really.

32. Chance The Rapper - Acid Rap
Hip Hop, Pop Rap
April 30

As if the quirk of Outkast was riding the wave paved by last year’s M.A.A.D City like some lighter sequel, the best word I could muster to sum up this album would be: amusing. But even considering the wit and the Laugh Out Loud verses and the funny faces I pull whilst listening to them, this doesn’t feel like a comedy rap record, because the humour never detracts from the skills. Even with an A-list package of guest stars like Twista, Childish Gambino and Action Bronson (to name a few), Chance outshines them all without even sounding like he means to, living up to the hype all by himself. His incredibly distinctive vocal style (complete with trademark barking) spits genius lyrics about drugs and the internet with a positive yet anxious neurotic energy, instantly likeable and pretentious-free and introspective and shit. Layer all of this on top of one poppy R&B jazzy gospel pizza, and you have a mixtape which is as trippy as the name suggests from undeniably a huge new player in the game. Keep your eye on this one.

31. David Bowie - The Next Day
Art Rock
March 11
Spotify

I hate critics who exclusively focus on Bowie’s 10 year absence when it comes to this record, but the surprise return announcement did kinda feel like daddy was finally coming home. The relief of hearing his voice again aggravated forgotten urges to confess my undying love to the man, but instead found myself voiceless in the presence of such a rocking album. It was as if the legend had playfully picked ideas from his entire career, then stuffed them into a weird box only Bowie knew how to wrap, doing so with anger, decorating it sexy, refusing to fall back on safe territory, letting it grow, and ensuring it was anything but unsubstantial. And there it was: a cryptic offering, further evidence that this man knows more than we do. Admittedly, my super-fandom obsession with Bowie will not come bias-free, but the truth is (as his 24th album), Bowie has long passed the point of needing to prove anything to anyone. For The Next Day is not only relevant, but on par with some of his greatest releases to date, another huge stick of dynamite which fits perfectly in his already stupidly forceful pack of arsenal. And that deserves all the praise, prejudice or not.

30. Sigur Rós - Kveikur
Post-Rock
June 14
Spotify

There is no denying Sigur Rós as one of the most talented bands on the planet, but when their last album Valtari dropped, I grew anxious. It just felt ... short somehow, as if their signature heavenly sound had started to become predictable and they were finding themselves in the mid-career crisis so many bands do around this point. But this was not the case. Instead, Kveikur punched its way right the fuck outta the rut, digging gritty claws into my intestines, now demanding attention upfront rather than painting some mysterious pictures in the background. It finally shed the calculated day-dreaming in favour of some good old compact instincts, an animal as dark and as scary as Sigur Rós could be without losing their beautiful drama, rubbing the skin raw and then polishing the wound, knocking their last album out of the way like childsplay. And the thing is, no other band could make this record, and if this is their direction, then I get goosebumps imagining where my life could possibly be headed. Fuck me, please. Fuck me violent. Take all my money, take my everything, just promise you will never stop loving me.

29. Leprous - Coal
Progressive Metal
May 20
Spotify

I was never a massive prog metal fan, which is why I vomited when this album unleashed all the motherfucking power of powers onto my underestimates, methodically obliterating my preconceptions in the process. Seriously, every single aspect of this record kicked my ass, from the oomph production, to the punchy riffs (of which there are soooo many) and in particular, the clean vocal deliveries which know how to soar into epic regions of beauty or scream bloody death when it’s not feeling so healthy, genuinely believing in every word it cries whilst working like an instrument all on its own. The whole experience is so technically unpredictable that it hardly keeps up with itself, barely clawing on, stretching far out whilst building towards something without ever fully reaching it, playing with you during the ride. Which is all quite odd, to say the least. And as the countless memories of catchy tricks near closing time, it somehow reaches its pinnacle right at the end, literally my favourite concluding moments of any album from this year, by far. I beg you, please, turn this one up all the way, and then proudly point your fully erect cock straight to war.

28. Nick Cave and The Bad Seeds - Push the Sky Away
Alternative Art Rock
February 18
Spotify

As always, Cave’s deserved reputation of packing enough poetic poison to sink your whole ship is a good place to start. His lyrics flaunt their awareness by referencing historic music culture icons (Robert Johnson), more modern pop sensations (Hannah Montana), and all of the Wikipedias inbetween. Then he writes a song about writing another song, both of which feature on this album, which is ... I don't even have words for that. But the obvious Cave gushing aside, what is truly remarkable about this record is how close the sincere vocal deliveries work within the music itself, creating a haunted presence, living in the shadows, tortured by its sober honesty, using all of its restraint not to capture you and force you into a romantic dinner whilst yearning to learn how to be human again. Because (make no mistake), this is not a midlife crisis record, rather a rancid wine which keeps its eerie trademark intact, wearing its age with grace, mild but never boring, growing older yet more sneaky with its methods of contamination, gently strangling you without leaving a trace. And that’s what an essential Cave record sounds like, because this is an essential Cave record, hinting that the best could still be coming, somehow???

27. Clipping - Midcity
Industrial Noise Hip Hop
February 5

As if taking the Death Grips blueprint and then tearing it into wet pieces, you could never mentally prepare yourself for this. Because while the flows are so quick and smart that they could easily fit in with some radio-friendly beats (and God bless them for not going down this route), it’s the music itself which is so violently harsh and uncomfortably jarring that I’m not even sure you could call it music whatsoever. Annoying frequencies physically hurt your eardrums whilst melody-less distortion erodes your headphones into dirt like a baseball bat to the teeth. It toys with the line between samples and torture, which breaks heavier than any metal I’ve ever heard, the word “stressful” nowhere near a strong enough description. And yet while the abrasive distractions are tough to get through and reduce me to a tearful puddle of hallucinations, it’s not only noise. It’s simply hiding underneath the noise. As a few listens definitely reveal some calculated intelligence below the jagged surface, something so wrong suddenly sounding so right, which takes an insane amount of talent to pull off, no matter your opinion. Oh, and never has a band name been so fitting.

26. The Knife - Shaking the Habitual
Experimental Electronic, Dark Ambient, Art Pop
April 8
Spotify

With all of its tribal insanity and little creatures spitting in your speakers, Shaking the Habitual is undoubtedly the Album Of The Year, drowned out by its own doodling and time wasting, resulting in the most tragic thing I’ve ever heard in my life. At times, it’s incomprehensibly good; exciting mental noises and organic values possess you with deranged weirdness, unlike anything, ever. But at other times, it’s frustratingly pointless; building challenging textures which don’t do anything other than indulge themselves and grate their audience, becoming far too intense for its own good. Which is why my heart breaks in pity for this unfocused mess of the highest-highs and lowest-lows, for if they had simply cut this album’s length in half, it would have been untouchable. But I guess we still have to respect The Knife’s high-risk and uncompromising vision here, refusing to even acknowledge the listener in favour of creating a monster surrounded by insect mindfucks, its only purpose to drive you insane and scare the hell out of you whilst dancing wrong. And that alone cannot be disregarded, and stands as arguably the most ambitious “pop” record of the decade.

25. The National - Trouble Will Find Me
Indie Chamber Rock
May 21
Spotify

The National are one of the world’s greatest bands, which is why if any other group had made this album, it would be their greatest work. But The National made it. And it’s not their greatest work. They played it safe, void of any surprises, essentially The National’s most "The National" album yet. But can we blame them, really? They’ve stuck to their strengths, all lightly romantic and subtly cold and shit, and as a result, this is the first time the band has sounded so comfortable and relaxed within themselves (for better or for worse). I mean, hey, if nothing else, it’s just “great” to hear them again. And by “great”, I mean in that gentle heartbreaking kinda “great”, where the confessional baritone storytelling ruins my mood and moves me into a state of hopelessness with no desire to even try anymore. I sigh for all the right reasons; for loss and despair, for melancholy and tragedy and the pessimism that comes with wisdom. And when it’s over, I find myself whispering out loud to the music: “My God, The National, it must be difficult to be so fucking miserable all the time”.

24. Chelsea Light Moving - Chelsea Light Moving
Noise Punk Rock
March 5
Spotify

When punk rock royalty Thurston Moore and Kim Gordon announced their 27 year marriage split, my faith in love crumbled, and I mourned restlessly for the future of Sonic Youth—one of my favourite bands ever. These concerns were further fuelled when a mere five months after the separation, Thurston (my lesser favourite of the duo) rushed out this album as if a response to the break-up. His last solo album was mediocre at best, and so there was no way I was going to enjoy this, right? Wrong! Instead, I was surprised to find an awkward record which maintained the stylistic rawness and distorted awesomeness of Sonic Youth, but seemed a bit tighter and more digestible on a level, at times even (gasp!) better than a lot of SY albums out there. And this can be owed in majority to Thurston himself, as a 55 year old man, blasting more teenage energy than most teenagers these days, and sounding more genuine when he does so. And weirder still, Moore seems as happy and self-assured as ever, helping me come to terms with the idea that perhaps the Youth are over, but the spirit of noise rock is alive and well.

23. M.I.A. - Matangi
Experimental UK Hip Hop Electropop
November 5
Spotify

After her last album didn’t get the praise it deserved, M.I.A. hit back with the sound she knew best, crushing those who doubted her force, now armed with something to prove. And prove something, she did. Her scatty (often laughable) lyrics as charming as they are socially conscious without giving a fuck about what you think, enslaving the hardcore beats to work for her like her bitch. The exciting sample use and out-of-this-world production restlessly fucks with her confident voice, exploding noisily, banging out messy and exciting colours, artistically abrasive and exhaustingly eccentric with almost far too much violence going on. And she’s second to none; no one can touch her, and no one could ever sound like her. Granted, her disjointed Eastern flavour can get a little bit too inventive/awkwardly hardcore/chaotically flawed for its own good at times, but when I listen to it, I wonder if this is perhaps the only music I truly like? She is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am in love with her. And while it won’t suit every occasion, when you catch it at the right moment just after a strong cup of coffee ... fuck me.

22. Disclosure - Settle
UK Garage House
June 3
Spotify

Barely into their twenties, the Lawrence brothers must be making their money—and for damn good reason. This is because their polished debut can only be called the epitome of the UK garage wave happening right now, leading the scene with glee and vibrance, provoking carefree dance moves whether you’re in the club, alone in your bedroom or just at your desk trying to work. And when it bangs, it bangs so fucking hard that you can smell the dancefloor and all the drug fuelled partying involved with that. What’s more, everyone agrees; from music snobs to oblivious club junkies, from critics to wannabe critics, and all the hipsters in between. Admittedly, the big tracks are so massive that the simply “good” tracks suffer in context, but in reality, it’s all good. Furthermore, perhaps it is almost too modern, so much so that it may date badly in time. But for now, it’s essential 2013 listening, featuring a well-chosen guest list and some of the greatest songs of the year which will remain anthems for many playlists to come. Believe the hype: it’s pretty much the biggest album of the year, and deserves the title.

21. Vampire Weekend - Modern Vampires of the City
Indie Pop
May 14
Spotify

Running out with arguably the four most fun opening tracks of the year, this album is just about the most uplifting and joyous sound of 2013, owed exclusively to intelligent attention to detail with a complete lack of negativity or doubt. It smiles the whole way through whilst lovingly reading childhood bedtime stories under the starry night, or delightfully skipping down the road to home. It’s so rare that a band can hit those emotional heart valves using nothing but peppy bliss without taking the piss, but this group have perfected the art of energetic afro-pop wrapped warmly in adorably cute melodies, presenting a stuffed-to-the-brim vibe which works as one singular, strange and inventive unit. It plays with the line of over-ambition and over-production, but never falls over anything, except perhaps an overload of happiness. And while like vampires in the sun, Vampire Weekend aren’t exactly known to have the greatest shelf-life, they do consistently get better and better per album, and this charming offering appears to be nothing more than an effortless and natural step for these musicians, even the coldest of critics now confessing that, yeah, this is undeniably likeable.

20. The Ocean - Pelagial
Progressive Atmospheric Sludge Metal
April 26
Spotify

Originally conceived as an instrumental album due to singer Loic Rossetti’s health issues, the idea was to create a complex journey where each song took you deeper down through the seven levels of the sea, starting with soothing and shimmering shallow waters, slowly descending into darker and more claustrophobic regions; the dense sludgy pressure stringing the listener along without ever alienating them, giving them what they want yet soaking them to their lungs. However, when Rossetti’s vocals suddenly improved, they allowed him to add his flavour back into the mix, which he did by finding lyrical inspiration from the 1979 Andrei Tarkovsky film Stalker, then dramatically presenting his observations between effortless/emotional singing, and screams of confident/desperate passion. By making use of this well thought-out variation, one song mentality, and all the tight-flows-dense-rhythms-washed-clean-production they could throw at you ... The Ocean grant us an album where no song out-shines another, no member outperforms each other, and there is never a dull moment nor even a weak spot to be found on this submarine in trouble. Which is why this record blows me away in more ways than I could cry about, always, every single time.

19. Julia Holter - Loud City Song
Ambient Art Pop
August 20
Spotify

Like hugging someone you love on an acid trip gone wrong, this album draws you in as if a poem on a rainy day, presenting itself like a lonely observer rather than the main character in its own story. It’s beautiful yet uneasy; catchy yet without any commercial value; magical yet scary; uncomfortable yet comforting; perfect yet vulnerable; soothing yet chaotic; a lullaby nightmare; the growth of a dying plant in the snow; an amalgamation of contradictions without ever sounding like anything other than a direct and clear chill. But even with all the orgasmic climaxes and loud ideals which never actually get loud, everything feels like mere back up, second only to Julia’s voice itself, which is as haunting as a ghost stuck in her throat, all rich and provoking, seducing me with obscure hookless deliveries and leaving me speechless; leaving me special. I’ve been waiting my whole life for this album but I never had any idea. How could I? I’ve never heard anything like it ever before.

18. Run the Jewels - Run the Jewels
Hardcore Hip Hop
June 26

After both artists individually released two of the greatest hip hop albums of last year (with a little help from each other, granted), El-P and Killer Mike finally stopped fucking around and did what they were always meant to do: create an album together, equally. And they truly gave it everything they’ve got; El-P beating out some of the most banging and powerful production you are likely to hear this year, while his flows keep up with Killer Mike’s usual fast and raw spits, neither of these rap geniuses outshining one another, each coming out the other side with easily their best work to date. It’s hardcore without being a parody of hardcore. It’s fucking serious without losing the essence of humour. And it charges with such savage exhilaration that the whole thing tramples over you in half an hour, effortlessly and perfectly, leaving you confused and gasping for air. Congratulations on making one of the most relevant hip hop albums of the decade so far, guys. Job well done.

17. Ovid's Withering - Scryers of the Ibis
Djent, Symphonic Black Metal
November 13
Spotify

Holy Jesus of all Metal-Fuck, what in God’s Holy Name is this?? I have no idea, but I think it’s trying to tell me something, and it’s not a particularly nice something. It’s an evil something. A suspenseful horror tale something, with so many potent moments that I choke. Because that’s what this album is about. MOMENTS. So many moments. Every song (almost always around the 3:00 mark) insisting on doing something weird; subtle background noises provoking stress; talented ideas and technical details suffocating my attention. I grow overwhelmed as they borderline my heaviness threshold, yet am intrigued as they cover every single style in the genre without even breaking a stitch. It’s an epiphany in Hell. It’s a slice of God whilst burning to death. And above all else, it’s a fucking show-off album; Ovid's Withering coming across like veterans of the Death Army despite the fact that this is only their debut. They have exposed their thirst. They are desperate to prove something. And they’ve worked fucking hard at doing so, accidentally raising a demon from some Satanic abyss which is standing behind me right now, so I should probably stop talking about it. Moving on MOVING ON PLEASE.

16. Earl Sweatshirt - Doris
West Coast Hip Hop
August 20
Spotify

Finally free after his mother sent him to a Samoa boarding school for troubled kids, the much hyped sophomore from 19 year old Thebe Kgositsile was thankfully worth the wait. But while the dark youthfulness and internal struggles of his debut are still apparent (even continuing the flirtation with horrorcore, at times), he comes out with a new found maturity this round, less rapey and homicidal, more punchliney and intelligent, not a single shit lyric to be found anywhere on this album. His quiet voice casually spews out countless syllables in complex rhyming formations without even breaking a sweat, swaying over disturbing yet humble beats, pure deep hip hop, pop-free and unforgettable. Perhaps it sounds slightly amateur, even a touch messy and jumbled within the unbalanced mastering, but this thrown together vibe somehow works in its favour, connecting as one strong unit of friends, as if the abrupt song endings and unrealised ideas reflect Earl’s confusing personality rather than to serve any of us. And above all else, with this release and Frank Ocean’s Channel Orange last year, bets are in that Odd Future have a very good future ahead indeed, no longer dependent or even concerned with Tyler the Creator, outgrowing him embarrassingly.

15. Neko Case - The Worse Things Get, the Harder I Fight, the Harder I Fight, the More I Love You
Alternative Country Rock
September 3
Spotify

When I undertook the daunting task of writing this list, I prayed every day for an album just like The Worse Things. Because shit gets weird. Straight forward compositions take sharp and unsettling turns right in the middle. Happy music hides its sad underbelly in shame. This pop is rotten, all peculiarly arranged around one eccentric central character: Neko Case herself. The strength of her multi-dimensional vocals and honest lyrics work together as a force, demanding authority, refusing to play it safe and standing defiant against the norm. It’s glittered with so many details that it’s impossible to grasp anything, except for the frequent indirect hints at darkness blurred by humour, opting to remain strong-headed without any facade, reaching levels so personal that I decided to get a little personal myself, right here: the first time I heard "Nearly Midnight, Honolulu", I got such insane goosebumps that my nipples erect. This is not a lie, and I’m not sure it has ever happened before. That overshare aside, I'll admit it’s never as good as I remember it when I listen to it, but I fucking remember it, and above all else, Neko didn't make this album for us. She made it for herself.

14. Jason Isbell - Southeastern
Contemporary Folk/Americana
June 11
Spotify

Country music not your preferred drink of choice? Don’t even worry about it, darlin’. Because not since Joni Mitchell’s Blue have I heard an album so passionately driven and reflectively personal that one struggles to get through it. It's uncomfortable when your guts physically shift. Genres become painfully irrelevant when you grieve. And grieve, you shall, as Jason’s powerful deliveries break hearts whilst the clarity of his vulnerable lyrics weigh so heavily on your breath that you can literally feel your breathing draw harder, falling nauseous, destroying your life in beautiful misery. I’m not doing so well to be honest, thanks for asking. Because, man, it’s rare that you FEEL a record as rich as this, music designed to make ladies (or even a weaker man) weep (not me), which is why I stand by my opinion that this is by far the most emotionally intense and cry worthy album of the year.

13. 凛として時雨 [Ling Tosite Sigure] - i'mperfect
Alternative Post-Hardcore
April 10

For some reason, I knew this album was going to be a special one before I even listened to it. It came out of nowhere, beckoning to me, welcoming me into its wooden house, and then shoveling noise all over my being, consuming my air in beautiful chaos and coffee, my eyes widening frequently in the full speed energy and poppy intensity. It was as if a sweeter At the Drive-In married the less weirds but all the frantics of Deerhoof, got Frusciante to play guitar and then spent extra attention on the drum sound (which most bands neglect to do, very appreciated), leaving an aura which appears to follow a strict formula without steering into excessively experimental territory, and yet sounds anything but ordinary or sticking to any set procedure. And as impressive as those words may be, it truly is the high-pitched feverish vocals which make this release so super exciting; a male and female duo trading parts, the whole affair somehow coming across loving and playful only to cover up a few seriously demonic undertones. Imperfect? Not a fucking chance. I’m Perfect? Damn fucking straight.

12. Juana Molina - Wed 21
Folktronica, Indietronica
October 29
Spotify

Like the naivety of some Spanish child’s twisted nightmare, this album feels as if it is completely oblivious of everything around it, fumbling light sound after light sound without ever repeating itself or losing its kiddie innocence. It’s scary without intending to be, deliriously peculiar without realising it, delicately skipping over its warped path in confusion, enjoying its own death yet offended by any intrigued observer who has the nerve to call it out on its own oddness. Just leave it alone, it’s having fun with its own druggy disorientation. It’s just being itself. And itself is unlike any other self I’ve ever heard, try it.

11. Laura Mvula - Sing To The Moon
Contemporary R&B; Soul Jazz
March 4
Spotify

Carefully composed poppy-sweet melodies, solely designed and designated to surround and uplift much larger moments of soaring emotions is a tried and tested formula hardly ever executed this properly. Think: the pretty and dainty tip-toe of Joanna Newsom; the soulful vocal power of Amy Winehouse; and the cheeky arty weirdness of Janelle Monáe; all sophisticatedly arranged by the vintage details of Brian Wilson, resulting in a record which can make me :’( or :) at any given delivery. The whole offering leads like a church, full of positivity and sing-a-long marches, yet serene and spiritual, the light and shimmering production polishing each gem until they sparkle from every angle. And while I’ll happily admit I much prefer the upbeat and vibey tracks, the more sparse and mournful ones are still perfect in their own right, especially due to the conscious manner in which these songs have been ordered, ensuring a comfortable ride with logical followings and conclusions until the very conclusion. Which is to say, two thirds of this album is the best I’ve heard in 2013, while the rest does just fine, a complete and filler-free release from one new artist who undoubtedly has a lot more to say.

10. Jon Hopkins - Immunity
Microhouse, IDM
June 3
Spotify

It has to be said that I’m a full-fledged Hopkins fan, half a decade strong now. I’ve always been so impressed by the man’s ability to create electro noises I didn’t know existed, and work them in a harmonious almost organic way, creating visuals with sound, standing as some sort of an intriguing mechanical brother of Sigur Rós. But this album ... is on a different fucking level. After everything he’s already achieved, Hopkins has outdone himself, which continues the pattern of all his records, each one bringing a higher quality to his atmosphere than the one before. And Immunity is epitome of this exploration, creating one HUGE experience by magnifying the tiny details; miniature sounds which creep around some bigger picture; programmed genuine emotions which cry while they dance. It’s an absolute beauty of distorted mess, truly a work of art which journeys at the same complex pace from start to finish, always telling you something new no matter how many times you listen to it. He is the best in the genre. He is a genius. And I can’t even imagine where the fuck he can go from here.

09. James Blake - Overgrown
Ambient Art Pop, Contemporary R&B
April 8
Spotify

Following what was my undefeated favourite record of 2011, James Blake has done it again, evolving confidently and boldly in a direction any fan would be more than satisfied with. And even if the surprise factor may have waned ever so slightly, in many ways, this sophomore is even better than his debut. Complete with guest slots which make sense (Brian Eno) more than others (RZA), it is still Blake alone who carries his sound to such disorientating heights. His voice mumbles poetic lyrics by using subtle falsettos that make me go (o)mmmmm(g). His hands treat his stark songs with compassion, utilising restraint to give you space, revealing small details of a bigger secret to overwhelm and ultimately smother your emotions. And very quickly, my mood turns to lonely, and my tears reach my spine, giving me chills to the base of my soul. This is all to say, Blake is in a league of his own and yet is still better than everyone else, perhaps the most exciting new artist of the decade on par with only Frank Ocean. And I am so inspired. Thank you so very much.

08. Kacey Musgraves - Same Trailer Different Park
Contemporary Country
March 19
Spotify

As we approach the midway point of the 2010s, contemporary country artists have poked their curious heads from the soil and started to make some serious commotion. However, I feel they all shut the hell up as soon as Musgraves opened her mouth and performed Same Trailer Different Park, the most confident and complete album in the genre this decade so far. For while the warm instrumentation serve her delightful delivery with loyalty, it’s her lyrics which casually lift this 24 year old voice above its unpredictable peak. They suffer in small town observations, distracted by dreams of a better future without granting themselves the luxury of complaint. They speak of truths, conscious and wise, so real they hurt. They are humorous in a melancholic way, the sweetness stirred deep within rather than sugar coating the message. And sometimes, they bite. Every one of these songs thrive on a unique concept enhanced by choruses which refuse to fall, each digging into my love for Kacey, the depth corresponding to how many times I listen to her speak. Basically put, I’ve never before realised how desperately I need a country girl in my life, but now I’m empty without one.

07. Altar of Plagues - Teethed Glory and Injury
Atmospheric Black Metal
April 30
Spotify

Until I heard this album, I never genuinely appreciated what black metal was good for. I considered the genre to scream and make noise out of misguided aggression or simply for the sake of it, trying far too hard to be “sad” or “evil”. However, during my very first apprehensive endurance of Teethed Glory and Injury, my heart broke. It bled into my stomach as I wet myself from tears and urine (which may sound dramatic, but still not as dramatic as this record sounds). It changed me. I lost part of myself. Because it didn’t scream for pretend, it screamed for help; lonely and in trouble as if trapped in an ugly damp cellar, bursting from pain and terror and other scary things. And even when comparing this band to their dark comrades, Altar of Plagues are a different breed of heavy all together; so slow, so soft, so black, hinting at countless genres with even a scent of electronics thrown in for bad measure, clawing its way up this list until each of its fingers broke on the stones. Tragic. But still not as tragic as this group splitting up less than two months after the release, making this special memorial gift all that more depressing.

06. Wardruna - Yggdrasil
Nordic Dark Folk
March 15
Spotify

As one EPIC (!!) album based on Nordic spiritualism and the Elder Futhark runes, I always get giddy with excitement when I put this godly record on, as if anticipating some otherworldly ayawaska trip. Because once the unrecognisable tribal instruments chant their ritual into my ears, I am no longer at my desk; I am outside, surrounded by the ceremonial dance of some undiscovered society. The hypnotic connection to Mother Earth is both uplifting and intimidating, as we bond together in strength, preparing ourselves for the unavoidable forest war ahead. Jesus, where am I? And who still makes music like this?? Because even when its fearless length fills you with doubt, persuading you that such a specific vibe will surely grow bored and tired, it never does so, instead steadily feeding you all the fresh fruit you need in order sustain yourself, eventually concluding as one journey you could never forget. I genuinely don’t have a single bad thing to say about it, and that is not like me.

05. Jai Paul - Jai Paul
Indietronica, Contemporary R&B
April 13

Never before have I felt such inner turmoil about including any album on one of my lists, because the backstory behind this hybrid release is exhaustingly confusing to say the very least. Most agree that it’s a “fake album”, an unauthorised collection of leaked demos, unofficial, unmastered, and prematurely ejaculated into our ears (which a statement from XL seemed to confirm). But more skeptical conspiracy theorists speculated that it was a publicity stunt, where Jai leaked the album himself (as an email address associated with accused Bandcamp account would suggest), while others went as far as to claim that the elusive Jai Paul didn’t even exist. Regardless, the hype behind such an unusual history was priceless, and the inevitable curiosity lead us to a messy yet exceptionally charming group of songs, like a bedroom recording where flashes of ideas came out of nowhere and then disappeared before anyone could grasp them, complete with clever samples, sexy hushed vocal deliveries, and painfully long gaps of silence between everything. So, yeah, it was inarguably one of the best albums of 2013, but could something so enigmatic qualify for my precious little article? Well, evidently, yes. Because it’s my fucking article.

04. きゃりーぱみゅぱみゅ [Kyary Pamyu Pamyu] - なんだこれくしょん [Nanda Collection]
J-Pop
June 26
Spotify

Wheeee! Marching into the innocence of a hypercute video game, you may notice the fields have been dyed pink as far as the eye can see while the sun shines ice cream, this colourful childlike cartoon only a ploy to distract you from some very peculiar and uncomfortable maintenance. Because while J-Pop itself is defined by adorable catchiness and infectious naivety, this release boldly moves the criteria sideways, smart enough to hold your attention with surprises from the future or perhaps something else from some other planet somewhere else entirely. It’s an easy mix to get wrong, too many in the genre suffering from the popoverdose tummy ache one may feel after eating too much candy, but Kyary skips sparklingly over these beartraps with a smile on her face, speeding up the carnival and into my cavities as the best J-Pop I’ve ever heard in my life. Because once you dust off the novelty factor, you will find a talented and intelligently written dance record which pretty much does whatever it wants to whenever it wants to, and it wants to do a whole load of things the whole time.

03. The Drones - I See Seaweed
Punk Blues
March 1
Spotify

Without a doubt, here stands the most explosively dramatic and emotionally passionate album of the year. It’s more terrifying than Liars and as poetic as fellow Australian Nick Cave, due to a concoction of vocalist Gareth Liddiard rough spits over dead-serious no-bullshit no-frills music and there’s noise but just the right amount of noise and there’s wonky guitar-work and it all gets very arty and weird without sacrificing any talent and it feels politically charged and aggressively mature and it has these insane chord changes that are completely unpredictable and yet it’s really catchy somehow and oh my God there is far too much going on here to actually write a proper review, forgive me. But, fuck, this album was a wake up call. The kind of wake up call when someone lifts you out of your bed and then drops you onto concrete within the same sentence, breaking your jaw yet refusing to stop punching you, a hundred punches per song, a complete disregard to your safety or their's, whilst you cry and forget how to breathe until you pretty much die, so please don’t tell me to go back to bed ever again, mommy.

02. King Krule - 6 Feet Beneath the Moon
Post-Punk, Trip Hop
August 24
Spotify

When Googling images of this kid, I was taken aback to discover pretty much the least likely face I’d associate with the voice. Ginger. Scrawny. 19 years of age. And yet his Tom Waits articulation scraping old man wisdom onto simple guitar-work and downtempo beats is timelessly beyond his aforementioned youth, unchallenged as the most recognisable voice I’ve heard this decade. And he is British. Oh so quintessentially British, for an album of this stark shade of grey could never have been dreamt up anywhere else in the world. It’s bleak and desolate, lonely in the dark downpour, contemplating the dullness of life, miserable about the state of everything, yet too stoned, too lazy, too fucking exhausted to fully realise the viciousness aching inside. And it’s kind of comforting to know we’re not alone on those days. Look, maybe it is a bit too long, the lullaby quality wearing you down (especially if you were already struggling to begin with), but the confidence of Krule alone is enough to despondently drag this album into the upper class, spreading a sound he found all on his own. A sound no one else but him has yet found.

01. Kanye West - Yeezus
Experimental/Industrial Hip Hop
June 18
Spotify

Forget Kanye as you know him, for Yeezus is an incomparable entity to his past or anyone else’s. It does everything except play it safe, a release which is so abrasive, aggressive, uncomfortable, filthy, dangerous and uncompromising that anyone with any expectations were challenged until tears of WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE?? Because this is what happens when an eccentric genius crippled by narcissism spends his entire career trying to convince the world that he is God, and now no longer has anything left to prove. Instead, he’s created a minimal assault which leaves no space for inbetweeners; you either love or hate the way he condescendingly shouts at you like a confused child, but regardless, it's not here to be enjoyed. It’s here to be a threat, designed to ruin your vibe as fast as possible. Amateurs criticise the much simpler lyrics this round, but have you ever tried to be articulate when you’re so fucking angry? Impossible, and not the point. Rather, here is a risky move on West’s part, which not only revolutionises his career but also the entire rap game, killing itself as the most inspirational, breathtaking, and greatest album of the year, hands down. I can hardly believe it exists.


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Conclusion
As far as the decade is going (and as far as any decade goes), there will always be enough indie/rock/metal/pop/punk to go around. And so even though there have been a few solid albums from those aforementioned genres in recent years, nothing (too) groundbreaking/genre-altering has really taken place as of yet, and so it isn't really worth our time to delve too deep into that area at this point.

The same usually goes for hip hop, but last year definitely did seem to surge itself into some new cycle of freshness, and while this year wasn't quite as mind-blowing in general, it did somewhat continue the trend, with plenty gangster flows to keep rap fans satisfied (much more than the early 2010 years, at least). However, I do fear it may already be regressing, but I am known for getting paranoid, so let's hope I'm wrong...

Much like last year, contemporary R&B continues to pump out the goods, remaining the most consistently impressive and surprising genre of the decade. This year definitely saw more hybrid versions of the style coming out, which was inevitable after the straight-forward vibes of the last few years dominated the critics and was snatched up and reproduced into anything with a pulse, inspiring almost anyone who was paying attention. I can't see this disappearing anytime soon.

However, 2013 was not without its own revelations, and it has to be mentioned that as far as electronic-commercial-bangers went, this year owned the decade. An endless stream of garage-y radio-friendly beats pumped out of the airwaves and kept the sun smiling and the underage kids on the dancefloor, and I was only too happy to participate. Time will only tell if this was a one-off fluke, but even if it was, what a fluke! I look forward to seeing how long this magic lasts.

But finally, and above all else, the genre which took me by total surprise in 2013, was country music (or some variation thereof). Sure, we've seen a few crop up here and there over the last four years, but 2013 held so much quality and original vibes, immeasurably more than what was there before. I'd never thought I'd have such confidence in this generally ignorable genre, and it makes me wonder than perhaps when all is said in done, could this truly be the decade of country?

Tune in next year for more definitive answers.

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