Juice Nothing is Dead?

To Whom It May Concern,

Please accept my apology that I have not written a blog piece for almost two months now. Obviously my time spent in London was focused on catching up with friends, attempting to find any patch of sun, and drinking so much alcohol that it was never certain whether my liver or my wallet would fail me first. I'm back on the road again, btw.

The sad truth is that I've been reshuffling my creative intentions and my blog, this blog, Juice Nothing, was always the first to be pushed aside. On the one hand, it's heartbreaking for an 11-year project to fizzle out like this, but on the other, the output no longer makes the same sense as it once did. In December 2016 my site was visited 28,197 times. Last month, I was down to 5,064. That's not even my lowest score. If someone would like to help me with SEO that'd be well appreciated because something has obviously gone very wrong here.

The annual Dear 2019 piece is still planned to go ahead in December, but besides that one, I can't imagine what will appear on the platform apart for some sporadically inspired mini-rants (like this one). As I am writing the Top 250 Albums of the Decade book, it seems impossible to expect that the regular Top 50 Albums of 2019 post will be granted the space to grow. This breaks a nine-year streak, and it hurts. But I am only one person and my mental health is already straining under the enormous pressure of self-imposed deadlines. Juice Nothing never fixed my brain, so I'm trying different things.

However, work shall continue, of course of course, and besides that Top 250 Albums of the Decade book due in December 2019, here are some other projects you can look forward to:

My film/travel vlog, Definitely Not a Cry For Help, Chapter 7 & 8, should be out this year.
I'm thinking of releasing the 32-song soundtrack to the first six chapters soon too.
A monthly newsletter which will detail promotional tips is coming out in August, sign up here.
This newsletter is a bigger deal than it sounds. It's the gravitational pull which will glue everything I do together as one, finally concentrating my concentration on what matters, treating fame and success like the ladder it is and detailing every step of the way for anyone else to follow. It's going to be big with many components. There is strong energy there.
And, finally, a full review and analysis of the Bible should be done by October. I have started reading it. Slowly.

With these out of the way, next year my focus will initially be turned sharply towards my already 100% written self-help book Heartbreak Sucks! How to Get Over Your Ex in 30 Days. I happily admit that I intend this to make me rich because it's fucking worth it.
After that, the long-awaited sequel to my 2016 fictional book, This is Your Brain on Drugs, will be a priority. I hope I can get it done by the end of 2020, but this is unlikely (even though it's about 70% written). It's going to be called The Ovaries of Satan, by the way.
Definitely Not a Cry For Help should be completed in 2020 easily.
There is another travelling project I'm already working on, more potentially virally and simplistic, but I'm not ready to talk about that just yet. 2020 too.
I have 12 never-heard fully-recorded Coming Down Happy tracks on hand which should find their way out in 2020 as a b-side compilation called Kid B. I have also recorded half of another EP called *you're but with all my permanent travelling, music is truly the least accessible artistic medium right now. It's also a bit shit, tbh. I wanted it to sound like Swans producing Sonic Youth and I made even more of a mess of it. Still.
As for my band Sectlinefor, we work fast. If another album comes out next year, I would be the opposite of surprised. Personally, I want to tour the fuck out of whatever we do next. That last gig set fire to my sternum.

For the faaaar future, does anyone remember that Coming Down Happy trilogy of EPs I started in 2012? I finished the first two? The one with the cartoons? That got me into a lot of trouble? No? Well, I want to finish that anyway. Refresher.
Once Definitely Not a Cry For Help is done, I have this nagging compulsion to film a proper movie next time. I've learned so much by blindly crashing through this medium that I reckon I'll be able to put something magical together by then.
The aforementioned fictional book series will eventually consist of four novels. Maybe five. Maybe six.
Sectlinefor forever, btw.
I also want to join a punk band.

#legobiscuits are a permanent fixture.

Travelling might also be.

The good news is that I calculated if I never get a girlfriend or speak to anyone ever again, I might actually have enough time to pull all of this off.

Wish me luck,
Love Jared


Follow @LegoTrip

Brand New Juice Nothing!

Fuck yeah. So welcome to the new Juice Nothing, please, make yourself at home. Allow me to point out a few very important differences that you should become aware of.

First of all: you may have noticed that you are on a Blogger page. All articles and news updates will now be put here. The reason for this is that I can smack updates out much faster and you can even comment on them.

The next thing is the fancy-schmancy home page on the official site http://www.JuiceNothing.com which now displays any updates from all the projects I am working on. This will get updated fucking often, so if you are one of the rare people who actually like everything I do, this is why this website was made.

Something you might not have noticed is all the stuff behind the scenes. It is the most friendly site I have ever coded, and includes stuff you've heard of like PHP, JQuery, CSS driven Divs, JavaScript, Flash and other stuff. It is also PISS easy for me to update.

Other sections include The Juices (details on current projects); Not Juices (other stuff I have around the net); and The Future (details on the projects you can expect soon). I have also decided to write a new blog-article monthly, expect one soon.

I hope you enjoy your stay, follow me on Twitter to get updates faster than all your friends.

In other news: We just had our 1-year Art-Pulpitations birthday. To celebrate, we got our best artists to submit new stuff, turned out to be the best month ever. Now that it is over, Joshua Dusk is out July Artist Of The Month, while Frank Moody's Flies on Dogfood is our piece of the month. It's all so good, damn.

I also met Lily Allen while I was remaking the site, so Help Jared Woods Meet Lily Allen is OVER. This means I have more time, which will look like this: The Gravy Stroke will be the next project. It is a series of short films, a collaborative effort between a lot of talent. You wouldn't believe how close we are.

Coming Down Happy is also building up momentum fast.

I feel like something is about to happen. Follow @LegoTrip